


All that Jazz

by hyukimchi



Series: Ateez College AU [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Crossdressing, Fluff and Angst, Hongjoong is very gay, Hongjoong wears skirts at some point, Im sorry i cant write without drama, Jongho and Seonghwa are brothers, Jongho and Wooyoung are best friends, Jongho is insecure, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Sexual Assault, Strangers to Lovers, Yunho and Mingi are boyfriends, Yunhos mother is a sweetheart, alternative universe - college/university, fine arts major!Hongjoong, fine arts major!Wooyoung, law major!Jongho, literature major!Mingi, literature major!Yunho, performance major!San, performance major!Yeosang, please i love him, science major!Seonghwa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukimchi/pseuds/hyukimchi
Summary: Park Jongho liked to be alone. He needed to be alone sometimes, human interactions were scary and exhausting and if there was no need for them he was more than fine without them. However, to be friends with Jung Wooyoung didn’t help his introverted nature at all.Or, Wooyoung drags Jongho to a musical play of their college theatre team and he falls head over heels for the beautiful boy in the brown wig.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Ateez College AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753105
Comments: 14
Kudos: 136





	1. Introduction Jongho

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time being actually satisfied with a fanfiction i wrote and i always wanted to do an Ateez College AU so here we go sksk i hope i can manage to upload regulary lmao if i do it will be every Wednesday and Saturday!  
> But now lets go with the first introduction!  
> Also, English isnt my mother tongue so im sorry for any weird mistakes!

Park Jongho liked to be alone. He needed to be alone sometimes, human interactions were scary and exhausting and if there was no need for them he was more than fine without them. However, to be friends with Jung Wooyoung didn’t help his introverted nature at all.

“Please! Come on, just this one time!!” 

Jongho didn’t have to take a look at the platinum blonde boy, who was draped over his bed, arms and legs spread in all directions and taking every space he could get on Jonghos small dorm bed, to know that he was pouting. Good thing Jongho still had law homeworks to do because he would have thrown Wooyoung off his bed if he would take away time from his well-deserved sleep (that he definitely didn’t get enough of now the first finals were almost around).

“You say that every time and then you ask again even though you said it’s the last time.”  
“But you always have fun right?!” Wooyoung whined, rolling around to look at him. Jongho leaned back on his office chair, giving his best friend an annoyed look. “Last time I said yes to something you dragged me to a drag show and at least 20 different men tried to get into my pants.” Jongho still didn’t get over this horrific experience. Having a fun night out with his friends was one thing but being almost harassed by several strangers he didn’t know was a whole other story. There was a reason he didn’t like going out, or being around people in general. The night had ended with him, Seonghwa and Hongjoong cuddled up in his brother’s apartment, a tub of ice cream on the nightstand and Jongho being even more terrified of people than he already was before. 

“That was one time, I apologized around 20 times already for that night and I did get kicked out of the club because I punched one of the guys in the face, so you cant blame me on that!” Wooyoung stood up from his previous position on Jonghos bed to go give his best friend a back hug, lying his head on the others broad shoulders, “Its just a musical performance at the College this time, nobody is going to hit on you and if they do or if you get uncomfortable we can go, ok? Something like the thing in the drag club will never happen again, I swear.” The boy pressed a wet kiss on Jonghos cheek which made him cringe, wiping the wet spot away with his sweater sleeve. He was never a fan of any display of affection but that was another thing he couldn’t get away with since his best friend was Jung Wooyoung. 

Jongho sighed again, leaning his head against Wooyoungs. “I know, I'm not mad at you anyways. And if its really just an Musical I will go. But no funny businesses afterwards or I'm gone and you can find another best friend!” He warningly pointed his finger at his best friend but Wooyoung was already all over the place, turning him around and throwing himself on the younger boys lap, suffocating him with his strong embrace. 

“You wont be disappointed! Yeosang is a great actor and his cousin plays in this play as well. When I worked with Yeosang he only said really good things about the theatre kids, especially his cousin so it will be bomb!” Jongho couldn’t surpress a chuckle at the others enthusiasm, wrapping his arms loosely around his waist before turning back to his homework, knowing the other boy wouldn’t leave his arms for the next 30 minutes.

Anyone who didn’t know them would assume that they were a couple of some sorts at the way Wooyoung would cling to Jonghos arm every time they went somewhere or how he would casually sit himself on the youngers lap when there was no seat available. Or at how they linked pinkies when they went through more crowded places so they didn’t lose each other. But these were just their antics. None of them felt anything other than platonic love for each other.  
Besides, Jongho wasn’t gay. Well, he was, but nobody knew that except for Wooyoung, his older brother Seonghwa and Hongjoong, his brothers best friend and a brother figure for him. He didn’t come out to anyone else besides them - well he technically didn’t come out to Hongjoong but he just looked right through him one day while he did his makeup at Seonghwas place, casually telling Jongho, who was lying on his brothers bed while the older got ready, that he didn’t had to hide anything from him and that he would always support him, no matter what would happen and he gave him the most knowing and loving look Jongho got in a long time. Jongho would be a liar if he said he didn’t break out in tears when Hongjoong hugged him afterwards. – and he didn’t feel like he would come out to anyone else any time soon. He just couldn’t talk about it, to insecure within his own thoughts to share them with anyone else he barely knew. And his friends always told him that that was okay, that he didn’t have to come out if he wasn’t ready, and he also knew that himself, but he still felt like he couldn’t live his life to the fullest, he couldn’t live out his whole self. This part of his identity was still in a tiny box in the back of his mind and if it was his decision it would stay like this for a long time. He didn’t know how long yet.

But he tried not to think about it too much on a daily basis, he got by pretty well in life without proudly representing his sexuality, it was nobodys business anyways. He wasn’t Hongjoong who was openly gay to literally everyone and who was walking around like a living canvas. He sometimes admired the older that he was brave enough to express himself like this, he even admired his best friend sometimes for the same fact, even though Wooyoung could be a dumbass sometimes. 

But he was proud of himself in other aspects as well, for example his Scholarship or his determination to get this law degree, even though he knew it would be tough (it already was and he was still in freshman year).

Jongho doesn’t know how exactly they ended up like this but when he woke up the next day he was squished against the wall next to his bed, Wooyoung pressing against his side, their legs entangled. Jongho rubbed his still half closed eyes, sleep still heavy on him, they went to bed way too late to go to early lectures. Groaning, Jongho pushed Wooyoung off him, climbing over the still sleeping boy to get into the shower. He could hear his best friend still snoring when he stepped out of the bathroom, dressed up for the day full of lectures and training in a comfortable hoodie and some shorts. It was still quiet warm outside for the fact that they had early January. 

Since the squeaking of his bedroom door still didn’t wake up the sleeping boy on his bed, wrapped in a thick blanket, now one leg hanging of the bed, Jongho went over to him, pulling the blanket off his sleeping form, screaming into his ear: “WAKE UP, DUMBASS!”  
Wooyoung flew off the bed, bumping his ass on the wooden floor of their shared dorm flat. Still with his eyes closed he rubbed a hand over his lower back. 

“Damn it, you asshole. Cant you be a bit more gentle with me? Im a fragile soul.” His lips curled into a pout, one thing he was pretty good at. Wooyoung could make anyone fall for him like this. Not Jongho though. He snorted. “Oh shut up and get ready, I see you kick asses on a daily basis, you cant foul me.” Wooyoung couldn’t contain his chuckle. “You're right, I cant.” Wooyoung skipped his way to his own room. “YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES UNTIL I GO, BE QUICK!” Jongho screamed after him, packing all necessities in his backpack, fishing some papers off his desk that were important for his morning lectures, he just had one today anyways, everything else was Judo practice and muscle training. He worked hard for that scholarship and he would do anything to keep it. Jongho smirked when he heard his best friend scream.

~°~

They left exactly 25 minutes after Jonghos warning but at least Wooyoungs eyes were painted in a beautiful red-orange combination and his lipstick matched his black and red outfit consisting of a bicolored blazer, a white button-up and black slacks. Jonghos lips formed in an affectionate smile. “You know we have Judo practice later today?” Wooyoungs laugh echoes of the walls of the dormitory hall. He clinked his right arm onto Jonghos left, looking up at his best friend. “You have to dismiss me today, I have a design to do that has to be done soon.” Jongho nodded knowingly. 

Even though he missed his best friend at practice he knew how important fashion design was for Wooyoung. He still remembered Wooyoung crying out in joy when he got the mail of the fashion company he works for at the moment, confirming his successful application as an amateur designer. They had celebrated at Seonghwa and Hongjoongs apartment until they all passed out on the big unfoldable couch. That’s why Jongho understood why he couldn’t be at Judo practice as often as he used to be, but he would still support Wooyoung with all his dreams, even if that meant having to force him to sleep when he worked on a new piece for too long or carrying him to his bed when he fell asleep on his desk or his floor surrounded by all sorts of materials. Even though it meant he couldn’t see him as often as he used to. 

Wooyoung, seeing Jongho deep in thoughts, nudged his side, smiling sweetly. “Naw don’t be sad, we will see each other at the Musical this evening! I told Seonghwa and Hongjoong to come over at six so we could all get ready together. Hongjoong and I planned to dress up in looks fitting for the Musical!” Jongho eyed Wooyoungs face, he saw the little glitter particles high on his cheekbones. “First of all, you didn’t even tell me my brother and his hubby would be coming over and with us. Second of all, what Musical are we even watching?” They exited the dormitory, making their way down the street to the biggest building on campus. They at least had their lectures in the same building. “They are performing _Chicago_. Yeosangie said he plays one of the lead female roles! He is actually the coolest, I already saw their costumes and they are beautiful! I don’t know what role his cousin plays but I'm excited to meet him too!” The older boy jumped up and down excitedly, letting go of Jonghos arm. Jongho brushed a black strand of his forehead, shaking his head at his best friends excitement. “Well then, I guess I have to look forward to it then too, after all its one of my favourite musicals.” Wooyoung, who was now walking in front of him, swaying his hips for everybody walking past them (he just had to have all eyes on him, Jongho knew that), threw him the brightest smile over his shoulder. “I know, that’s why I wanted you to come with us! I knew you would want to see it.” Jongho rolled his eyes. “I could have lived without seeing it, you know?” But Wooyoung wasn’t listening anymore, already up the stairs to the lecture building.

“Jongho, my sweetpie, how is my baby doing??” Jongho and Wooyoung haven’t been in the building for two seconds and the youngest was already run over by a really soft looking Hongjoong. The older boy wrapped his arms around Jonghos neck and pressed a kiss to the boys jawline. A faded blush crept his way onto Jonghos cheeks but he wrapped his arms around the boys waist anyways, picking him up for a short second. When he put him back down he looked him up and down, taking in his soft looks. A white flower crown lied atop his red hair, his cheeks and the bridge of his nose in a deep pink blush and his eye balls were decorated with small painted clouds in a blue sky. He wore a big baby blue shirt with a white longshirt under it, his legs were dressed in beige batting pants that covered half of his white boots. He looked even smaller than he already was. 

“Good morning, hyung. How was your morning?” Jongho asked before looking up from the smaller boy, just now recognizing his brother behind Hongjoong. He should have known: Anywhere Hongjoong was, Seonghwa would follow. He was dressed as ever with a long coat and his glasses on his nose, his brother being blind without glasses or contacts. He threw a slight smirk at Seonghwa, getting a tired head nod back, his brother clearly not fully awake yet. 

“Oh it was fine, Hwa didn’t sleep a lot last night because he had a lot of paper work to do and I tried to stay up with him but I fell asleep around 3am.” Hongjoongs glossy lips fell into a big pout. “Poor Hwahwa stayed up til almost six and only had two hours of sleep. He must be so tired.” Hongjoong looked over his shoulder to the oldest of the four, giving him an encouraging smile. Wooyoung, next to Jongho, gave Seonghwa a pitiful glance but Jongho just snorted. “Pfft, Hyung survived with less hours of sleep.” Seonghwa scoffed. “Don’t come to me next time you feel sick, brat”, he said before turning on his heels and going to his classroom. “See you this evening, guys!”  
“Bye, Seonghwannie!” “Bye, Seonghwa-hyung!” Hongjoong and Wooyoung shouted at the same time while Jongho just winked. 

Don’t get him wrong, he loved his brother a lot, they just loved to nag each other. Seonghwa and Jongho weren’t that far away from each other age wise, they did everything together. Jongho was there for Seonghwa when he got shouted at by their father when he had failed his first important exam on his way to become a doctor. Seonghwa was there for Jongho when he had told him that he liked boys and couldn’t accept it. They were always there to tell each other that they could do anything and everything, that everything would be fine and that the world wasn’t as grey and dark as it looked in those moments. They loved each other dearly, which was the reason all their nagging didn’t threw them off. 

“Come on, Hongjoong-hyung, you have to go to the atelier as well, right?” Wooyoung threw one arm around the smaller boys shoulders, nudging his hyungs head, careful not to ruin his hairstyle. Hongjoong smiled sweetly. “Yes, I still have some comics I have to finish.” They turned right, waving Jongho goodbye before making their way together to one of the College ateliers. “Bye bye Jongho honey! We see each other later! Have fun at practice!”, Hongjoong shouted over his shoulder, it sounded almost as if he sung a melody. Jongho smiled and waved his two friends good-bye. He loved these boys. Laughing quietly, he made his way to his class, he was almost too late already.


	2. Introduction Yeosang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy that people liked the first chapter! Thank you for the love, here are finally Yeosang and the rest of the Ateez Boys that werent introduced yet!  
> TW: Implied past character death but like its talked about once.

Yeosang sat down in the big booth at the furthest end of their go-to-café - It was an obvious choice where to go when they found out that Yunho not only worked in this café but that it was also owned by his mother. He still remembered the first time he went there with San. Yunho had gave both of the boys one of his typical bear hugs and when his mother had found out that they were Yunhos friends she gave them hot chocolate for free. Yeosang loved Yunhos mother, she was one of the loveliest people he had ever met.

He sighed, resting his head against the back of the booth. He was supposed to meet Mingi and Yunho here in about 20 minutes but he couldn’t stay in his apartment any second longer or he would have freaked out. He already messed up his eyeliner twice and almost spilled his green tea over his newly worn (and super cute) outfit for the day this morning, he had to leave his dorm before it actually happened. That’s why he was way too early, still half asleep and still stressed over their show in the evening. It was always like this on premier days, Yeosang didn’t know how to rest properly when all his thoughts were on how to make his performance the best he ever did. And to add to this, today was the first time he would play the female lead role. Not that he never played girls before but it was never a lead role and he was scared to death that he wouldn’t pull it off or that the audience would not like it. He doubted himself before every show but on days like these, where he had to actually be good at something he didn’t do before (except for in practice) he felt especially insecure. He would never get rid of this habit, sadly. Yeosang sighed again, slumping forward, resting his head in his folded arms on the small table.

“Are you in your head again, sweetie?” Yeosang lifted his head when he heard Ms. Jeong right next to him. The woman had a small cup of tea in her hands, smiling at him warmly. “Good morning, Ms. Jeong. Its fine, its just that we have the premier today.” The woman placed the tea down in front of Yeosang who smiled but didn’t touch it yet since it was still steaming. She must have made it freshly just now. For Yeosang. “And you know very well that you and San will do amazing, like always. And I told you to call me Yerin, my love, no need for formalities.” She sat down on the booth across from him, leaning back with crossed arms. “I’m still sorry that Yunho and I cant be there tonight but you know…” Yeosang nodded, looking down to the small tea cup, his hands fidgeting on his lap. “I know, don’t worry, you can still see it next weekend! I will be happy whenever you two come to see the Musical.” 

Today, the 16th of January was the fifth anniversary of Yunhos fathers death. Yunho and his mother tried to keep themselves busy on that day but the evenings were just for them two, for their family to be together. Yeosang had found out about that last year, in their first year of College when he was pouting and groaning at Yunho why he wouldn’t come see Sans and his first proper play and he felt awful the moment he saw Yunhos bottom lip trembling and even more awful for pressuring the other boy when Yunho told him and San in tears the story about his father. Yeosang had sworn to himself that he would never be that selfish again to feel angry when it came to someone not coming to his shows for urgent reasons, the memory of Yunho sobbing first on his and then Mingis shoulder still much too clear in his mind. 

“We will DEFINITELY come and watch you next Friday, I will NOT miss you in a wig, I will NOT!” The silence between Yeosang and Yunhos mother was broken when Yunho stormed into the café, Mingis right hand tightly clutched in his left pulling the poor boy behind him inside the café. He only let go of his hand when he first went to peck his mothers forehead and then to hug Yeosang who had stood up and opened his arms for his friend to hug him. Yunho always gave the best hugs. “You better not, I look bomb in that wig! We will definitely gonna shoot some photos, I can show them to you on Monday if you wanna see them.” Yeosang entangled Yunhos arms from around him and the tall boy took a step back for his boyfriend so he could hug Yeosang as well, picking the smaller boy up and spinning him around once with a big gummy smile on his face. Yeosang couldn’t contain a small squeak.  
“I will let you boys talk now but I wanna see those pictures too next time you will be around. I wanna know what I get myself into next Friday.” Yeosang, who was now located again in the booth, one hand around his cup of tea, smiled at the woman, giving her a reassuring nod. “Of course!” They all waved her good-bye, Yunho and Mingi claiming the seat the woman occupied before. 

“By the way, where is San? Does he still have lectures today?” Mingi asked, leaning his head on his boyfriends shoulder. Yeosang smiled. The two tall boys sometimes could get on ones nerves with how disgustingly cute they were, holding hands and hugging each other almost all the time. Yunho would not let anyone come near Mingi except for Yeosang and San and every time he claimed to others that Mingi was his the latter had a deep blush on his face. Yeosang would normally fake gag or any other sort of noise to tease the two about their behaviour but he would let it slide today. 

Yeosang laughed quietly, taking a small sip from the tea. “As if, he is probably at the dance studio. You know how he is before a premier, he needs to vent off some steam or he will explode.” Mingi nodded knowingly. Yunho laughed. “That boy needs to learn how to chill, seriously. He will overwork himself one day and he knows that damn well.” The blue haired boy threw an arm around his boyfriend, giving Yeosang a tired glance. “Maybe you should talk with him.” Yeosang ruffled his dark blonde hair, snorting. His tea was already gone, he didn’t know he was that thirsty. “I’m his cousin, not his mother, he wont listen to me, no matter what I say.” 

“You could at least try. I don’t want him to overwork himself and exhaust himself too much. He already works enough.” The pout in Mingis voice was almost visible. Yunho couldn’t help himself and pat him on his brown hair, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You are too sweet, baby, but I think San can handle himself. He is crazy when it comes to dancing but he does know how to handle himself.” The youngest of them three whined, burying his head on Yunhos shoulder. “If you think so.” 

Yeosang laughed, taking out his phone, opening his chat with San. “Don’t worry, Mingi-ah. I will take care of him and make him take care of himself and if he wont I will kick his ass.” He typed a short _are you in the studio?_ Not expecting a message in the next five minutes and put his phone upside down on the table next to the tea cup. “Also how are you doing? How is Cheerleading practice up to now? I know you guys had to move to the smaller hall because of the soccer kids right?” Yeosang asked Mingi who groaned, slamming his hands on the table. “I swear to god those soccer kids don’t need all that space for kicking balls into a net. We are doing _flicks and splits_ , we need the space! Hongjoongie hyung already tried to convince the teacher to change halls again but they said we would be fine in the small one.” Pouting, the tall man crossed his arms in front of his chest, pulling his shoulders up and making him look even smaller than he already looked in that big fleece jacket he wore over his hoodie. The other two laughed. “If not even Hongjoong can convince someone to do something y’all are fucked. Then nobody can”, Yunho giggled, leaning his head again his arm which was placed on the table, looking at his boyfriend. Yeosang grinned. “I have to meet that Hongjoong guy one day, he seems fierce.” At the mention of his hyung Mingi lighted up, grinning widely. “He is! He is small but he can make everyone his bitch. I think I heard him talking about the Musical you guys perform so maybe you will meet him tonight!”  
Yeosangs phone vibrated. He picked it up and looked at the message. _Yes_. San seemed to be more stressed than he had originally thought  
“Yea maybe.” And with that he stood up, biting his friends good-bye, telling them that he would go see San. They didn’t ask any further questions, just waving him good-bye.

~°~

When Yeosang stepped into the dance studio it was reeking of sweat and exhaustion. He was expecting San to dance his soul out in front of the mirrors but when he looked around he saw the boy sitting against the mirrors, the stereo still loudly playing the song San must have danced to. The boy had closed his eyes. His black shirt and grey sweatpants sticking to his body. Yeosang can only imagine him being here since very early morning. San had his own key for this room, he could be here night and day. Yeosang strut across the room with big steps, turning off the music, making San flinch slightly but not opening with eyes. 

“How long are you here already?” Yeosang made his way over to his cousin, fishing a water bottle that was standing on one of the windowsill into his hands and throwing it at San who was finally looking at him, sitting himself down next to him. The mirror was cool in his back, he pulled his legs up and threw his arms around them, leaning his head on his knees. He gave the black haired boy a look that made San look down. “I never left.” He took the bottle of water, gulping the liquid down till only half of it remained in the bottle before he placed it next to him on the floor. He looked at the wall in front of him, his eyes unfocused. 

Yeosang groaned. “You know that we have a big show tonight right? And that you are one of the main dancers?” “That’s exactly the reason I stayed here all night.” Yeosang throw a glance at San, the boys head was hanging low, he looked defeated. Sometimes Yeosang didn’t get his cousin. He just wished he could look into his head sometimes. He knew that Sans one passion in life was dancing, performing, doing what he loved the most and that was expressing himself through dance and shining on stage. But every time they got close to a show or performance the younger boy exhausted himself out to the max because he never thought he was good enough even though he gave everything 120% of his power and always was brilliant. Yeosang often found himself jealous of his cousin for his amount of commitment and determination to be the best in whatever he does, especially dancing. He himself found himself often being okay with being average but the word average wasn’t one that San seemed to know. 

“Instead of torturing yourself the whole night you should come to my place and talk to me. Or go to Mingi and Yunho to talk to them, Mingi is really worried you know?” Yeosang put his hands between his thighs, suddenly cold in the normally way too hot practice room.  
“I don’t wanna bother any of you. You all have your own problems, you don’t need mine as well.” San sighed, finally looking at Yeosang who was still holding his gaze on him. “How are you doing today, Mr. Lead-Role?” The blonde boy scoffed. “This isn’t about me right now. But I’m fine. I wasn’t fine this morning but I’m fine now. The show will be bomb.” San smiled at him though it didn’t reach his eyes. “If you can worry about me I can also worry about you. My role isn’t that big, I’m just dancing. You on the other hand had to figure out a whole lot more. If I freaked out about my part you must have been a wreck.” San pushed his hair back, the white strand in his bangs sticking to his forehead. He looked older than he normally did. Maybe because the white in his hair, maybe because of how he spoke when he was frustrated with himself.

“You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine, seriously. I just want you to take care of yourself, that’s all I want from you.” Yeosang scooted over, wrapping one of his arms around the youngers shoulders, pulling him into his side. San leaned his head against his shoulder, inhaling his cologne and closing his eyes.  
They always had a special connection even though they were only cousins. Ever since they were young they were inseparable, always wanting to play or sing together, crying every time one of them had to go home and happy when they could have sleepovers. Their mothers always joked about them being separated at birth, that they must be twins of some sort. But Yeosang and San were happy with their relationship. They could always rely on one another and now even being in the same Musical department was a big relief for both of them because they could continue giving each other the strength that they needed to get through this competitive industry. There were many nights one of them – or both together – cried in the others arm because of a failed audition or a shouting of their strict teachers because they couldn’t do their best. Yes they were at top of their classes but that didn’t mean they didn’t know the feeling of failure and that they had each other (and Yunho and Mingi) to get through it all together was something they wouldn’t want to miss.

“I will, don’t worry.” San said, his lips curling into a smile the older boy could feel on his neck. Yeosang wrapped his other arm around San as well, hugging him tightly. He felt Sans hands coming up on his back, gently lying on his waist. They just sat there for a few minutes before San exhaled the oxygen he didn’t know he was holding in for the past minute and freed himself from Yeosangs embrace.  
“Did you have something to eat yet?” Yeosang shook his head. With a small grunting noise, his butt already fell asleep with how long he sat on the hard floor, San jumped and helped Yeosang follow him up, squeezing his hand that was now in his lightly before he let him go. “Lets eat something in the cafeteria, I didn’t have anything since yesterday evening.” Yeosang gasped and was about to scold his cousin but San was already bolting towards the door, laughing loudly. And how could he scold a happy San. Yeosang didn’t had it in him. Grinning he shook his head, following his cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Yunhos Father is the only one dead in this Story...i think. The next ones will be way longer, we will start with the actually first chapter on Wednesday! See ya!


	3. About brothers and brown wigs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first real chapter is up! i hope you gonna enjoy it, the boys are finally meeting hehe

Their doorbell rang once, twice, before someone started vigorously knocking against the wood. Jongho groaned, lying on his bed, his muscles still tired from training. He pushed himself up on his elbows, looking through his open door directly at Wooyoungs open one. He saw the boy standing in front of his wardrobe, two pants in his hands, frowning. Jongho groaned again, a bit louder. “Dumbass, open the door!” Wooyoung didn’t seem to be fazed by his shouting, still looking at the ripped jeans in his hands. “Its your brother, open up yourself.” “IM THE ONE THAT DIDN’T SKIP PRACTICE, YOU BETTER MOVE YOUR ASS NOW!”

Jongho dropped back down on his pillow when he heard a scoff from Wooyoung. He closed his eyes. Why did he agree to go to this musical on a full day of practice? He knew he would be tired. And now he would definitely have to play doll for Wooyoung and Hongjoong, them dressing him up in varies outfits until they were satisfied. That’s how it was, every single time. Jongho sighed, why exactly was he friends with them?

“Thank god, I heard my baby screaming, took you long enough to open the door! Where is my baby boy?? Is everything alright??” Jongho didn’t have to open his eyes when he heard Hongjoongs loud sounds of worry, shortly followed with someone storming into his room, letting out a dramatic gasp. Jongho slowly opened one of his eyes, giving the older boy a grin. The smaller looked at him with worry in his bare eyes, his lips curled in a small pout. He almost wouldn’t have recognized Hongjoong without make up (he must have took it off before coming here to apply new one) but in Jonghos mind he was still as pretty as always, his soft features in no need of make up in his opinion.  
“Hey Hyung, don’t worry, i'm fine.” Hongjoong sat himself down on the edge of his bed, his small hand on top of his left thigh. He frowned. “Was practice that hard? Are you ok to come with us?” 

Hearing another scoff from the hallway, Jongho looked up from Hongjoong, seeing Wooyoung and Seonghwa standing in the doorframe to his room, his brother looking affectionately at the smaller boy. Wooyoung not so affectionately looking at Jongho himself. “He's fineee. He is being dramatic again, come on, we have to get ready or we gonna be late. Jongho I want you in my room in 10 minutes or I will cut your gi (A/N: a gi is the traditional training suit for all sorts of martial arts).” With that Wooyoung turned around and stomped to his room. Jongho couldn’t stop the giggle that left his throat. Hongjoong shook his head. “He is so dramatic sometimes. I will go start with my make up.” He stood up from Jonghos bed, gave his thigh a few small pats before he went to see Wooyoung. When he passed by Seonghwa he could see the smaller boy smiling at his brother, Seonghwa smiling back softly. 

The moment Hongjoong disappeared behind the door of his roommates room Jongho gave his brother a knowing smirk. He sat himself up and against the headboard of his bed, shaking his head. His hair stood in all directions from the power nap he had after he came home only 45 minutes before Seonghwa and Hongjoong were supposed to be coming over. He looked at himself in the small mirror that hung on their hallway wall across his room through the still opened door. While he put some stray strands back in place he said:  
“You're an idiot and you know it.” Seonghwa, who was now located on his office chair, legs crossed, looked very interested at his turned off phone. “I don’t know what you mean and I would be careful if I were you, brat.” Jonghos left eyebrow rose before he crunched them together, giving his brother a slight glance. “When are you finally telling him? You are both so oblivious.” The older boy rolled his eyes. “As I said, I don’t know what you mean but you better be quiet before they hear you. God you really have to control your volume sometimes.”

Jongho was about to say something but closed his mouth again when he saw his brother putting his phone back into his coat pocket, realising that he wouldn’t get away with this conversation. Seonghwa sighed, ruffling his hair stressed. He almost could see the older thinking. “I know I have to tell him, because he will never. But you know how it is if you don’t want to lose someone. He may not feel the same.” Seonghwas voice was low, almost too quiet for Jongho to hear but he knew exactly what he said. He knew what he said but he didn’t understand. “I cant risk that he doesn’t like me. He is nice and sweet to everyone. Its just his nature. He calls you his baby all the time.” It was Jonghos turn to roll his eyes. “You know exactly that the way he acts around me is way different than the way he acts around you. He sits himself on your lap and he sleeps in your arm every time he stays over and he buys you food and drinks when you have to study and he looks at you that way he doesn’t look at any of us.” “He is my best friend, of course we do all that things. You and Wooyoung do them too.” “But you know exactly that he-“  
“Ok look, brat, its not that easy! Love isn’t as easy as you think, you cant just go up to someone and tell them that you love them and expect that they love you back, its just not that easy. But I forgot, you cant know, you never were in love with anyone.” 

The air in Jonghos room suddenly felt too heavy, he felt too hot. His brother was right, he never loved anyone truly, not like Seonghwa. All of the sudden he didn’t feel comfortable anymore leaning against his headboard. He swung his legs off the bed, ruffling his hair he had just put back in place, a few strands falling into his eyes, his head hanging low. He could feel Seonghwas eyes on him. “Jongho, im so-“, he couldn’t look at his brother as he tried to press out words through his tightened throat. “Its ok, hyung, you are right, I don’t know what you mean.”  
Jongho stood up, taking his phone of the charger on his nightstand and walked towards Wooyoungs room. Wooyoung had already took half of his closet inside his room so they could try there so he didn’t have to worry about that as well. His hand already lied on the door handle. He could hear Wooyoungs and Hongjoong quiet giggles and rustling behind the door.  
“We should get ready, come on.” And he opened the door, smiling at the boys when they looked up to him, Wooyoung already mocking him for finally getting off his bed. None of the two noticed that the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

~°~

When Jongho stepped into his best friends room he saw that the two boys were already dressed and just started with their makeup. Wooyoung was dressed in tight black leather pants, over that a wide red blouse that probably went way past his butt. He wore a black choker around his throat and was already applying a black eye shadow on his left eyelid. Hongjoong wore wide Bordeaux red batting pants, similar to the once he wore this morning, which contrasted with his bright red hair. Over that he wore a black crop top that would probably reveal his whole stomach if the pants wouldn’t be high waisted. He had two delicate golden necklaces around his neck, fitting the big golden hoops hanging from his ears. He hadn’t started his make up yet. 

When Wooyoung heard the door open he looked up from the big mirror in front of him. The two boys had squished themselves both in front of Wooyoungs makeup table. Wooyoung grinned. “Oh you are finally honouring us with your presence. Come on, we need to pick an outfit for you.” He stood up, almost knocking against Hongjoong who has started working on his eyebrows and who gave him a death glare. “Careful or I will kick you.” Wooyoung laughed. “You are too sweet to kick me.” He only got a quiet scoff back from Hongjoong. “You can be happy that that’s true. Or I just make Jongho kick you, he will do it.” Both boys looked at the latter. Jongho shrugged with his shoulders. “He has a point. But I would do anything for you, hyung.” He had already expected the punch against his shoulder he earned from Wooyoung, playing along by pretending that he hurt him. He heard Hongjoongs soft laugh, smiling. He could swear that everything that was related to Hongjoong was soft and small, just like the boy himself. “Ugh, you hurt me, I don’t think I can come with you guys tonight.” Jongho gasped overdramatically but laughed it off when he saw that Wooyoung rose his hand again for another hit. His best friend almost swore at him. “Stop playing around and get changed. There are two outfits, take the one you like more, you big dumbdumb.” He gestured towards his bed which was packed with clothes, layed out in two different sets. Jongho poked his tongue out at Wooyoung before taking a further look at the outfits the other two had prepared for him. The first outfit was a combination of black ripped jeans, a white button up and a grey jeans jacket, combined with black combat boots and a silver chain. The second one was more like a suit, a dark red blazer over a black button up and also black jeans, which had less rips all over his thighs but just two slits where his knees would be. Wooyoung and Hongjoong had picked black suit shoes for him to wear with that outfit. He went for the first option. He quickly got rid of his pyjama (consisting of black jogging pants and a white tshirt that he had thrown over right after he got home, his gym clothes too sweaty to have them on any longer) and started to change into his outfit for the night. He didn’t glance over at the other two, knowing that they wouldn’t care if he changed here or anywhere else. They were no strangers in getting undressed in front of each other, years of friendship took away all shyness they eventually had in the beginning. Also, when your best friend is Jung Wooyoung you better believe he will walk around half naked on a daily basis, so being shy was no option anyways, at least not around him or any of the other two. 

Jongho had just put on the ripped jeans when he heard the door open, then Seonghwa whispering something to Hongjoong that his eye makeup was pretty. Jongho tensed and took a fast glance over his shoulder. He could see a fade blush on the smaller boys cheeks, he couldn’t tell if that was from the makeup he had applied or because of the compliment his brother had gave him. He didn’t look for long though because he quickly turned around again and grabbed the button up when his brother looked at him. Jongho exhaled quietly, buttoning up the shirt. He hated to fight with his brother, especially on occasions like this where they were supposed to have fun. But Seonghwa knew that that was a sensitive topic for his little brother, “love”, and even though he had started it, Seonghwa, as his older brother, should have known not to involve him in this.  
“Hyung, you cant just compliment Hongjoongie and don’t say anything to me.” Wooyoung pouted, and Jongho heard his brother chuckle. “You look beautiful too, do you really need me to reassure yourself?” “Of course I do! Im a fragile soul, I need all the reassurance I can get.” Now it was Jonghos turn to chuckle. He zipped up his shoes, grabbing the jeans jacket and throwing it over his shoulder before turning to his best friend. “There will be enough people later that will tell you you are pretty, no need to fish for compliments.” He went over to Wooyoung, helping him with the small bracelet he had wrapped around his wrist but didn’t quiet succeed to properly close it. The smaller boy smiled at him, freeing his wrist – the bracelet savely secured now – from Jonghos hands and started fixing the youngest hair. “You really don’t want any makeup? I can just put something really light on you.” Wooyoung nodded over at his makeup table where Hongjoong had seated Seonghwa in front of it and just applied some lip tint on his lips, he was already done with his eyes that just shimmered very decent. The total opposite of the vibrant black, red and orange look Hongjoong had given himself. Jongho looked back to Wooyoung and for the first time since he had finished his makeup the younger looked at him properly. Wooyoung had his eyes painted in all black, red glitter in the middle and corner of his eyes, the same glitter also on his cheeks and lips that otherwise where dark red. He looked truly stunning. No wonder so many people liked his best friend. He would probably too if it wouldn’t be for their years long friendship.  
Jongho shook his head lightly, to not ruin his hair. “No, i'm fine, you can shine, I don’t need to.” Wooyoung let out small puffs of air against his chin as he laughed before leaning up and pressing a small peck against Jonghos cheek, immediately wiping the lipstick stain away. “You don’t need makeup to shine, Jongho.” Jongho wasn’t that sure about that.

~°~

“Your friend seriously got us tickets for the first row?”, was the first thing Jongho had blurted out when they found their seats, almost directly in the middle of the stage. The curtains were still closed, they still had around 15 minutes until the play would begin. Jongho had seated himself in between Wooyoung and Hongjoong, Seonghwa on Hongjoongs other side. Wooyung chuckled. “Well, what can I say, im a widely known designer, people want me to be at their events.”  
“Pfft, you aren’t worthy of the first row, honey. If anything it is because of me, I know more people here on campus.” Jongho snorted at Hongjoongs remark making Wooyoung pout and leaning back with crossed arms. Jongho cooed at him, carefully patting his head to not ruin his hairstyle. “Well in the end it doesn’t matter what tickets we got as long as we have a good view.” Seonghwa said from the side, looking at an article on his phone. Jongho gave him a short look but quickly turned back to Wooyoung. He would talk with him after the play. Maybe.

“Oh my god, Hongjoong hyung!!!” They all jumped at the loud voice screaming from the other end of the row. Hongjoong turned his head, confused, but lit up as soon as he saw who had called him. “Mingi, sunshine, you are here as well? Why didn’t you tell me??” The small boy had jumped up and threw himself into the taller boys arms who picked him up easily. Jongho couldn’t stop taking a glance at his brother who had tensed in his seat the moment the stranger had wrapped his arms around Hongjoong. Mingi?  
“Guys, this is Mingi, he is one of my babies at the Cheerleading team. Mingi these are Wooyoung, Jongho and Seonghwa, my best friends!” Hongjoong, still one arm wrapped around Mingis waist, had gestured to each of them as he spoke, before going back to his seat but not sitting down. “Hello, nice to meet you, hyung talks about you a lot”, Mingi waved to Wooyoung (who was vigorously waving as well) and Jongho (who gave him a small nod) and turned to Seonghwa who just raised an eyebrow, “especially you, hyung.” The tall boy giggled and if Jongho wouldn’t have seen Mingi in front of him he would have thought that giggle belonged to a child. It was cute. 

“Who told you to call me ‘hyung’?” Jongho was shocked at his brothers harshness. Mingi blushed and quickly apologized, Hongjoong though was anything but amused. The small boy slapped the olders shoulder, frowning at him. “What the fuck, Seonghwa? Cant you be friendlier to my friends??” Hongjoong finally sat down again, after bowing and apologizing to Mingi for Seonghwas behaviour. The latter didn’t look like he would say any more after Hongjoong spared him not one more glance. Jongho sighed. They seriously needed to talk.  
“Eh…i-im gonna go back to m-my se-seat. I will see you guys later?” Mingi mumbled, sounding discouraged but Hongjoong gave him a sweet smile before giving him a reassuring yes before Wooyoung added: “We still have to meet up with Yeosang and his cousin after the show but we will definitely see you around!”  
Well that was new for Jongho. But before he could say anything Mingi already opened his mouth. “Oh, im here to see Yeosang and San as well!! They are my friends! Sadly, my boyfriend couldn’t be here but we will see the play again next Friday!” And with that he waved the four boys good-bye and he went back to his seat. 

Jongho threw an annoyed glance at Wooyoung. “I said no funny business after the play.” Wooyoung groaned and rolled his eyes. “There are no funny business happening. Yeosang invited us and told me to meet him backstage after the show. Nothing more, nothing less, so don’t freak out.” Jonghos head was full with thoughts he couldn’t say anymore because the moment he wanted to speak he was, again, interrupted. But this time by the dimming lights in the theatre and the curtains rising, releasing the background for the first scene. He looked over to Wooyoung one last time who had pressed his index finger against his lips and gestured to the stage. Jongho sighed, concentrating on the still empty stage, only an instrumental had started playing. He would tell Wooyoung later that he really wasn’t in the mood to meet new people right now. Especially not before he hadn’t talked with his brother. He would tell Wooyoung later that he could go meet his friends, that he could go home alone, that he didn’t have to worry about him.

That was the exact moment a woman stepped on the stage. Jongho could hear the high heels clicking on the wooden floor even over the loud jazz saxophone. He couldn’t take his eyes off the black corset and feather boa for a hot second before his gaze finally worked his way up to the womans face. No. Not a woman. The boy that was put in the short brown wig and long lashes was breath taking but no real woman. Jongho gulped when he heard the first note coming out of his mouth. His voice was beautiful too. Jongho felt like he couldn’t breathe for a second, adjusting his position on his seat, trying hard that neither Wooyoung nor Hongjoong noticed. He almost jumped out of his seat when he felt Wooyoung punching his shoulder. Jongho almost got whiplash with how fast he turned his head, seeing Wooyoung mouth: “That’s Yeosang!”  
Jongho turned back to the stage, gulping again. The woman, no, _Yeosang_ , had took a seat on the piano prop on the left side of the stage, continuing the song, looking into the crowd with a confidence in his eyes that made Jonghos knees weak.  
And that was when he felt Yeosangs sultry eyes on him. Jongho wasn’t sure if he actually looked at him or at someone behind him but Jonghos world stopped turning. All he could focus on was Yeosang and this damn voice.  
He only got out of his trance when he heard the people around him – even though it sounded far, far away – clapping as the first song was over. His hands moved without thinking, clapping as well, not taking his eyes of the boy in a wig.

The first act was torture for Jongho. He didn’t even register any of the real plot, – he already knew the musical by heart but still. – his eyes and mind focused on the beautiful boy in the brown wig. Sometimes he could hear Wooyoung laugh or Hongjoong gasp next to him, the two boys completely into the performance and story. Seonghwa just quietly watched the play as he did every time they went out to see a musical. Jongho was quiet as well but all he thought about was that he was about to meet that beautiful boy soon and panic spread through his body. He wasn’t sure he could contain any weird comments wants he actually stood in front of the boy. Especially if he would still be in his outfit. Jongho hoped he would change beforehand.

Jongho still didn’t say anything throughout the whole break, letting Hongjoong and Wooyoung chatter over his head. He had closed his eyes, leant back against his seat, progressing what had just happened. He wasn’t sure if he could even survive the second act. He barely survived the first one. Jongho was more than happy that he said yes to coming to this musical with the other three but Wooyoung could have given him a warning that his friend was a god walking earth. He could have prepared him for…anything really and not just throw him in this spiral that confused him deeply. 

The second act opened with a big dance number and it was Wooyoungs time to choke on his own saliva as one particular boy with black hair and a white strand had catch his attention. There weren’t a lot of dancers on the stage, after all, the musical department didn’t consist of hundreds of actors, but there was one boy that moved his body with a form of fluidity Jongho hadn’t witnessed before. He looked like a moving piece of art, not the same kind of breath taking he had felt for Yeosang but he was still…breath taking. Jongho dared to look away from the stage for a brief second to witness Wooyoung melt into his seat, he barely heard a murmured holy shit out if his best friends mouth. Good that they shared the same feeling about this whole performance. Jongho smiled at his best friend when he saw him clapping almost aggressively when the song ended, the dancers one after one exiting the stage.

The play came to an end and Jongho wasn’t ready for it be over so soon. He was especially not ready for going backstage and meeting the actors but he also just didn’t want to live without the boy in the wig and high heels in front of him. But Jongho realised that it was seriously over when all actors came to the front to take their last bow, everyone already introduced but he hadn’t listened, his complete focus on Yeosang who was smiling and now holding a bouquet of pink roses in his hands. Jongho hadn’t even realised that he had stood up, like everyone else, and was also clapping together with the other people in the audience. Wooyoung and Hongjoong were howling next to him and he swear that he could hear Mingis voice scream something like _those are my friends!!!_  
All actors were holding hands and bowing until the curtains had fallen, the loud clapping and shouting in the audience not ebbing down until a good few minutes after the curtains were completely closed.  
Jongho just wanted to slump himself back down in his seat and stay there until they went back home. His head were empty but his heart was beating in a frequence he didn’t think would be healthy for him. He felt like he just lifted 180 pounds, he was exhausted but also full of adrenaline. 

Jongho was about to sit back down when he felt Wooyoung grab his hand and tug him up the stairs to the stage, Hongjoong and Seonghwa (and Mingi, Jongho didn’t know when he had come around) right behind them. Wooyoung guided him through the backstage area of the theatre as if he would have been here a millions of time. Jongho gulped.  
“You sure its fine if we go there so close after the show?”  
Wooyoung looked at him over his shoulder, smirking at him. “Yeosangie said to meet him after the show in his and Sans dressing room. They are two of the few that have their own dressing room, isn’t that cool? And its after the show now, so come on, I wanna tell him how good he was.” Jongho would like to do the same but he feared if he opened his mouth in front of Yeosang he wouldn’t get anything out that was beyond weird gibberish. Besides, he was straight in the eyes of everyone in the College. He didn’t know if they maybe knew Jongho from tellings since he already won some competitions and he couldn’t afford to gay panic in front of the two strangers. 

Soon they arrived in front of a door with a small sign on it, written on it Kang Yeosang & Choi San. Jongho felt how Wooyoungs hand tightened around his own before he let go of his hand and knocked on the door. The youngest felt a bead of sweat on his temple. He wasn’t ready. Hongjoong must have sensed his distress because the older nudged him from behind him and gave him an encouraging smile when Jongho turned around. He smiled back at the smaller male. 

The door opened and Jongho turned to face whoever had opened it. In front of him stood the dancer with the black and white hair, smiling at something – or someone – behind them. He heard Wooyoung audibly exhale next to him when he realised that Yeosangs cousin was that amazing dancer from the big dance number.  
“Omg Mingi, you came tonight!” Confused they all looked behind them, already forgotten about the tall boy following them. Jongho stepped aside to make room for Mingi to go hug his friend. He smiled when the tall boy embraced San, apparently, looking like he crushed him in his hug. “You did great, im so proud of you!” They parted and San stepped back, letting Mingi (and the other four) into the medium sized dressing room. Mingi went straight to the other boy that stood with the back to them, hanging up a clothing back. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a big hoodie, blonde hair in all directions but still looking fluffy and styled. Mingi went up to him, hugging the boy from behind. Jongho assumed that that was Yeosang. He fidgeted with his hands behind his back until Hongjoong lied one of his hands above his. Jongho bit his bottom lip nervously. “You two did so good! It was an amazing show!” Wooyoung blurted out, grinning brightly and that was when Yeosang had pulled away from Mingi and turned around to them, smiling cutely at Wooyoung. 

Jongho was convinced that he was dead. He must be dead and in heaven because Yeosang couldn’t be real. The boy still hadn’t took off his makeup, his eyelashes long and prominent. Jongho also noticed the dark blush on his cheeks. He believed that this makeup was purely for the show, that the boy wouldn’t normally would walk around with such strong blush and lipstick. But he was also friends with people like Hongjoong who already went out with body paint and a leo print jumpsuit, so you never know. Yeosangs hair was tossled, probably from the wig he wore before and he looked soft all around in the big pastel purple hoodie he wore.  
“Thank you, Wooyoungie. And that must be your friends. Its nice to meet you.” He took a few steps forward, now standing next to San. Hongjoong, who was now standing next to Jongho gave the boy a sweet smile. “Its nice to meet you too, Yeosang-sshi. Im Hongjoong and these are Seonghwa”, he pointed back at the boy who was faintly smiling and waving at the two boys, “and Jongho. We really enjoyed the play. Its actually Jonghos favourite musical!” Jonghos eyes widening, he looked at his friend in disbelief. Why did he say that? There was no need for that information. 

“Oh really? Well then I hope San and I did a good job so you could enjoy your favourite musical.” That was the first time Yeosang spoke directly to him, looking him in the eyes and grinning. Jongho was sure he could see the deep blush on his cheeks, he couldn’t stand his gaze. But Jongho was now also sure that Yeosang must have looked at him earlier in the performance, he had that knowing look on his face and Jongho couldn’t deal with that.  
“Eh, y-yes, I really enjoyed it. Y-you two were great.” He scraped his neck with one of his hands, laughing nervously when he looked back up. He didn’t miss the way Yeosang looked him up and down. “Well im glad then.” And he started talking with Wooyoung about the outfits they had and the performance, Hongjoong and Seonghwa joining in – well at least Hongjoong joined in, Seonghwa just stood behind the smaller boy like a watch dog, as always. He really needed to stop being so jealous about something that didn’t belong to him. 

Jongho stood back next to Seonghwa, looking down on the floor. He didn’t want to interact in the conversation. To be honest he just wanted to go home and go straight to bed, maybe cry for a bit or cuddle up with Wooyoung or Hongjoong (and if there wouldn’t have been that damn fight he would love to cry on Seonghwas shoulder as well) because he was way too overwhelmed. This was all too much for him. He didn’t remember the last time he was actually attracted to someone like this, the last time someone confused him on a level he didn’t know how to act. Yes he had problems with talking to people in general but Yeosang was different. He had this confidence in his words but a softness in his gaze and a little bit of insecurity in the way he wrapped his hand tightly around Sans forearm and Jongho just wanted to hold him or show him his favourite spots on campus or kiss him all over, he wasn’t sure. He just wanted to go home, he was sure about that.  
Jongho took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. “Eh, guys, im sorry to disturb you b-but im really tired from practice, so I will go back home first. You have your keys, right, Wooyoung?” All eyes were on him, which made him even more uncomfortable but he powered through it and smiled at no one in particular. Wooyoung gave him a confused look but nodded nonetheless. Hongjoong lied one hand on Jonghos biceps. “Is everything ok?”, he whispered but Jongho just shook him off with a half smile. “Im fine, im really just tired. I hope you guys have a good rest evening!” He didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, already half turned around when he locked eyes with Yeosang again for a brief moment before he turned around completely and bolted out the door. He felt embarrassment creep up his spine and he was on the brink of tears. He really hated his insecurities, he wished he could just not be himself sometimes. The first tear rolled down his cheek when he exited the theatre. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry


	4. About coffee and insecurity

“Jongho, wait!” 

He had almost reached his dormitory when he heard his brother calling for him. He stopped for a second but continued walking, slower than before. He heard Seonghwa groaning. “Come on, we should talk. I know you are not well right now.” Jongho opened the front door to the building, laughing bitterly. “Oh, I have no idea how you feel but you know everything about me? I don’t think so.” He stormed up the stairs, he knew Seonghwa would be following him. He also knew that they would talk it out right now, no matter if it was the right time or not. Maybe it was better like this, Jongho would at least have his brother back he could fall back onto.   
Jongho fumbled for his dorm keys. He heard how Seonghwa came to a halt behind him, thankful for the boy that he at least waited until they were in his apartment and didn’t do this in the hallway. When the door fell closed behind Seonghwa Jongho exhaled deeply, it came out shakier than he thought.   
“I know what I said this evening wasn’t ok, I’m sorry, Jongho. Im stressed with exams and the whole situation with Hongjoong and I took it out on you in a way that I knew would heard you even though I know you just wanted to help me.” Seonghwa sighed, taking a step forward. They still stood in the hallway of Jongho and Wooyoungs apartment, Jongho still hadn’t turned to him. His head hung low, concentrating hard not to break down in front of his brother. Not that that didn’t happen before but he didn’t want that right now, they had to fix the situation right now so he could tell Seonghwa everything that was going on in his head.   
“I’m really sorry, Jongho. I hope you can forgive me. I will try my best to be a good brother. Especially right now. Please talk to me, I know you are crying.” Jongho hadn’t even realised he had started crying again, his shoulders shaking and his cheeks wet. Quickly, he wiped his eyes with both his hands, straightening up. “Lets not talk about that here, lets go to my room.” On shaky feet he made his way to his room, sitting himself down on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees, fixating the wall in front of him. He saw the picture of him, Hongjoong, Wooyoung and Seonghwa in that one water park they had visited last year, hair wet, laughing. Jongho sobbed quietly. 

He felt Seonghwas arm around his shoulder and he uncounsciously leaned against his brother. His sobs got louder, his whole body shaking. None of them said something but that was okay. Between hiccups and soft sniffles Jongho had enough time to think about how he would explain his situation to Seonghwa even though he believed that he already knew. After all, Seonghwa did know how he was feeling even when he had said he didn’t earlier. His brother always knew how he felt and when he needed someone to comfort him. He even came back from the theatre alone for Jongho. Seonghwa must have seen the look in his eyes earlier on, that he wasn’t in the right headspace. He could have spent the evening with Hongjoong and the others having fun but he didn’t. For Jongho. That thought made Jongho sob one last time before his vision started to get clear again, the sounds that left his throat from crying quieting down. 

“Hyung”, Jongho felt Seonghwa stifle next to him. He never called him ‘hyung’ as long as it wasn’t a serious matter. The arm around his shoulders tighten.   
“Hyung, I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have butted into your business. I cant tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.” Jongho looked up, first time since they came here looking into his brothers face. Seonghwa smiled slightly, bringing his free hand up to wipe away a stray tear on Jonghos face. “I told you, its fine. I’m not the one that is upset. You…wanna tell me what exactly makes you so upset?”  
“Its stupid, I don’t know what is happening right now.” Seonghwa scoffed. “Its never stupid when you are like this. You don’t break down like this if it isn’t for a good reason. Please tell me so I can help you.”   
“Its just…this boy-“ “Yeosang?” Jongho nodded. Words started to flow out of him without him really knowing what he was saying:  
“He is messing with my head and I don’t know what to do about it. I couldn’t take my eyes of him for the whole performance. It was as if I were in trance. And then we had to meet him and his cousin and I just…I just couldn’t breath anymore.” Jonghos expression was desperate, desperate for some kind of solution to what was going on in him. He inhaled and exhaled shakily.  
“Hyung, everyone thinks I’m straight. Even if I would like Yeosang, I could never tell him. How am I gonna say someone like him that I like him? I don’t even know him! I know nothing, oh my god hyung, I know absolutely nothing! What is happening, I don’t know what to do.” Jongho was on the verge of hyperventilating, panic forming in his chest. Before he could say anymore Seonghwa wrapped both arms tightly around him. He started whispering quiet words of reassuring in Jonghos ear but he couldn’t really recognized what he said exactly. He tried to concentrate on his breathing, that’s what he learned when he had a panic attack before his first judo competition: breathe in, breathe out.  
“Jongho, baby, listen to me, you need to calm down.” It was like Seonghwa was far, far away but he still tried to, loosely wrapping his arms around his brothers waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck. His breathing started to even. “That’s it, good boy, please calm down. I know, its terrifying but we will find a way for it all to turn out fine. I’m sure we will.” Seonghwa pushed him away from his shoulder but not too far, taking Jonghos face in both of his hands gently. He smiled at him. Jongho tried to smile to but it ended up in some sort of grimace. “You are not alone. You are not weird or horrible, I know its sometimes hard to believe for yourself but you are ok, we are ok and I’m here for you, no matter what decision you take. Understood?” Jongho nodded as best as he could with Seonghwa holding his face. He didn’t trust his voice not to break when he would try to say something. 

Seonghwa hugged one last time tightly before letting go completely, standing up. Jongho was fast to complain, grabbing at the olders coat, demanding him to stay. Seonghwa chuckled. “I was just about to get us some more comfortable clothes and then we can cuddle and sleep, is that okay? I’m not leaving.” That was good enough for Jongho. Grumbling quietly he let go of his brothers clothes and sat back straight, getting rid of his jacket and shoes. When he looked up he saw Seonghwa who held two pairs of pyjama pants in his hands and two tshirts, throwing one set at his younger brother. It landed on his lap and he continued to change into the way more comfortable clothes Seonghwa had got for him from his closet. He giggled when he saw the fit of his tshirt on Seonghwas way slimmer form. Since he started working out properly for judo practice his shoulders had gotten a lot broader and his chest a lot wider so that they had to get him an almost completely new set of shirts and button ups that he could fit in. His brother looked small in his shirt, a sight he didn’t get to see often. 

When they were both changed and ready they lied down on Jonghos bed, Jonghos head on Seonghwas shoulder, the older carding a hand through the youngers hair. 

“Thank you”, Jongho mumbled, playing with the hem of Seonghwas shirt. He could hear a low giggle from above him. “What are you thanking me for? All I did was what a good older brother should do.”Jongho snorted. “Don’t flatter yourself too much, you and your impulsive ass are with a reason I broke down like this”, but he regretted what he said right after and said: “I’m sorry, don’t worry about it. We talked it out and most of it was because of my messed up head anyways.” The older sighed. “I know, Jongho. I know you don’t like talking about it but maybe you should consider coming out to some other people. Especially if you really like that Yeosang guy.”   
“I cant.” The younger mumbled, Seonghwa almost didn’t pick it up. He sighed again. “But why? You don’t have to be scared, I will fight everyone that makes you feel bad. And not get me started on Hongjoong and Wooyoung, they would kick anyones ass for you. I didn’t believe it at first but Hongjoong is stronger than he looks.” They both laughed, lightening the heavy mood that had built over this topic. But Jongho couldn’t stop thinking about it, the topic of his own sexuality always hard on him. “I know but I’m still scared. I don’t know how to explain it but I’m just…I am not ready yet.” Jongho felt Seonghwas hand back on his head, caressing him as if he wanted to tell him that it was okay. “I know and I will be here the moment you decide that you are ready. And for now we will just see where life takes us. Us both.”   
“Yea, lets see. I don’t think I will see this boy again any time soon anyways.” 

~°~

Jongho met Yeosang for the second time faster than he would have thought. 

The weekend had gone quiet smoothly. On Saturday he had brunch with Wooyoung and Seonghwa, the former continuously asking if he was fine again, apologizing for whatever reason, Jongho didn’t know.   
“I made you go there, I didn’t know the evening would end in a break down.” Jongho had just laughed and responsed with: “When does an evening you plan not end with me having a break down.” He knew he deserved the punch he got out of it.  
On Sunday he went to meet with Hongjoong after he was done with practice, just watching the older working on a drawing he had to submit a few days after. He had listened to the smaller male ranting about Seonghwas behaviour towards Mingi - Jongho barely remembered that he was Hongjoongs friend from the Cheerleading Team, the Friday evening already just a blur in his mind.   
“I cant believe that he said something like this! Mingi had apologized to me several times at practice yesterday because he thought he did something wrong! I cant believe Seonghwa, ugh.” Jongho had not been able to stop himself from giggling, the older looking too cute when he was angry, cheeks bloated with air and lilac lips curled in a pout. “You should talk with Hwa already. He was asking for you this morning, you know?” A small scoff had left the olders lips. “I’m talking with him unless he apologizes for what he did!” After Jongho went out to get coffee for them both he had texted his brother telling him to _apologize to Hongjoonie if you wanna save your marriage._ He wasn’t offended at the _Fuck off. I will_ he got back an hour later.

And up until afternoon the Monday was quiet uneventful as well. When Wooyoung and him had arrived at the lecture building he had seen Seonghwa and Hongjoong already together again, the small boy sitting on the olders lap, both reading something in Hongjoongs phone. Seonghwa must have apologized directly when Hongjoong came home quiet late Sunday night for them to be this friendly with each other again. Not that Hongjoong could be mad at his Hwahwa for too long. 

Jongho had a full day of lecture though on Monday, meaning him being on campus from morning classes at 9AM until 5PM in the afternoon. He still had lunch with his friends but was alone afterwards since the others didn’t had any more classes to attend. Wooyoung had gone back to his room to work on a design, Seonghwa had lab work he still had to finish and Hongjoong had to attend Cheerleading practice since they added on practices with a competition nearing. The first break Jongho spent alone he had busied himself with homeworks but when he finished his second argumentation in the first half of his second break he thought it would be a good idea to get coffee before starting his next report.   
There was this one cute little café near campus he knew of, a lot of students went there because it was quiet cheap and you could get your coffee on the run. 

Jongho packed up his stuff and got going to the coffee shop, he already felt tired and he hoped an Iced Americano would help him through his last 90 minutes lecture of family law. Since he still had more than enough time – around half an hour – until his lecture began he took his time getting to the café. It was only a five minutes walk and with the headphones in his ears and music playing it didn’t seem half as long, Candy Store blasting in his ears.   
When he could already see the café he stopped the music and pulled out the headphones. He always found it rude talking to other people with earphones on and the woman that owned the café was always really friendly, he didn’t wanna be rude to her. 

As he entered the shop he could already smell the coffee and fresh brewed tea they served, smiling at the pleasant smell. The quiet ding the door made when someone entered the shop made the boy at the counter – her son, he found out once – look up and smile at him. He was talking with someone before, that person wearing a beret and half hiding behind the big coffee machine. Jongho smiled too and went over to him.   
“Hello, what can I get for you?” The tall boy said, his light blue hair falling in his face as he took a sharpie from under the cash register. “A large Iced Americano with extra espresso shot to go, please.” The boy fake gasped. “Double espresso this late in the day? Long day, huh?” His remark made Jongho laugh and nod. “Late lecture today.” The boy smirked and took a large cup before he looked up to Jongho. “Whats your name?” “Jongho.”  
Jongho saw that he halted for a second and the person behind the coffee machine coughing heavily. Worriedly, Jongho looked behind the machine, as the boy behind the counter did, almost tripping over his own feet when he saw who it was. 

“I-its you!” Jongho stammered, eyes widening and looking at Yeosangs face who was still quietly coughing on his coffee. “Sang, is everything ok?”, Jongho heard the cashier say to the boy in the beret but he just waved his hand and made an okay-sign, symbolising that everything was fine. Jongho blushed and looked around, the flowers on the tables really interesting all of the sudden.

“I’m fine, i didn’t expect you here.” Jongho turned to Yeosang, who was now looking at him as well, his eyes slightly red from coughing and some tears the choking had made him release. His face also looked red, Jongho couldn’t tell if it was because he was also embarrassed or because of his coughing fit. Jongho gulped. “S-same here.”   
“OHH, is he the boy Mingi told me about? The broad one?” It was Jonghos turn to cough, swallowing his own saliva. Had Yeosang talked about him??  
“For the love of god, Yunho, please shut up.” The tall boy – Yunho – grinned before he (finally) started to make Jonghos coffee. Yeosang, in the meantime, had focused his gaze on his coffee mug again, nervously rubbing his index finger against the ceramic. Jongho used the opportunity to look at the boy further, he noticed the small choker around his neck, the same dark green colour as his beret which fitted beautifully to his dark blonde hair. He also noticed the small chains - hanging of his green checked pants - that were half covered by his big beige hoodie. He looked stunning. Jongho gulped again.   
He almost jumped when he heard the boy speak. “I’m sorry for my friend, he can be a dumbass. I…didn’t give you any nicknames in front of my friends or anything.” The blonde boy cleared his throat, taking a small sip of his coffee. Jongho scraped his neck with one of his hands, smiling nervously at the boy. “Its fine, i…I didn’t think you did. I mean, I d-do have pretty broad shoulders.” Jongho immediately regretted opening his mouth. That were informations nobody needed to hear, especially not Yeosang. Jongho wanted to punch himself. But Yeosang gave his mug a cute smile, then looking at Jongho for one, two, three seconds before looking back at his mug. “You are right. You must work out a lot.” His voice was quiet but Jongho understood him perfectly over the working coffee machine. A deep blush crept up his neck, ending in his cheeks. “Eh- yea, I do…”

Before he could embarrass himself any more Yunho coughed loudly, making the two boys look at him. “Your coffee is done, Jongho-sshi.” He held it out to him, Jongho gladly taking it, bowing slightly. "I-I will go then. It was n-nice meeting you two.” He bowed to both Yeosang and Yunho, the latter smiling and waving. “Yes, come here more often, you are cute! Have a nice lecture, or at least an acceptable.” Jongho nodded again, he didn’t think his blush could get any redder though. “Bye, maybe we will see each other again soon.” Yeosang said just as quietly as before, giving him a small smile. He looked so shy, way different with how he was a few days ago when Jongho saw him in the play or backstage. “Y-yes, see you guys.” He turned around and almost tripped over his own feet with how fast he went outside. When he was sure they could neither hear nor see him Jongho took a deep breath and punched himself in the head (not hard, but hard enough). “You are an absolute idiot, Park Jongho, an idiot!” 

~°~

_Bang!_

Yeosangs head fell hard on the counter, scaring Yunho deeply, the latter almost letting go of the tea cup he had in his hands in that moment. He put down the cup, dramatically grabbing at his chest. “Oh my god, don’t scare me like this! What is your problem, dude??” Yeosang couldn’t believe his friend. He had just ruined his life and asked _him_ what his problem was?  
The smaller boy gave his friend a death glare before sighing. “You happened! How could you tell Jongho that I had talked about him with Mingi??” He let his head fall onto his folded arms on the table, groaning.   
He had been thinking about the younger boy – Wooyoung had told him that Jongho was younger than them – since the situation in his backstage room. He had looked so lost and Yeosang felt like he had made him uncomfortable. That was the last thing he wanted to do.   
“I mean I didn’t tell him that you talked about him but Mingi, who was at the play as well. That’s all your own fault. And he does look broad, have you seen his shoulders? They are wider than mine! I’m jealous!” “Of course I have seen his shoulder! I indeed saw them.”  
But Jonghos shoulders wasn’t the first thing he noticed. Not his good build or fluffy hair. The first thing he noticed wasn’t even something in the backstage room. The first thing Yeosang had noticed about the boy was how mesmerized he had looked at him on stage. He had looked at him as if Yeosang was his most precious belonging and they didn’t even knew each other back then. And then in the backstage area he hadn’t missed the way the boy had avoided his eyes, just as a few minutes ago. There weren’t a lot of people Yeosang considered cute – Mingi was one of the few people he openly called cute – but the way Jongho acted, how he tried to make himself small in that well-build body and how he wanted to be nice and not offend anybody. Yeosang thought he was really cute.

Yunho threw him out of his head with loud laughter, making Yeosang flinch. “You like this boy, don’t you? Our Yeosangie finally likes someome!”   
“I don’t like him!”, he protested, pushing his bottom lip over his upper lip in a pout, “And even if I would, he is probably straight.”   
Yunho shrugged. “I doubt that, he seemed really flustered just now just by looking at you.”   
Yeosang scoffed, playing with the handle of his coffee mug. “Everyone gets flustered when they look at me. And if you think he is gay he is probably very much _just_ interested in my body. Its always the same. You know that.” 

Yeosang sighed. People being interested just in his body and how he looked was nothing unusual. Yeosang knew that he was pretty, beautiful even and that really played into his cards when he was on stage, knowing all eyes would be focused on him. But in the real world it was a burden for him.   
Yeosang was asexual. He had no interest with getting sexually intimate with someone. He had never. Yes he had sex before but every time after it was done he had felt horrible. It wasn’t something he wanted to feel again. And for him, being gay, being seen as beautiful and being asexual was tough. Most guys that asked him out ran as soon as he told them that he was not interested in sleeping with them, some being nice about it, some not so much. He was already used to getting insulted about it. Yeosang had already cried on Sans shoulder a few times when there were especially rude men trying to force themselves into a sexual relationship with him.  
Sex scared him. And he was scared that when he fell in love that he would get his heart broken. Again.

Yeosang jumped when he felt someone hug him from behind but relaxed when he saw that it was Yunho who lied his head on his shoulder, rubbing circles on his shoulders. He leaned his head against his friends hair, closing his eyes, sighing.   
“Jongho doesn’t seem like the type to just go for someones body. You and I don’t know the kid but he seems alright. Maybe he can patch together your little heart after what that asshole did.”  
Yeosang sighed again. “Maybe he can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brothers reunited! And more Information about Yeosang, we love lmao  
> See you next chapter!


	5. About little flowers and first dates

Jongho and Wooyoung were at their favourite spot on campus – a small garden like place with a bench behind the gym hall -, the latter currently laughing at his best friend.  
“I cant believe you ran out of the café.” Wooyoung was almost screamed while laughing all while Jongho had hid his face in his hands. He had told Wooyoung with the slightest hope of understanding. He should have known that the boy would love at him. Maybe he should have talked with Seonghwa instead.  
“Please shut up, I humiliated myself enough already”, the younger whined but the older didn’t stop. Wooyoung giggled, lying an arm around Jonghos shoulders. “I’m sorry but you really ARE an idiot. Why cant you just normally talk with Yeosang? He is just a human too, you know?" Jongho gazed at Wooyoung through his fingers, still leaning against his hands. “Wooyoung, I cant stop _thinking_ about Yeosang since last Friday, how am I supposed to act normal when he suddenly sits in front of me??” Jongho threw his head back, groaning. Wooyoungs arm fell of his shoulders. “Oh my god, he must think I’m some kind of weirdo. I don’t want him to think I’m a weirdo!!” 

Well, maybe Jongho was a weirdo. He hadn’t succeeded to get the blonde boy out of his head, the blondes face hunting him in his dreams. His voice in his mind all day long. He hadn’t heard someone sing like this in a long time, he had fallen in love at the first note Yeosang had sang. How was he supposed to get him out of his mind like this? And now he had made himself a fool in front of him and his friend. He didn’t know how to handle this, his anxiety following since the moment he had left the café the day before. 

Wooyoung sighed, leaning back as well, his head hanging off the back of the bench, looking at the clear blue sky. It wasn’t exactly warm outside, since it was winter (even though it was a surprisingly warm winter) but they often sat here to not get disturb by anyone. Here they could talk about anything they wanted. Only a few people knew about this place. The older boy crossed his arms in front of his in a hoodie and coat covered chest. “You, my friend, will only be the weird one if all your interactions with him will end like this”, he looked over, one of his hands lying ifself on Jonghos thigh. “You need to stop overthinking and start acting. Yeosang may look like someone who is hard to approach…and he may actually is hard to approach but you mastered a lot of harder situations than a little heart break if he actually rejects you.” Jongho sat up, looking down on his best friends face. Wooyoung was smiling at the sky. Jongho looked up. 

“I doubt he would reject you, though, he isn’t blind, Jongho. I think you are blind yourself for not seeing how amazing you are through all those barricades you have built around yourself, little flower.”   
Jongho smiled. _Little Flower_. He couldn’t remember the exact time Wooyoung had started giving him this nickname. He hadn’t used it often. It only was for special occasions. Occasions on which Wooyoung wanted him to know that he loved him no matter what. Jongho appreciated him a lot. In the moments he needed Wooyoung, Wooyoung was there for him. Wooyoung would fight for him any day or night and he appreciated that a lot. He would do the same for him.

They looked at each other. Jonghos smile widened. “Thank you, really.” Wooyoung grinned, throwing his none-existent long hair behind his shoulder, giggling. “I know, I’m awesome”, before his grin turned into a shy smile and he scraped at his neck. Jongho pulled up one of his eyesbrows.   
“I wanted to tell you something too.” Jongho turned his whole body towards Wooyoung, looking at him with a confused expression. Wooyoung nervously played with a string that hung from his black coat. Jongho grew more suspicious the longer Wooyoung didn’t say anything.   
“You didn’t destroy any of my belongings, did you?” He crunched his eyebrows together. It wouldn’t have been the first time Wooyoung did that. Jongho had to get several new pairs of work out pants because Wooyoung thought it would be a good idea to use them for his liking. Same for some of his dress shirts. But the older was fast to wave his hands in denial. “Nono, it has nothing to do with you. It was to do with…Yeosangs cousin.”   
Oh!   
Jongho widened his eyes. “Wait! Wait a _second_!” He sprang up from the bench, his gaze still on Wooyoung, Jonghos lips curling into a smirk. “I knew you were acting weird! Tell me everything!!”   
Over the last days Jongho had seen Wooyoung a lot more on his phone than normally. He had asked him before what he was doing on his phone but the older had blocked him by saying he was talking to Hongjoong about some painting he did. When he had asked Hongjoong how far he was with his painting he had just looked at him irritated. _I haven’t even started yet_. Wooyoung had also disappeared mysteriously on Sunday, telling him he would go work out. In a button up, full make up and just a little handbag over his arm. Jongho wasn’t stupid.

Wooyoung looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry!! I don’t know how it happened! I had gone eat dinner and for some drinks with Yeosang, Mingi and San Friday night and when I wanted to go San had offered to accompany me home and asked me out for Sunday and gave me his number and it just…happened!” Wooyoungs cheek had turned dark red, looking down on his fidgeting hands. Jongho gave him a serious look.   
“Please tell me you didn’t do something stupid. You barely know that guy!”   
Wooyoungs eyes grew big. He jumped up from the bench, his expression wild. “I DIDN’T SLEEP WITH HIM OMG WE JUST HAD DINNER!!!” He dramtically grabbed his hoodie as if his heart suddenly started hurting. “Oh my god, Jongho, I thought you knew me. My own best friend thinking so purely of me.” Jongho exhaled. He was 90% sure that his best friend wouldn’t just go around sleeping with a guy he barely knew – he was a flirt, but not easy to get. Jongho knew that and it was the only reason Jongho could sleep easy at night – but you could never know what a drunken Wooyoung would do, especially with someone as hot as San.  
Jongho took a few steps until he was standing in front of Wooyoung, wrapping his arms around his best friends slim form. His head lied on top of Wooyoungs shoulder.   
“I know that you wouldn’t just sleep with him like this, I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” Jongho turned his head, the boys half way looking at each other. He could see Wooyoung smile and felt him patting his head. Jongho continued: “I’m just always worried about you, you know? I don’t want you to get hurt and I don’t know this San guy. I know none of them! I will break his neck if he hurts you!” Wooyoung laughed loudly, it was one of Jonghos favourite sounds. “I know, baby, I know.” 

They separated, Jonghos arms still around the smallers waist before he took one of Wooyoungs hands, smiling at him. “Lets go back and you tell me everything about that San guy, ok?” Wooyoung nodded his head vigorously, smiling cutely at the younger before they made their way – hand in hand – to their shared apartment.

~°~

“So, tell me about your new boyfriend.”   
Wooyoung and Jongho were back in their flat, sitting on Jonghos bed - their go-to place in their apartment, Jongho didn’t know why but it was a thing – with each hot chocolate in their hands. They sat with their backs against the wall, Wooyoungs head lied on the youngers shoulder. He blushed.  
“He is not my boyfriend! We literally met once.” Jongho chuckled. “Can you still tell me something about him?”  
Wooyoung took a sip of his drink. “Well, San is the nicest person on this whole planet. He looks really intimidating but he really isn’t”, the older giggled cutely before continuing, “We went to the zoo on the other end of town because I told him that I like penguins. Jongho he picked me up and went to the zoo with me because I told him I like _Penguins_! He is the cutest and he looked so good.”   
Jongho smiled at his best friend. He hadn’t seen him talk about a person like this in a long time. Wooyoung may not seemed like it but he was a romantic and not a lot of people were actually interested in Wooyoung more than for a quick make out session. Him being the flirty human being he was seen as someone who would actually want a serious relationship. Jongho really hoped for Wooyoung (and San) that San wasn’t playing with him.

“That sounds great. Any other information about him?” Wooyoung looked up at the ceiling, scratching his chin, in thoughts. “Hm, he is dancer as you may already noticed, he teaches contemporary to kids and he is in the same year as I am as a performance arts major, as you may also already noticed. Yeosang and him seem to be really close.” The older pushed himself off the wall to face Jongho, a smirk on his lips. Jongho gave him a confused glance. “He told me Yeosang had talked about you.” 

Jongho almost let go off his mug, eyes widening. “H-he has talked about me??” Jongho couldn’t believe his ears. Yes, he had expected that _someone_ had talked about him to Yunho, maybe Mingi since he was there with them as well. How should have the barista had known about him otherwise but that Yeosang himself had talked about him? Jongho didn’t even think that he had actually noticed him the day of the play nor that he would have thought about him to the point that he _talked_ about him.

Wooyoung giggled, throwing himself down on Jonghos pillows, almost disappearing in the big cushions. “Yes, he did. San said that Yeosang thought you’re cute. And he talked with Mingi about your shoulders.” Jongho felt how his chest got hot. He cleared his throat. “Y-yea…I already caught that much.” His voice was not more than a murmur but Wooyoung heard him anyways, giving him a challenging glare. “What exactly did you guys talk about at the café? Did he say something about your body?? Wow I wouldn’t have thought him to be so straightforward.”   
The younger shook his head, letting it fall back against the wall. The mug tightly clutched between his hands. “No, he didn’t. I mean- he did but just after Yunho recognized me as the ‘broad one’.” The hotness in his chest wandered and he could tell without looking that he must be bright red at this point. Wooyoung, at this point, was laughing hysterically.   
“I cant believe that his friend actually said that. But who can blame him, you are fucking big”, the older winked at him, smirking, “In all the best ways.” Jongho was this close to throwing his mug at the boy, deciding to take one of the smaller pillows, punching him with it. “You are disgusting, Woo, truly disgusting!” 

The boy, who was being suffocated with the pillow, couldn’t stop his laughter. He tried to shield himself with his hands but to no avail. His mug was luckily already on Jonghos night stand. Jongho would have made Wooyoung change his sheets.   
“Jjong, stop, please”, Wooyoung pressed out between giggles, “I surrender but you are good looking, I cant blame Yeosangie!!”   
With one last throw to Wooyoungs head Jongho scoffed and placed his mug next to Wooyoungs on the small table before he let himself fall right on top of his best friend. Wooyoung groaned, trying to push Jongho off him but the boy was too heavy. “Jongho I cant change reality!! Please, have mercy with me!”   
Jonghos lips curled into a grin. He pushed himself up on his elbows, hearing the older exhale relieved. He looked up at him with a pout on his lips. Rolling to the side until he lied on his back, Jongho sighed. 

“Yeosang confuses me.” He could hear Wooyoung snort next to him.   
“You probably confuse him too but if you two really want to, you will figure it out. On your own and together. You are both adults, you should be able to know what you want. Besides”, Jongho turned his head to the side, looking directly into Wooyoungs eyes, “If you truly like him you have to come out to him. He still doesn’t know, you know?” Jongho swallowed. He did know that. That was another reason why he was scared.   
Wooyoung could practically feel his distress, placing a hand on his cheek, wandering up to push a strand of hair behind his ear. “Believe me when I say that Yeosang will be the last person to judge you for who you are.” Jonghos eyes had closed automatically, leaning against Wooyoungs hand.   
“I know. I mean, I guess I know. But it’s scary.”   
“It was for all of us. But you are strong, little flower. You can do anything and if you truly like Yeosang he deserves to know. Not right away but before things actually get serious.”   
“I know. I will try my best.”   
Wooyoung smiled. “I know, you always do.” 

The two had spent their evening with watching some crime series on Wooyoungs laptop, ordering food and arguing about what pizza topping was the best. They hadn’t come to an agreement.   
When Jongho thought about it: Wooyoung and him were quiet different in general. But they hadn’t separated since elementary school. Jongho always dealing with Wooyoungs dramatic fits and him stomping away from him more than he could count. But Wooyoung had always come back, they never were able to be mad at each other for too long, too attached to one another.   
In middle school it had been them against everyone when Wooyoung decided it was time to stop hiding himself. He always was the braver one of them too. And even though the aftermath wasn’t as nice as they had wished it was never a problem for them since they had each other – it hadn’t helped with Jonghos fear to come out though.  
When Seonghwa brought Hongjoong into their lives Jongho worried at first. Wooyoung and Hongjoong had a lot more in common than he himself with the older boys. He was scared of losing Wooyoung. But he had quickly reassured him that that was not possible. He was stuck with him forever. Jongho was more than happy about that – and he had learned to love Hongjoong just as much no matter how he had felt in the beginning. And when Hongjoong and his brother had started to mingle around each other, being inseparable and sometimes grossly sweet he knew, Seonghwa had the small boy all for himself anyways.

When they had woken up the next morning, entangled with each other, Wooyoung snoring loudly on his neck, Jongho couldn’t surpress the small affectionate smile that curled on his lips.   
Jongho rolled on his back, trying not to wake up the sleeping boy. With the hand that wasn’t squeezed under Wooyoungs head he tried to find his phone on his night stand, grabbing it and squinting when he bright light of it fell on his face when he opened it. He groaned quietly when he saw that it wasn’t even 7AM. They didn’t have lectures before ten.   
Jongho scrolled through his messages, some in their judo group chat, some from a seminar group chat. He stopped when he saw three messages from Hongjoong. He had send them pretty late, his phone showing him that they had arrived way past midnight.

_Baby can you come to Cheerleading practice today?_   
_Seonghwa cant be there and we try new throws and im scared :(_   
_Pleeease come with meeee_

Jongho giggled. The older was always nervous when they had to practice new stunts for a routine. Since he was one of the smallest (besides the girls) he was often the one that got thrown in the air and as much as he loved Cheerleading, trying something new always scared him. The younger tipped an answer to his hyung ( _of course, I will come right after practice_ ) before he placed his phone back on his night stand. The Cheerleading practice took place in the same hall in that the gym was in so he would be around anyways. Wooyoung still had to finish a dress he was working on so it would just him. He would also meet Mingi again. Jongho just hoped he wouldn’t say anything weird in front of Yeosangs friends. He didn’t want to embarrass him any more than he already did in front of his friends. But he would just be there to give Hongjoong some moral support. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a rather short but cute chapter   
> and we get to know a bit more about Wooyoung!!   
> hope you liked it!


	6. About skirts and phone numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride month, yall!!

The air was hot, the room was filled with low grunts. The clicking of metal was heard from outside but Jongho was the only one in the gym at this point. He was working out for an hour already. He loved to push himself over his own limits. That didn’t always was a good idea but he always felt good afterwards. It made him feel good to know that he was good in something.   
Jongho let go of the machine he was working out on, stood up and went to get his water bottle. While was chucking down the water he searched for his phone in his bag, pulling it out and opening it. He almost spit out the rest water that was still in his mouth when he saw the time. _4:43PM_. He was supposed to meet Hongjoong in two minutes in front of the gym hall. He pulled out a towel, dabbing at his neck and face before he looked down on himself. He was sweaty all over and even after changing he would still _smell badly_. Damn his pheromones and his nature of sweating a lot. 

He quickly went into the changing room, getting rid of his workout clothes and threw over his hoodie and jogging pants he had worn on the way to the gym. Maybe he should have worn something more presentable but he had no time to go back and change before meeting the older. Jongho tried to neutralize his smell as best as he could with deodorant before he took all his stuff and stormed out of the gym to the hall entrance. He already saw Hongjoong through the glass door of the main entrance. 

He stopped in front of it, knocking on the glass. Hongjoong flinched before turning around, smiling at the younger. Jongho held open the door for his hyung, who went in to hug the younger but Jongho stopped him.   
“I literally finished working out two minutes ago, I swear, you don’t wanna hug me.” The older giggled cutely and leaned in to sniff Jongho. The younger couldn’t help but roll his eyes when Hongjoong scrunched his nose at the smell. “I told you its bad.”

“Well at least you know you worked hard when you smell like this.” He patted the youngers shoulder before he went into the changing room. “You can wait for me in the hall”, the older looked over his shoulder and smiled before he turned around and disappeared behind the wooden door. Jongho smiled as well, even though the older couldn’t see it anymore, and went inside the hall. Luckily, Hongjoong always was the first to appear so he was still alone in the gym hall. He placed his bag down on one of the benches before he let himself fall next to it, leaning against the wall behind him. He took his water bottle out again, finishing it. Maybe he did do a bit too much this time. After there was no water left he pushed the bottle back into his bag, closing his eyes. Cheerleading practice was around two hours, he had to bite through it. For Hongjoong.

“Aw, pumpkin, are you tired?” Jonghos lips curled into a smirk before he opened his eyes, looking up to Hongjoong who was now next to him, placing his bag next to Jonghos. He stood with his arms folded behind his back, probably already starting to stretch. He was wearing almost no makeup. Jongho assumed that he only wore some concealer and mascara, as he always did at practice. Hongjoong couldn’t leave the flat with no makeup at all. But there was something different on Hongjoong. Normally the boys in Cheerleading would wear pants, he saw Hongjoongs uniform before. But he was standing in front of him in a skirt. The skirt was as red as his hair, fitting to the red and white top, and went shortly over his knees. Jonghos eyes widened. 

“Hyung, since when do _you_ wear skirts for practice?” Hongjoong, who had his upper body twisted backwards to stretch, turned back to face Jongho, looking down on himself before smiling at the younger again. “Do you like it? I wanted to try it for so long but I never came around to actually do it. And the skirts have safety pants sewed in them so it was not hard to tuck everything where it could stay.” Jongho blushed as Hongjoong talked about tucking his…lower area but quickly shook his head to get out of his trance. “It looks nice, hyung. It fits you a lot. You wanna wear the skirt at the competition as well?” The smaller sat next to Jongho and leaned his arms on his shoulder, lying his head atop of them. “Hm, I have to see how it will go at practice and will decide later. But I’m happy you like it.” Jongho looked at the older when he didn’t continue saying something, seeing him blush. Jongho raised an eyebrow. “Whats up?”   
“Y-you think…Seonghwa would think I’m pretty too? With the skirt?” 

Jongho almost fell off the bench, stammering while looking anywhere but at Hongjoong. “W-well I think, I mean, I’m sure Seonghwa will find you pretty in whatever you wear.” Hongjoong pouted, his arms had fallen of the youngers shoulder but his head was still located there. “Don’t you think he will find it weird? Because, I mean, I’m still a boy.” His voice was small. Jongho had to supress a coo. There weren’t a lot of occasions when Hongjoong was shy or insecure. He was very confident in himself but every time they talked about Seonghwa he got suddenly insecure. Jongho patted his red hair. “Did he find it weird when you started wearing excentric makeup?” Hongjoong shook his head, pout still on his lips. Jongho smiled. “Did he find it weird when you decided to wear a bralett under a sheer top because you liked the lace on it? Who bought that again?” Hongjoongs lower lip pushed even further over his upper one. “…Seonghwa.”  
“See? He would never judge you for something like a skirt.” Jongho leaned his head against the smallers. “And just between us too, I know for a fact that he likes skirts a lot. But you don’t have that from me.”   
They both started to giggle and Hongjoong wrapped his arms around Jonghos mid rift. He playfully leaned his head back when it came in contact with the youngers neck. “Ugh you still stink and you are still wet.” Jongho just scoffed and pinched the other boys thigh. “I warned you, its not my fault I’m irresistible.” It was on Hongjoong now to scoff but it made both of them laugh again.

Jongho had pinched the smaller a second time when they heard the door open, someone entering the hall. “HONGJOONG HYUNG!!” Both boys jumped at the loud voice, Hongjoong jumping off the bench and grinning brightly at the person that just entered. Jongho turned to face the door as well, recognizing Mingi (now also in his uniform but with pants on) and…  
“OMG HYUNGIE! YOU FINALLY WEAR THAT SKIRT!! OMG YEOSANG DOESN’T HE LOOK ADORABLE??”  
Jongho almost fainted. Why, out of all places and times, did he have to meet Yeosang again here? After working out and no shower. Oh god, he smelled horrible. He couldn’t get the boy near him.   
Meanwhile, Hongjoong had made his way over to the two boys, first hugging Mingi and then Yeosang. He smiled at the two newcomers. “Do you like it? I really like the skirt more than these pants.” Yeosang smiled back at him whilst Mingi wrapped his arms around the oldest excitedly. “You look really beautiful, Hongjoong hyung.” Mingi giggled and added: “You are always beautiful!”, what made Hongjoong blush. 

_Hongjoong hyung._ That means Yeosang was younger than Hongjoong. He still must be older than Jongho since he was a year above him. He didn’t seem younger as him too. _Should I start calling Yeosang ‘hyung’?_  
“Oh, Jongho! You are here too!” Jongho jumped out of his thoughts, looking up and almost yelped when he saw the three approaching him. Mingi had a big grin on his face, waving at him. Yeosang smiled too but Jongho believed that there was a small red tinge on the boys cheeks. 

Jongho stood up from the bench, more unconsciously than anything else. Mingi came up to him and give him a big hug but Jongho tried to push him away, already feeling guilty when he saw the sad look on Mingis face. “I-I’m sorry b-but I just worked out a-and I wasn’t able to shower b-before meeting Hongjoong. I m-must smell really bad.” He scraped his neck, looking apologetically up to Mingi whose expression lighted up after Jonghos explanation.   
Mingi waved him off. “Oh its fine, Yunho never showers after dance practice before coming home so I’m used to it.” But the taller boy stepped back anyways, respecting Jonghos privacy. Jongho felt the flush creep up his neck. He tried to smile at Mingi but it felt fake before he turned to Yeosang. The boy had an indescribable expression on his face. Jongho didn’t know what to think.

They hadn’t realised the rest of the team entering the gym hall and right as Hongjoong wanted to break the silence between the four their trainer screamed for everyone to gather around. Hongjoong smiled at Jongho. “We gotta go, you two can just sit here and wait till we are done.” Jonghos eyes widened. Yeosang was _staying?_ Jongho tried to make clear to his hyung that this wasn’t a good idea but Yeosang had already nodded and sat down and Hongjoong patted his shoulder before he and Mingi ran off. Jongho swallowed. This wasn’t good. That wasn’t good at all. He hadn’t imagined his first time (more or less) alone with Yeosang to be in a gym hall with him smelling like a whole mens locker room. 

Jongho slowly sat down as well. He concentrated himself on Hongjoong who was now stretching properly with Mingi. He had always been envious of the smallers flexibility. Well, not really, but it was a good way to not think about the cute boy next to him. But it was impressive anyways.  
He could feel Yeosang glance at him but he didn’t dare to look at the boy. He was too scared that he would say something stupid or couldn’t stop staring once he did. If he had known that Yeosang would be here as well he wouldn’t have worked out till last minute. He would have set himself a timer or something.

“I don’t think you smell bad.” 

Jongho choked on his own saliva, coughing a few times. He whipped his head around to look at Yeosang, feeling his neck crack but he didn’t care about that. Did Yeosang really just said that he _didn’t smell bad??_  
“What did you say?” Jongho tried to keep his voice as steady as possible but he wasn’t so sure about his success. Yeosang was looking at his hands, his back leaned against the wall. He looked flustered.   
“You said you smelled because you couldn’t shower. I don’t think you smell bad.” Yeosang smiled, still not looking at Jongho. “It just shows that you work a lot.”   
Jongho couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know if he should be embarrassed or flattered. He said the first thing that came into his mind:  
“That’s what Hongjoong hyung said as well.”

The chuckle that left Yeosangs mouth was just as beautiful as his singing voice. The older boy looked up, the shy smile still on his lips. “Hongjoong hyung is a smart man.” But his smile faltered when he saw Jonghos confused expression. Yeosang blushed. “I-I’m sorry when I was too forward.”  
Jonghos head was spinning. He sat in the College gym hall with the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. He was sweaty and exhausted and probably looked like a wreck and all Yeosang had said to him so far was that he didn’t smell weird and that he was sorry for saying exactly that. If it was possible Jongho would love to just be swallowed whole by mother earth right now because everything that came into his mind what he could say didn’t even make sense for himself and he was more than overwhelmed. He swallowed, nervously grabbing at the edge of the bench. 

Jongho opened his mouth to at least say something but in that moment he felt something on his shoulder, Yeosangs hand, which was gone as quickly as it came. Jongho looked at him anyways. The other boy looked stressed as well.   
“I-I’m not really good with new people, you know? I’m sorry when I’m acting weird or something.” Yeosangs voice wasn’t more than a mumble. Jongho tried hard to not let the coo out that built in his throat.  
“Its fine”, he croaked out, his throat suddenly dry, the older was way too cute, “I’m not good at talking myself.” He tried to smile encouraging at Yeosang, he didn’t know if he exactly succeeded but at least the other boy looked less distressed. 

They fell into silence, none of them both knowing what to say. Jongho wanted to hit himself. Wooyoung had said that they both should figure out what they wont but Jongho wasn’t exactly sure how to do that when they couldn’t even talk normally to each other.   
Jongho had to do something. He had to say something. He had to be brave for once in his life. He breathed in and out, the song playing in the hall for the Cheerleaders completely tuned out. He opened his mouth and-

“I really liked the musical you played in.”  
“Did you like the play on Friday?”

They looked at each other for a hot second before both boys fell into a fit of giggles. Yeosang moved one hand up to his mouth, trying to cover his noises, his eyes squeezed close. Jongho decided right then and there that this was probably the cutest thing he saw since Wooyoung had walked around in a bear onesie.   
It took both some time to calm down. Jongho felt a lot more relaxed, leaning against the wall, sighing. He could practically feel his nerves calming down. Yeosang also seemed calmer, smiling brightly, looking up at the younger from his crouched position he had taken as he was laughing.  
“I’m glad you liked you”, Yeosang said, leaning back as well, looking over at Mingi and Hongjoong practicing, “Especially since it is your favourite musical.” Jongho grinned dumbly, his gaze wandering around before it landed on the beautiful boy next to him. “If I am really honest? I don’t remember most of the musical.” He saw how Yeosangs eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. He supressed the urge to pinch the others cheeks. In a weird rush of confidence Jongho blurted out: “I remember you, though. Very clearly.” 

That didn’t just make his chest feel hot but Yeosang blush as well. The blonde boy bit his lip, Jongho thought maybe to supress a smile? Jongho quickly added: “Your performance was really good s-so I cannot not remember you, you know?” He already felt the embarrassment quell up in his body and he was just about to apologize, not knowing if he was too direct, he couldn’t read the others impression. But right as he was about to say something Yeosang buried his face in his hands, his ears as red as a ripe strawberry. He mumbled something into his hands but Jongho couldn’t recognize what exactly he said.  
“Y-Yeosang?”   
The boy looked at him through his fingers, glaring at him but Jongho saw the small smile on his lips. “You are really something, Park Jongho. Also, its ‘hyung’ for you, brat!”   
Jonghos eyes widened comically. “Y-you know my full name, Yeosang…hyung?” Yeosang almost turned even redder when Jongho called him ‘hyung’ but that was his own fault. Jongho had to remember to call him ‘hyung’ more often.   
Yeosang finally took his hands of his face, looking at the younger in confusion. “Of course I know your full name. You are the Judo ace Park Jongho, all the girls are literally swooning over you. Literally all the girls in my department know you. Well, I mean, I knew you too but yeah.” The older scraped his neck, looking around nervously. Jongho stifled. Of course all the girls talked about him. They didn’t know that he would never be interested in them. Yeosang also didn’t know that. He didn’t know that the only person Jongho was interested in was, in fact, the blonde boy nervously looking around the gym hall. 

Jongho cleared his throat. “Heh, yea, that’s fair, I guess”, he mumbled. All the confidence he had before left his body suddenly reminded that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t flirt that publicly with Yeosang. There were a lot of other people in the gym hall with them, some of the girls already looking at them. He really wanted to leave, not wanting to face all that right now but he couldn’t. Hongjoong would be sad. And Yeosang didn’t even know what his problem was anyways, it would just have been weird if he left now.   
Yeosang didn’t seem to see a change in Jonghos behaviour, playfully hitting the younger on the shoulder. “Don’t get too flattered”, he laughed making Jongho snort. “Oh don’t worry, I wont be too flattered.” He didn’t know if he felt flattered at all.

~°~

After Yeosangs little remark Jongho felt like the Cheerleading practice couldn’t end fast enough. The polite boy he was he had continued talking with the older boy, talking about the musical and Judo. Yeosang seemed pretty interested in him and his hobbies but Jongho couldn’t concentrate on anything he said. His head was swimming with thoughts. At some point Hongjoong had come over with Mingi, taking a small break and drinking some water, Yeosang cheering them on, before they went again. Jongho didn’t even know what move the smaller boy was nervous about in the end. He should prepare himself for some beating from his hyung later on when he would ask him about it.   
And then, finally, Jongho heard the coach close off the practice. Jongho jumped to his feet, startling Yeosang who looked at him irritated. “You have somewhere to go?” Jongho looked down at Yeosang, trying to come up for an excuse. But he didn’t have to.  
“Jongho and I have to meet up with his brother, we still have some work to do.” Hongjoong came up to him from behind, slinging one arm around the younger waist, smiling at him brightly, “Am I right, Jjong?” Jongho, not even thinking anymore, nodded vigorously. “Y-yea, sorry for leaving so soon, Yeosang h-hyung.” Jongho looked at the floor. He couldn’t handle to look at the older boy one second longer, too afraid to see some kind of disappointment in his expression. Jongho just wanted to leave.  
“I will wait outside for you, I need some fresh air, Hongjoong hyung.” Before any of them could say something Jongho grabbed his bag and ran outside, ignoring the stares that fell onto him. 

He was just outside the door, leaning against the wall next to the main entrance. He seriously was an idiot. He wanted to take steps forward, not take five steps back with Yeosang. If Yeosang had just not made this comment. If he just…  
“Jongho!”   
Jongho visibly flinched, whipping his head around to see Yeosang in the doorway. Yeosang turned his head, looking at boy that leaned against the wall. He bit his lip, looking back inside before he turned completely, standing before Jongho. Jongho swallowed. His gaze wandered to the concrete under his feet. “Wh-what is it?” he pressed out, not daring to look at the older.   
He jumped lightly when he heard the older speak.   
“I’m sorry when I made you uncomfortable. I-I don’t exactly know what it was or what I did but I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or something”, he paused, thinking what to say. Jongho slightly looked up, seeing how the older boy nervously played with the hem of his shirt. He was biting his lip aggressively before he continued talking, “Maybe we j-just didn’t have a good start. Maybe we should just start over? I-I really wanna be friends with you, Jongho.” Jongho straightened, eyebrows crunched together at Yeosangs speech. He wanted to be friends with Jongho? After he had acted this weird more than once?  
It was Yeosangs turn to look at the floor, still playing with his shirt. “I-I really don’t want you to think of me badly or something and I really wanna get to know you.” Jongho kept silent, he didn’t know what to say. Yeosang took a deep breath before he fixed his gaze on Jonghos face. “Can you give me your phone number? I wanna meet up with you, t-to start over. Somewhere more private?” 

Jonghos eyes widened almost comically. Had he heard correctly? Had Yeosang asked for his number AND a date? Or at least a hang out? He must be crazy. Yes, that was the only logical explanation. Either him or Yeosang must be crazy.  
As in trance Jongho took the phone that Yeosang offered to him, typing in his number before lying it back into the olders hand. Yeosang shyly smiled at him, pushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “I will text you then.” Jongho could only nod before Yeosang disappeared back into the building. Jonghos jaw dropped, as did his body, now crouching on the concrete. He had just gave his crush his number to _start over_. He felt like crying. Was this all happening? Was he dreaming? The boy raised a hand, pinching his shoulder and flinched at the pain. He was neither sleeping nor dreaming. This was reality. 

Jongho hid his face in his hands. He couldn’t control the quiet scream that left his mouth.   
“We can go now”, said someone over him, startling Jongho who fell sideways onto his butt. He scrunched his nose, rubbing his lower back. He angrily glared at Hongjoong who was standing above him, smirking. “I hate you”, the younger mumbled, taking the hand the older held out for him. They made their way to Hongjoongs apartment. They didn’t exactly had any business to work on. He just wanted to be with the smaller boy and his brother right now. Maybe they could call Wooyoung as well and have a little movie night (when Seonghwa wasn’t too busy with studying).   
Hongjoong squeezed his hand – they were still holding hands, none of them caring if someone was them like this. Hongjoong hold hands with anyone, it was fine. – making Jongho look down to him. 

“You wanna tell me what just happened between you and Yeosangie?” Hongjoong looked at him as if he would understand exactly what was going on inside Jongho. Maybe he actually did. Jongho sighed. “Yeosang asked for my number. He wants to meet up with me.” The smaller boy gasped, stopping abruptly in his walk. The impact pulled Jongho back as well. He rose an eyebrow at the older boy. “He asked for your phone number?? And have you give it to him?” Jongho nodded. The smaller let go of his hand just to happily clap his hands together.   
“My baby is finally a man! He finally gets himself some boy!!” Jongho was fast to lie a hand above the olders mouth to shut him up, nervously looking around if people could have heard him. Luckily, they were alone. He sighed annoyed, letting go off Hongjoong before he continued walking, Hongjoong right after him. “Can you please shut up before someone hears you? I didn’t get anything. He told me how all the girls talk about me. I get absolutely nothing.” He pushed his hands into his trouser pockets, looking straight ahead. Hongjoong sighed as well. “That may be because you want everyone to believe that you are straight, dumbass.”   
“Yes, that’s exactly why.”   
“You know you can change that right?”  
Jongho opened the door to Hongjoongs and Seonghwas apartment building, entering the main hall. He sighed. “Lets not talk about this right now. I don’t wanna talk about it.” He went up the stairs and waited in front of the door to the apartment Hongjoong and Seonghwa shared, giving the older a daring glance. Hongjoong groaned and opened the door. They went inside. Seonghwa was still in his room apparently, his door was only closed when he was studying. Hongjoong went into the kitchen, throwing his bag on the table, Jongho placing his down there as well. “And what are you gonna do about Yeosang then? You know that you like him, you wanna push him away just because you are too scared of coming out?”   
Jongho let himself fall onto one of kitchen chairs, pushing his hair back. “I have no idea, I guess I’m just gonna meet him. I can at least try to be friends with him.” Hongjoong, who was occupied with making tea for both of them – and Seonghwa, Jongho assumed by the third mug he saw on the counter – glared at him over his shoulder, shaking his head.   
“You know you cant be friends with someone you have a crush on. But you will see that yourself.  
You are the right one to talk about crushes Jongho wanted to say but he was fast to just scoff. Hongjoong was right. You couldn’t be just friends with your crush. Hongjoong and Seonghwa weren’t ‘just friends’ anymore for a long time already. Maybe it was better for Jongho to just stay quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets be real, i love the 'Hongjoong-in-a-skirt'- concept a lot.
> 
> btw yall can follow me on my Instagram @kimchi.dnc , i post some things About the AU there (i feel Kind of unmotivated Right now but that will hopefully Change soon so i can finish the Story sksk)


	7. About cousins and sleepovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today is asexual pride and lets celebrate that with another chapter! Here you go, have fun reading

Yeosang had texted the younger the next morning. 

He would have texted him sooner but he was thinking back and forth what had happened at the gym hall. Jongho had been so nervous and insecure, almost as if he was scared of the older. Yeosang had found it somehow cute but he was also feeling bad for the younger.  
And he didn’t know what had come over him when he ran after the black haired boy and asked him for his number. He didn’t expect that Jongho would actually like him or would say yes to a proper date. He didn’t even know if the younger was gay or at least bisexual. The boy confused him. At some point he was pretty sure that Jongho had flirted with him. But then again he practically ran from him as soon as the Cheerleading practice was over. Yeosang still didn’t know what he had said that upset the younger but he really wanted to know more about him. Even if it was just a rejection. He needed clarification.

Jongho had texted him back five minutes after he had hit send. They didn’t really get over the barrier of small talk, asking what they would do for the day and similar stuff till Jongho told him that he had to go to practice. Yeosang had practice as well but he was still sad that he couldn’t talk with the boy longer. 

Yeosang sighed and stood up, wandering around his room to grab some clothes he could wear for vocal training before throwing everything on his chair again and opening his wardrobe. _What if I meet Jongho?_ He wanted that the younger thought that he is pretty and he would definitely not feel pretty in some pants and plain shirt.   
He pulled out some beige checkered pants and a light beige blouse what would match beautifully with his dark brown beret and the golden bracelets he wore. Yes, that was more fitting for being called pretty. Not that he thought he would actually meet Jongho. Well, at least he could dream.

When he was finished with changing and putting on light makeup – some foundation, some sparkly eyeshadow, some highlighter and some pink gloss for his lips was enough for now – he grabbed his notes and his bag, put on some black plateau boots and made his way over to the studio. He knew that San would be there as well, he had teaching before Yeosang and always waited for the boy afterwards. He would probably ask him out about everything. He had texted him the last night telling his cousin that he had met Jongho at Cheerleading practice. San, of course, was all over him over text but Yeosang had told him that he would tell him everything today after training. 

It was a nice day. There was no cloud in the sky. Yes it was still not as warm as Yeosang would want it (it was still January) but at least it was warm enough for him to wear his favourite jeans jacket. The blonde boy was humming away the song he had to practice for today, looking around at the naked trees, not noticing the small boy coming quickly his way.   
The next thing he knew was that he bumped into said boy and fell to the ground.

“Ouch.” Yeosang grumbled, rubbing his butt and angrily looking at the boy in front of him. “Cant you look where you are go- Hongjoong?”   
The small red head had fallen to the ground as well, one hand on his lower back, the other dusting off his pants, pouting at Yeosang.   
“Yah, that’s hyung for you, brat. And you were the one that was looking anywhere but the path!” Yeosang stood up and held out a hand for the older, helping him up and fixing the smallers hat. “I-I’m sorry, hyung, I didn’t know it was you.” He scratched his neck, laughing embarrassed. Hongjoong chuckled and took his bag off the concrete. “Its fine. You’re not hurt, aren’t you?” He took the youngers hands in his and mustered them, looking for any scratches or bruises. Yeosang shook his head, smiling. “No I’m fine. You also didn’t hurt yourself.” Hongjoong also shook his head before grinning up to the taller, waving cutely at him. “Ok, when everything is fine I will go, I have to meet with Wooyoung in the atelier to help him with something.” The older already took a few steps to continue on his way when Yeosang stopped him. 

“Hyung! I-Is Jongho alright? H-he seemed stressed yesterday.” Yeosangs voice wasn’t loud, kinda embarrassed to ask Jonghos friends about…Jongho but maybe Hongjoong could tell me why he acted so weirdly or if he did something wrong.   
The older looked him up and down, slight confusion in his expression, before he chuckled, looking Yeosang in the eyes.   
“Jongho is always stressed but don’t worry, you didn’t do anything, if you worried about that. Jongho is a bit…hard to handle sometimes. You just have to give him time, he will come around and soon you two can talk normally, I believe.” And with that he waved at him one last time before turning around and starting to walk again.

Yeosang didn’t exactly know what the older wanted to tell him with this but if he got something from the talk they had, it is that he shouldn’t give up easily on the younger. His lips curled in a smile. At least now he knew that he didn’t do something wrong and that Jongho not necessary felt that bad just because he did something. With a light skip in his steps he continued his way to the studio. He would definitely text Jongho again later in the day.

Yeosang saw, when he entered the small studio, that San didn’t finish his teaching yet so he decided to sit himself down on the small couch that was placed in one corner of the room, fishing out his phone. Unconsciously he looked at his chat with Jongho again. The boy had send the last message they had shared, a simple See ya! But it had made Yeosang smile anyways. _God, I’m way too whipped for this boy._  
“Ayyee, cousin, couldn’t even say hi??” Yeosang jumped, lying a hand over his chest. “Oh my god, Sannie, don’t scare me like this”, he rolled his eyes, “and besides that, you were still practicing, the teacher would have just yelled at me.” 

San let himself fall next to the blonde boy, throwing his arms around his cousin. He pouted at the blonde boy. “I missed you, I haven’t seen you all Sunday and Monday AND Tuesday.”   
Yeosang giggled and patted the youngers head, letting his fingers play with the little mullet San had grown out. “Well, Sunday was your fault for skipping brunch with Yunho, Mingi and I because you had to take your lover boy on a date.” He couldn’t help laughing loudly when the younger whined, hiding his face on his neck. “He isn’t my lover boy.” San mumbled. Yeosang could practically feel the heat radiating from Sans face. “Yet!”

Yeosang had known that San and Wooyoung liked each other the moment he had seen them together at dinner after the musical premier. They had been all over the other, laughing and gazing at each other. They were cute together from second one on. And Yeosang was happy for San. San needed a new relationship. Maybe Wooyoung could prevent him from exhaustion himself to the brim. And if San was happy Yeosang would be happy too.

“But you still need to tell me-“  
“Yeosang, come on, lets begin, have you brought your sheets?”

San let go of his cousin. He pouted when the older stood up from the couch. Yeosang smiled at him as he took his note sheets back into his hands. “I will tell you when I’m done, don’t worry”, before turning to their teacher, “Yea I got them here, lets go.” 

~°~

After Yeosang finished his practice they decided to go hang out in Yeosangs apartment. He lived alone on campus in the building behind the theatre hall. He had paid a lot but he liked living alone. And his parents were happy to support him in any way they were able just so their boy could become a famous musical actor. Yeosang was very thankful that his parents understood his dream, his mom being a retired model as well she never said anything against his major. Neither did his father.

Yeosang opened the door to his flat, letting him and San in. San sighed when he pulled off his shoes and let himself fall onto Yeosangs unfoldable couch. Yeosang started his coffee machine to make them both freshly brewed coffee. San would have to go in about two hours for dance practice.   
While the coffee machine brewed their drinks Yeosang let himself fall next to his cousin. San gave him an expecting glare. “You still have to tell me about your meeting with Jongho.”  
Yeosang sighed. He leaned against the back of the couch, closing his eyes.   
“I wasn’t that stressed in a long time. Jongho had been nervous as if I would hurt him any second. And then he practically ran away before I could ask for his number.” He could hear San gasp, ready to say something but Yeosang lied his index finger over his own lips, shushing the younger. “I’m not finished. I ran after him, gave him his number before I went back to Mingi. And this morning I ran into Hongjoong-hyung and he said that I wasn’t at fault for Jonghos distress, that he was always like this with new people but I feel like Jongho doesn’t like me.”   
Yeosang felt San throw his legs over the formers thighs, humming softly. “Hm, I don’t think that he doesn’t like you. I think Hongjoong-hyung would have told you to stay away from the boy if he did. He is way too protective of Jongho to just let you around him if Jongho wouldn’t want that.” Yeosang opened his eyes, looking at his cousin. San frowned. “But maybe he is just shy because he likes you.”  
“The girls told me that he is straight.”   
Sans frown deepened. “Have you flirted with him?” The question made Yeosang blush. “I have…kinda. I told him he smells good, well, kinda.”  
San looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “Who does that? But not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is when he got shy after you flirted with him I don’t think he is actually straight. And he wouldn’t have give you his number as well. Maybe he is bi. Who knows? But a straight guy would have just rejected you right away. He wouldn’t have answered your texts. You know?” Yeosang nodded before he looked irritated over to the black haired boy. 

“How do you know that he texted me back?”  
San pointed to the phone – Yeosangs phone which he had put there before he sat down next to San – on the little coffee table which was lighting up, showing one unread message. In light speed Yeosang grabbed his phone. _Jjong_ – he couldn’t forget the nickname Hongjoong had given Jongho – had send him a photo of the empty judo practice room, all matts neatly placed on one another in one corner of the room and a mop standing in the middle of the room inside a bucket. Attached to the picture was a message: 

_Done sweating, now I can sleep. Hope you had a good practice!_

Yeosangs whole face lit up at the message. His grin must be the brightest he had on his face in a long time. Jongho had thought about him after judo practiced and even took a picture for him. Yeosang was a bit sad that it wasn’t a selfie but he wasn’t sure if he would survive a selfie of a sweaty Jongho in his Judo suit. He had seen men in this uniforms before and most of them were almost always half undressed since they didn’t wear shirts under the uniform top. Yeosang wouldn’t have survived a half naked Jongho at all.   
He didn’t notice San over his shoulder, only noticing him when the younger started to giggle. “You’re drooling, what are you thinking about?”   
Yeosang almost let go of his phone, feeling at the corners of his mouth. San laughed. “I’m kidding, jeez, but seriously, was it Jongho?”  
Yeosang nodded, smiling down at his phone again. Then he realised: He still hadn’t responded to Jongho.

He tipped back on the chat, typing a short: _I had a great practice! I hope you too?_  
He lied his phone back on the table and threw himself on San, catching the younger off guard so that both of them fell back on the couch, San laughing, Yeosang whisper yelling into Sans chest making the latter laugh even more. San patted the blondes hair. “You still think he is straight?” Yeosangs whines got louder, hitting Sans shoulder. The younger couldn’t stop laughing anymore. “You are unbelievable, you know that?” The older nodded, earning him another pat, this time on his back.  
But San was right. Maybe Jongho wasn’t straight. Maybe Yeosang didn’t have to lose hope yet. He will just continue talking with the younger boy and hopefully Jongho will continue opening up to him and who knew? Maybe he actually had a chance at the handsome boy that held his heart. The thought of rejection falling further back in his head again. 

~°~

After San left for dance practice Yeosang had took a nap before he went back to his studies he still had to do until evening. He had a script to learn the first act for an off campus play his teacher had casted him for and he had to write a short assignment for his musical history class. Yeosang didn’t have a lot of theoretical classes to his relief. Most his exams were practical just like his classes.   
He still had a lot of time, his phone showing that it was shortly after 1PM. Yeosang decided that he could get coffee and maybe a sandwich at Yunhos mothers café before he started going over his script. He pulled on his boots and took his keys and wallet before he left his apartment to get his beverage.   
Luckily he didn’t live far from the café, a short two minutes walk before he opened the door to the small shop, Yunhos mother behind the counter looking up at the sound of the bell. “Yeosangie! Glad to see you today!” She came around the corner to give him a hug. Yeosang gave the woman a peck on the cheek before they let go of each other, Yerin going back behind the counter. “You want your usual?” She asked, already grabbing a tea cup.   
“No, I need a cappuccino to go and a ham sandwich, I still have to learn a script but I thought getting something from you for lunch.” He smiled at the middle aged woman, she returning it with a warmth in her expression that made Yeosang feel warm inside.

Yerin turned around to prepare Yeosangs sandwich and coffee, Yeosang already had sat down on one of the bar chairs when he heard the bell of the door. A boy in leather jacket, grey hoodie and black skinny jeans entered the café, a sports bag over his shoulder, bangs sticking to his temples with sweat. Yeosang couldn’t believe his eyes. Jongho had just entered the café. _Didn’t he say he would go to sleep??_ Why was he here? He also hadn’t answered the message Yeosang had sent him so he though the boy would be too knocked out after practice.  
The black haired boy looked up from the floor, his eyes widening when he saw Yeosang.   
“Yeosang-hyung!” Yeosang couldn’t help the blush that tinted his cheeks when he heard the word ‘hyung’ leave Jonghos mouth. The blonde boy felt his chest getting hot, mumbling: “Jongho, i-“ Jongho came over to him, smiling shyly. He sat down on one of the bar chairs next to Yeosang, putting his sports bag down next to him. Yeosang cleared his throat. “Didn’t you say you would go home after the training? What are you still doing here?” The older wanted to slap himself when he heard the words leave his mouth a bit too harsh, making Jongho blush as well. “Well, trainer asked me to stay a bit longer to practice for a competition, I didn’t look on my phone till now, I’m sorry, did you text me?” The younger started to search for his phone but Yeosang just waved it off, chuckling quietly. “No, I mean, yes, but its fine, don’t worry about it! How was training?” 

Jongho ruffled his black hair, the strands that stuck to his forehead falling back on his head. He leaned one arm on the counter, looking at Yeosang before narrowing his gaze again. “It was fine. Exhausting, but fine, I feel like I’m prepared for next Sunday.” Yeosang was about to ask further when he found his coffee and sandwich in front of him on the counter, Yerin grinning knowingly before she turned to Jongho, giving him a warm smile. “Good afternoon, sweetheart, what can I get for you?” The younger boy smiled just as heartly before answering. “An large Iced Americano, please.” He searched again for something, Yeosang believed for his wallet but Yerin stopped him, laughing loudly. “You can pay for your next coffee, friend of Yeosangie are my friends too”, she turned to the blonde boy again, “You don’t have to pay as well, see it as apology that we weren’t there last Friday.” And with that she turned around and worked on Jonghos coffee. The latter shook his head, smiling brightly. Yeosang wished he could see this smile all the time. 

“So, you got anything else to do today?” Yeosang got snapped out of his thought when he heard Jonghos voice. “What?” The younger giggled when he saw Yeosangs irritated expression. “I asked if you got anything else to do today?” Oh. Embarrassed, Yeosang scratched at the back of his head, taking a sip from his cappuccino. “Oh, eh, yea, I have to go over a script and write a short assignment but nothing much…you?” Jongho lied his head on the table, his eyes were already a bit droopy, obviously exhausted from practice. “I don’t have anything else to do today but I cant go sleep too because Woyoung and Hongjoong are working at something in our apartment and as soon as Hongjoong is somewhere, my brother follows so I probably just have to deal with them.” Jongho sighed, before sitting up straight again, giving the older a small smile. “But I don’t want to take any more time from your studies, you don’t have to stay here just because of me.” 

Yeosang didn’t know what demon possessed him but an idea popped up in his head. Before he could stop himself he blurted out right as Jongho wanted to grab his bag and coffee – that Yerin had just finished making -, ready to leave:   
“Why don’t you come over to my flat? I live alone, you can sleep in my room while I study.”   
Jongho almost dropped his bag, staring at Yeosang with his mouth half open. The older regretted his words as soon as they were out. He scrambled his phone, wallet and lunch in his hands before standing up, nervously swaying from one leg on the other. “I- you d-don’t have to, i-I understand if you don’t wanna, I w-will just go and-“ 

Jongho cleared his throat. “Hyung.”  
Oh it wasn’t fair of Jongho to be like this. He couldn’t just pull out the ‘hyung’-card. Yeosang was ready to get rejected, his head already hanging low in shame. “R-really, its fine, I-I will just…go-“   
“Well then, lets go.”   
Yeosang snapped his head up, his eyes on the youngers face. A smile played around Jonghos mouth. “What?”, he asked again, he felt embarrassment rise in his chest as he looked at the black haired boy with a probably pretty hilarious expression.   
Jongho giggled. “You said I could come with you, so lets go.” He said confidently, but scratched his chin and looked elsewhere, his previous confidence apparently leaving him. “As long as your offer still stands.”   
Yeosang smiled. “Yea, ok, lets go.” The boys took all their stuff before making their way out of the café, Yeosang waving Yunhos mother good-bye before exiting the shop with Jongho close behind him. The boys didn’t hear Yerin giggle and comment about todays youth.

The two boys walked the two minutes back to Yeosangs apartment in silence. Not that it was uncomfortable or something, it was just that none of them had known what to actually talk about. Its not like they knew a lot about each other yet. Not talking about the fact that Yeosang had to mentally prepare himself to let Jongho in his home. He didn’t know if it was a great idea or the worst idea he ever had. He believed that his apartment was at least tidy so that was at least something positive. And besides, they weren’t about to do anything. Not that Yeosang would want to but the younger would just take a nap on his bed while he wrote his assignment. Easy.   
Yeosang started to freak out. Jongho. On his bed. Yeosang hadn’t thought about any man in his bed any time soon – for any reason – but Jongho looked so tired and cute that Yeosang couldn’t help himself.

When he arrived inside Yeosangs apartment they both took of their shoes and went into Yeosangs bedroom. The younger sat himself down on the queen size bed that stood in one corner of the rather large room. He looked lost.   
Yeosang put his stuff on his desk, pulling off his jeans jacket before clearing his throat. “You can…take off your jacket if you want and just put it anywhere. Make yourself comfortable.” His voice was low but he saw Jongho nod out of the corner of his eyes so he knew the younger understood him. Yeosang sat down on his office chair, setting up his laptop on the desk before turning to the black haired boy. Jongho was still sitting on his bed, looking helpless. Yeosang had to supress a coo. 

“You can just sleep, I wont be loud, I see that you are tired. You can sleep on my bed, I don’t mind as long as you don’t mind to sleep in your current outfit because I don’t think any of my clothes will fit you.” Both of the boys blushed for a second time in this afternoon. Jongho scratched the back of his head with one of his hands before moving further onto the bed. “Yea, I don’t think any of your things will fit me. You are tiny.” Yeosang heard the younger giggle and threw a playful glare at him but Jongho had already made himself comfortable on the sheets, one arm behind his head, eyes closed. Yeosang smiled. He felt his heart skip a beat when the boy started breathing evenly, fast asleep already. The blonde leaned against the back of his office chair, watching the younger one sleep in peace. He looked so small and innocent like this. Yeosang cooed quietly before turning back to his laptop, forcing himself to not be creepy and not continue watching Jongho sleep. Maybe it was a good idea to invite the younger over at the end.


	8. About awkward situations and interrogations

Jongho woke up in a bed he couldn’t recognize. He snapped up into a seating position, ready to panic. His eyes scanned the room. There were musical posters on the walls and a clothing rag with more than a dozen costumes. His gazes wandered to the desk next to the bed. And that was when he remembered: He crashed at Yeosangs flat after practice. The latter snoring in his office chair. Jongho smiled, one hand ruffling his through sleep messed up hair. He swung his legs off the bed and stood up. He stretched his still sleepy body, arms and back cracking quietly. He stretched his back one more time before he quietly took a few steps until he stood in front of Yeosangs desk. The olders laptop was still opened but it seemed to be turned off. It must have turned itself off when Yeosang wasn’t working on it anymore after he fell asleep. Jonghos eyes wandered to the script that lied next to the blondes head. It was thicker than he had expected. He suddenly felt bad for taking the place on the bed so that Yeosang had to sleep on his desk. 

Jongho patted his pants pockets to search for his phone and looked back at the bed when he couldn’t find it. He found it on the nightstand, quickly grabbing it and checking the time. 6:45PM. He had slept for more than five hours. Jongho sighed when he read the messages from Wooyoung and Hongjoong asking him where he was. He quickly replied that he was at a friends, not saying that he was at Yeosangs. He wouldn’t have heard the end of it. 

The boy sighed again before turning back to Yeosang. _I should wake him up and move him to the bed before he hurts his back like this._ Taking a careful step forward he lied one of his hands on the older boys shoulder, shaking him lightly. He could feel how his heart started to beat faster but he decided to ignore it. _Come one, Jongho, its no big deal._

He shook the blonde boy one more time, this time with a bit more force in his movement but all he got was a small grunt from Yeosang. Yeosang wasn’t awake though. Jongho groaned quietly, rubbing his hands over his eyes. What should he do now? Should he really just carry the older to his bed? At least Yeosang wouldn’t have a sore back if he slept on the bed. And Jongho had the chance to hold him in his arms for a moment. Even though he was sleeping. It would probably be the only chance to hold the blonde boy. Jongho exhaled the air that he was unconsciously holding before he carefully turned the office chair. Yeosangs head fell forward but Jongho caught it gently, lying the boy on his shoulder. He put his hands under the boys thighs before he heaved him up and into his arms with a quiet grunt. Yeosang was even lighter than he thought. _Is he eating properly?_

Jongho made his way over to the bed, careful to not wake up the sleeping form in his arms. When he arrived, he lowered himself to sit Yeosang down on the sheets but before he could do so he heard the older mumbling something incomprehensible Jongho didn’t understand and felt the older grabbing at his shoulders. Jongho bit his lower lip, squeezing his eyes shut. _Pleasedontaskquestionspleasedontaskquestionspleasedontaskquestions._

“Jongho…?”, Yeosang mumbled, his voice laced with sleepiness. Jongho swallowed. “…yes?”  
Yeosang pushed the younger boy away a bit, looking into his eyes. Yeosangs eyes were still half closed. “Why…are you carrying me?” Jongho couldn’t identify if the boy was genuinely confused or still extremely tired. Probably both. Jongho could feel his heart skip a beat as the older boy blushed, his grip on Jonghos shoulder tightening.   
“You were sleeping on your desk and I thought you would be more comfortable on your bed but you didn’t wake up so…I carried you”, Jongho looked down past the boy who was still in his arms, “Do you want me to let you down?” Yeosang didn’t say anything but Jongho could see him nod through his eyelashes. 

Carefully he let the blonde boy down, hands falling on Yeosangs waist, Yeosangs hands wandering to his neck, probably to hold himself up more. Their chests touched and Jongho stopped breathing. They were so close. Jongho could feel Yeosangs breath on his chin. He looked down to the boy, meeting his eyes. Both of their ears and cheeks were painted in a dark red. He could feel Yeosangs heart beating. Jonghos head was empty and all he could think about was how Yeosang was even prettier up close. The center of his lips was tinted in a beautiful pink shade, the shimmer on his cheeks making him glow even more than he already was. His eyelids were painted in the same beautiful pink colour his lips had. He looked like a statue, too perfect to be real. 

But then Jongho snapped back into reality, letting his hands fall from Yeosangs waist and took a step back. As if Yeosang was a fire he wouldn’t have thought that could burn him. But it did. Yeosangs hands let go off his neck and for a brief moment the younger could see disappointment and hurt in the blondes eyes before Yeosang turned to his bed, laughing nervously. 

“Eh, yea, thank you for…carrying me, I guess. D-do you want a c-coffee or something? I-I’m not sleepy anymore.” Yeosang asked, giving him a look over his shoulder Jongho couldn’t identify. But he knew one thing and that was that he shouldn’t stay. It would only get weird between them now. He didn’t want it to be weird now that they made progress. And, besides that, he had to go scream into Wooyoungs pillow. It was necessary after whatever had just happened.   
Making that decision, Jongho cleared his throat and waved the boy off. “D-don’t worry, I think, I have to go now anyways. I think- Wooyoung is probably already waiting for me”, he said but quickly added to his answer after he saw the paint expression on Yeosangs face, “but I will text you later tonight ok? I’m sorry I have to go so suddenly. Th-thank you for letting me…sleep here.” 

Jongho took his sports bag of the floor next to the bed and when he looked back at his hyung Yeosangs expression had softened and he had an understanding smile on his lips. “Yea, I guess you should go.” He gestured Jongho to the door, following the boy close behind. As Jongho opened the door and turned one last time to Yeosang to wave him good-bye the blonde boy added:   
“I will be waiting for your text, Jongho.” And he smiled at him with so much warmth in his expression that Jongho couldn’t help but smile as well. “Yea, you better”, he said before he turned back around and started his walk out of the apartment complex and to his dorm. 

~°~

When Jongho opened the door to his and Wooyoungs flat he thought nobody was home. It was too quiet for Wooyoung or any other the other two to be here, the two art students being rather loud in general. He didn’t have a good feeling about this at all. He quietly took his shoes off and tried to be as quiet as possible as he walked to his room. Were they waiting for him?  
Jongho got a small heart attack when he opened the door and saw Wooyoung, Hongjoong and Seonghwa all in his room. Wooyoung sitting on his office chair, legs crossed, Hongjoong and Seonghwa on his bed.   
Grumbling, Jongho threw his bag in one corner of his room, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His lips formed into a pout. “What the fuck guys, what are you all doing in my room??”

“Where were you, Park Jongho.” Wooyoungs tone was serious, he sounded as if he wanted to interrogate Jongho. Jongho looked at his best friend, then at his brother and Hongjoong, raising an eyebrow. The two boys on the bed had the same stern expression on them as Wooyoung. Jongho was having none of that. “Are you serious? I texted Hongjoong that I’m at a friends place.” He sat down on the edge of his bed, giving Hongjoong an annoyed glare. The older just scoffed and leaned against Seonghwa (who was conveniently sitting half behind the smaller boy). “You don’t normally hang out with friends. What is the friends name?” The red haired boy gave Jongho a challenging look as if to tell him to say the truth. Jongho frowned. It was true, he didn’t normally hang out with anyone but his three best friends. He didn’t really had any friends in his major, just getting along with people he had to work with, and he never hung out with the judo people if it wasn’t for a competition or a celebration. 

“H-his name is Minjae. You don’t know him.” Jongho answered fastly but he couldn’t bring himself to look any of them in the eyes or they would have known that he lied that instant. He could hear Wooyoung laugh. “There is no Minjae in any of your activities. You are obviously lying.” 

_Of course I lied. There was never a Minjae because I was at Yeosangs dorm._ Jongho groaned. He fell back on his back, massaging his temples. He was getting a headache. The day had started so beautifully and he still had to text Yeosang. Why were his friends so exhausting?  
“Why do you guys wanna know anyways? I’m a grown man! You don’t have to babysit me!” He could hear Seonghwa laugh which ended with Jongho muttering a low: “Fuck you.” Not caring about the curse that the older boy sent back. Hongjoong leaned over Jongho, giving him a sweet smile, which Jongho knew wasn’t actually meant to be cute, and pinched his right cheek. “If you tell us where you were we don’t have to ask so long and you can live in peace again. Its just fishy, you know? You meet Yeosang and his friends and you and Yeosang started texting and _suddenly_ you are meeting up with a _friend_?” 

Jongho shot up in a sitting position, looking at Hongjoong with his jaw dropped, eyes widened. “Wait, how did you know that Yeosang and I were texting?” Wooyoung laughed again, rolling over with the office chair so he was nearer next to the others. “Well, I have a really good informant called Choi San who gives me all the juicy details.” Jongho rolled his eyes. Of course Yeosang would have told his cousin, they seemed to be inseparable. And now that Wooyoung was mingling with said cousin he wouldn’t be able to hide anything from them anyways.   
The youngest buried his face in his hands for a second before he came back up, his hair flying back and an annoyed growl leaving his throat. “Okay, okay, I was at Yeosangs! You are happy now? But it was by accident, I didn’t mean to meet him when I went to get coffee and he just randomly invited me over to…sleep at his place.”

“WHAT?” Jongho flinched at how loud his three friends were, all yelling the same question at once. Even Seonghwa who hadn’t said anything yet looked at him with a horrified expression. Jongho was quick to wave them off, his face scrunched in despair. “I meant actual sleeping, not what any of you perverts think! You know I wouldn’t do such a thing!!” The black haired boy pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. He was at least a bit hurt that his friends thought so little of him. Hongjoong sighed, wrapping his arms around Jonghos stomach and lied his head on his crossed arms. “I know, sweetpie, its just…odd to invite someone over to nap at their place. Why did he do that?” Jonghos pout deepened. Yes, at first he had found the idea weird too but in the end it hadn’t been too bad, relaxing. Jongho let his arms fall down, resulting with Hongjoong falling against his chest, the red haired boy giggling quietly. Jongho sighed. “I told him that you dumbasses were really loud and that I was exhausted from practice but that I probably wouldn’t get any sleep if I would have just went here”, Wooyoung scoffed at him again at his statement, Hongjoong slapping his left thigh in slight anger over the insult. Jongho continued, “And then he suggested that I could crash at his flat for a nap because he had no roommates anyways and he just wanted to write an assignment. It really was nothing special.” 

Wooyoung nodded, looking as if he didn’t really believe Jongho. He didn’t really care if his friends believed him or not, it was the truth and that was a fact. Why would he make up a story this absurd to his own brain? Hongjoong unwrapped himself again from the younger, leaning back against Seonghwa. “And that is everything? You literally stayed at Yeosangs flat to…sleep? And left right after?” The red haired boy had scrunched his eyebrows together. Jongho swallowed. He couldn’t possibly tell his friends the whole story. He couldn’t possibly tell them that he had carried Yeosang and that they had shared such an intimate moment the third time they met. Jongho had been surprised with himself when he decided to pick up Yeosang and carry him to his bed. He was normally really introverted with new people but Yeosang made him forget about his insecurities for short moments already more than anyone else ever had that he barely knew. He felt like the older boy must already be quiet suspicious of Jongho. He didn’t acted like the stereotypical straight boy. He just couldn’t keep his act straight when he was around the most beautiful boy he had ever met. 

His silence seemed to have made his best friends suspicious because Jongho got snapped out of his mind when he realised Wooyoung was giggling, leaning further into Jonghos personal space. “You didn’t just _slept_ there, right? Something else happened, am I right??”   
Fuck. All of the attention was back on Jongho and he couldn’t help the heat rising in his chest up to his ears. Wooyoung and Hongjoong were giggling like children, Seonghwa just gave him a knowing smirk. Jongho sighed for the umpteenth time this day. 

“You have to promise me that you don’t laugh at me or anything”, the youngest mumbled, his gaze wandering to his lap where he fiddled with his fingers. The next moment he already had Wooyoung on his one side and Hongjoong on the other, both had thrown an arm around him. “Don’t worry, we wont laugh at you”, Hongjoong said, giving Seonghwa and Wooyoung warning glares. Wooyoung giggled again. “Well, depends on how hideous the thing was that you did.”   
“Wooyoung!”, the red haired boy exclaimed, pointed his index finger at the other art student. Jongho groaned, ruffling his hair. His friends definitely were way too exhausting.

“Okay. I…may have found him sleeping on his desk when I woke up and I may…decided it would be a good idea to carry him to his bed and not wake him up. He may have woken up in my arms when I wanted to lie him down and we may have stared at each other for way too long.”

The room was silent for a moment. Until loud screams filled the room. Jongho and Seonghwa flinched, the older closing his ears with two fingers. Jongho gave the two smallest a judging glare. “What the fuck? Why do you both have to be so loud.”   
Hongjoong and Wooyoung had jumped at the bed, jumping excitedly up and down, grinning brightly.   
“Our baby makes progress! Oh my god I cant believe you actually _picked him up_ , you are so strong and manly!” Wooyoung swooned, sighing happily, Hongjoong just nodded in agreement. Jongho let himself fall back down, one arm covering his eyes. “First of all, shut up, Woo. Second of all, I still don’t get me anything because everytime Yeosang and I meet it gets awkward! One weird moment wont change that.” 

Jongho felt someone patting both is thighs, he believed it to be Hongjoong, his hands being even smaller than Wooyoungs. “You need to stop being so pessimistic!” That was definitely Wooyoung. “You just need to be the man you are and get that boy! He seems to like you too so whats the problem?”, his best friend said, Hongjoong humming in agreement. Jongho got more and more annoyed with his friends. Don’t get him wrong, he loved them and he knew they just wanted what was best for him but all this pressure made him nervous and he couldn’t deal with it. 

Someone cleared his throat. Seonghwa. Jongho turned his head, looking at his brother. The oldest shook his head and gave the two art students a disappointed gaze.   
“You know that this is really hard for Jongho, so stop pressuring him into things he is apparently not ready for yet. If he really likes Yeosang, he will come around and get his shit together but I don’t think you two are helping with your everlasting drill that he has to make the first move soon.”  
Jonghos jaw dropped. He had expected a lot but not for his brother to say something like this. He would normally tell Jongho to get his shit together, that he wasn’t a baby anymore, just like the others. But he seemed to really understand Jongho and he appreciated that a lot. 

Hongjoong and Wooyoung mumbled apologizes to Jongho, looking smaller than they already were after Seonghwas scolding. Jonghos lips curled into a smile, directed at his brother. “Thank you”, he whispered, just loud enough for his brother to hear. Seonghwa smiled too and playfully ruffled Jonghos hair. “Don’t worry, little brother, you got this.” 

After his speech, Seonghwa had urged Wooyoung and Hongjoong to leave Jonghos room, to give him some privacy. “We have to go anyways, Hongjoong, we wanted to make dinner, you remember?”, he had said to the red haired boy, gently taking his hand in his and guiding him to the door. Wooyoung had left too to his room after small protests. Jongho sighed and changed into something more comfortable – a simple white shirt and his grey sweatpants which he usually slept in. – before throwing himself back on his bed and taking his phone that he had placed on his night stand before changing. He hadn’t forgotten that he promised to text Yeosang.

J: I’m home! Well, I was already home almost an hour ago but my friends decided to be annoying

He closed the messenger app and went onto instagram. He wondered if the blonde boy had an instagram account. Curious, he tipped Yeosangs name into the searching section, grinning brightly when he found _yeo._99_ , the profile picture definitely was a selfie of Yeosang. He clicked on the profile and the first thing he saw were photos and videos from their last musical performance. He didn’t open the videos, the thumbnail already showing Yeosang in this devilish brown wig and black corset. He wasn’t ready to witness that again. 

Jongho mindlessly scrolled through Yeosangs page, seeing some pictures of him with his friends, pictures of other performances, even some vocal covers what it seemed like looking at their thumbnails showing Yeosang in front of a microphone. He also found some pictures of Yeosang with pastel pink hair and slight locks, making Jonghos heart beat at a dangerously fast pace.  
And then his handy vibrated in his hands, the screen showing he had a new message from Yeosang.

Y: hahah that’s good! Why are they annoying?

Jongho gulped. Should he tell him that he had lied about where he was? Would Yeosang be hurt or would he understand. He decided to go for it. 

J: I told them I was at a friends house…they didn’t believe me…

Y: I mean its not like you lied

Jongho saw that Yeosang was still typing. 

Y: wait- are we friends??

Jongo couldn’t help the chuckle that left his mouth. Yeosang was older than him but everything about that boy was so cute that Jongho always forgets about the fact that Yeosang is actually older.

J: If you wanna be friends, we can be friends! And they didn’t believe me because I never hang out with anyone but these three idiots. So I told them I was at yours and they kinda flipped out =.= 

Jongho hoped he wouldn’t regret telling Yeosang this. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too much information. He didn’t want Yeosang to think that he OR his friends were weird, that would both be bad. Yeosang typed.

Y: why were they flipping out?? 0_0 am I that weird ;(   
Jongho face-palmed himself. That wasn’t what he expected and definitely not what he wanted. He quickly typed a reply, groaning in frustration. 

J: NO!!! definitely not!!! They are the ones being weird, don’t worry about them :-)

He sighed, he couldn’t tell Yeosang that his friends were shipping them, that wouldn’t end well. It would probably end in a big panic attack for Jongho when Yeosang would mention anything near the topic of his sexuality right now. Right now wasn’t the right time to come out.

After that the two boys started talking about random stuff, about how Yeosang didn’t get that one line right in his script and how Jongho really liked chocolate ice cream even though his trainer forbid him to eat too many sweets, especially before competitions. Their conversations seemed to randomly change, which Jongho liked a lot. At least he would get to know the other boy a bit better. 

They had texted until Yeosang told him that he should probably go to sleep, it being already past 11PM and him needing to wake up at 6 tomorrow for a rehearsal. Jongho smiled at his phone. He loved the blondes passion for performing, making so much effort for what he loved. Jongho send him a small but probably still sweet good night message before he lied his phone on his night stand, turning off his alarm since he only had lectures in the afternoon. Tomorrow was his practice free day so he could finally sleep in without feeling guilty for skipping training. He turned off the lights and closed his eyes, quickly falling asleep.

That night, Jongho dreamed of a certain blonde boy.


	9. About lunch and 'Cats'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the longest chapter but important so have fun reading

It had been one week of Jongho and Yeosang texting back and forth. Jongho had grew to look forward to the small ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ messages the older sent him and he had already learned about Yeosang. For example had the blonde boy told him that he was an only child and that his father and mother had met at work since his dad was a photographer and his mom a (retired) model. They had talked about everything and anything but Jongho was still surprised when Yeosang asked him out on a date. Well, he hadn’t said date but meeting for lunch sounded pretty much like a date in Jonghos mind. And the idea of a real date had left his mind as soon as Yeosang told him that he would take San, Yunho and Mingi with him. So definitely no date. Jongho had been a bit sad about the fact that they wouldn’t be alone but maybe it was better like this, to get more comfortable, considering that the last times they had spoken with each other alone it always ended up being rather awkward.

So Jongho decided to take his three friends with him as well, Wooyoung and San were all lovey dovey anyways, always calling each other in the evening and meeting up in any free time they had. Jongho found it cute, sometimes a bit disgusting when they decided it would be a good idea to make out on Wooyoungs and Jonghos living room couch – what luckily just happened once before but he had to throw them off the couch and ban them to Wooyoungs room before they would have went for it while Jongho wanted to work out. He doesn’t think they actually had sex yet, his best friend would have told him but he just wanted to make sure it didn’t happen anywhere he could possibly sit afterwards. -, but still cute and he was happy for them. And Hongjoong and Seonghwa loved to go out for lunch somewhere cute so it wasn’t hard to get them to go with him. Hongjoong and Seonghwa always had small lunch dates anyways even though they didn’t call it dates. Jongho knew exactly that both of them wanted it to be dates, the two oldest already almost married in his and everyone elses mind. 

So that’s why Jongho was now in this cute taco place that wasn’t far from campus, squeezed between Yeosang and Mingi. They had trouble getting a table for eight at first but after some rearranging they all settled down. And soon all of them had fallen into mild chatter. Jongho had thought that it might be a bit awkward at the beginning because some of them knew each other but not all and he didn’t know how that would went but as soon as Mingi started talking about the new short novel he started working on and Wooyoung talking endlessly about the dress he was working on some celebrity apparently was supposed to wear at the end they all ended up being comfortable with each other pretty fast. He had learned that Mingi and Yunho both were literature majors and a couple since early senior year in high school. He learned that San was a contemporary teacher besides majoring in performance arts like Yeosang. Somewhere in between San telling about himself Jongho catched himself laughing at his best friend who hung on every word the older boy said as if it was the most beautiful poem he ever heard. Jongho was happy that Wooyoung hadn’t started drooling, that would have ended in a mess.

At some point Jongho had stopped paying attention to everything that happened around him, happily munching on the nachos he had ordered. It was always hard for him to concentrate with so many people around him, talking and laughing and being loud. He was content when his friends were happy and as long as nobody annoyed him he was fine. Jongho wasn’t the biggest talker anyways. 

He had just put another chip into his mouth when he felt someone poking his arm, looking over to the person, Yeosang, who smiled at him. The blonde boy looked cute today, even cuter than he normally did, in a big lilac-pink knitted pullover and a pink bear beret, light pink blush on his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. When Jongho had first saw him in front of the restaurant he had to remind himself to breathe because the older one was looking so small and delicate that Jongho preferably just wanted to take him somewhere else and cuddle with him until the older was sick of him. 

The soft: “Are you alright?” from Yeosang snapped Jongho out of his thoughts. He was still looking at the older, swallowing and smiling back at him. “Yea, I’m fine, I…just don’t really know what to talk about.” He scratched his neck, a bit embarrassed, he didn’t know why. But all thoughts left his mind when Yeosang giggled, one hand covering his mouth. “You are cute, you aren’t the biggest talker in real life, aren’t you?” The older was looking at him with a playful glimmer in his eyes which made Jonghos smile turn into a grin. “Well, someone has to be the quiet one when all people around them are so loud.” That got him another giggle from Yeosang and an angry "Hey!“ from Wooyoung who gave him a glare before turning back to San and Hongjoong, talking about something Jongho didn’t know very heatedly.   
“You are right, but I think its alright. It suits you!” 

Jongho looked at Yeosang confused. “What suits me?” Yeosang shrugged. “Being quiet. You seem like a person who has a lot of secrets. For example Hongjoong and Wooyoung are like open books, people know what they get from just looking at them. The same for Mingi and me I guess, well, at least in some points. Yunho and San are a bit more secretive of everything around strangers but you? I couldn’t read you at all in the beginning. You are a mysterious in my eyes and I think that’s really cool because I still have a lot to learn about you over the time.”   
Yeosang winked at Jongho, the latter swallowing heavily. Its not like Yeosang was wrong. But he being so talkative about Jongho was kinda scary. It didn’t make him panic, but it was scary. Jongho decided to ask: “What makes you think I’m this mysterious?”  
Yeosang shrugged again, smiling at the younger. “I don’t know, I just thing there are things in your life you don’t want anyone to know and that makes you really interesting.” Jongho bit his bottom lip before mumbling a quiet “If you think so” before taking another chip and putting it in his mouth. Yeosang lightly nudged his shoulder before turning back to the other as well, engaging himself in in Sans and Mingis discussion about what Disney movie was the best. The topic around Jongho had been discarded which Jongho was really happy about. He felt like Yeosang could read him like an open book if he really wanted and the younger didn’t wanted all his secrets on the table in a medium priced taco restaurant.

After they finished their lunch the group had parted, Seonghwa accompanied Hongjoong to his art history class, San and Wooyoung left to Sans dorm (Jongho didn’t want to think about what they would do) and Mingi and Yunho excused themselves because of Yunhos work in his mothers café (Jongho had found out that the nice lady owning the café near campus was also Yunhos mother what was the reason why he worked there), leaving Yeosang and Jongho behind in front of the restaurant.

Yeosang sighed and turned to him. “And what are you gonna do now?” Jongho, kicking a small stone away on the pavement, just shrugged his shoulders. “I…haven’t planned my day that far to be honest.” When he looked up to Yeosang he caught the older biting his bottom lip. “You could…come over? We could- maybe watch a movie? Just if you want to!!” Jongho had to surpress a coo at the olders nervousness and he didn’t know if it was just the blush on his cheeks or if Yeosang was blushing for real.   
Thinking about it for a second, a movie ‘date’ with Yeosang sounded great, he could spent more time with the blonde boy. And if Yeosang suggested it how could he say no? He hadn’t had anything to do anyways.

Jongho smiled. “Sure.” The younger could physically see relaxation washing over Yeosangs frame, his light frown turning into a smile. He skipped over to Jongho in a rush of confidence and linked their arms together, smiling brightly up to the black haired boy. “Well then, lets go!” Jongho just let himself be dragged, too concentrated to not faint from the sudden show of affection by the blonde boy. Jongho swore to himself, his heart was beating twice as fast than what was probably good for him. Yeosang would be the death of him some day.

~°~

“Just make yourself comfortable on the couch, I’m gonna get my laptop and something to drink.” They had made their way over to Yeosang. On the way they had decided to watch the new Cats movie, both haven’t seen it yet and both really wanted to know how bad it actually was. And now Jongho sat himself down on the big unfoldable couch in Yeosangs living room, legs pulled up on the cushions, waiting for the older. He had told himself repeatedly not to be nervous when they had walked to the apartment. There was no reason for him to be nervous but he couldn’t help the fast rate his heart seemed to pound at. 

After a few moments, Yeosang returned with his laptop under his left arm and a bottle of coke with two cups on top of it in his right hands, carefully placing everything down before sitting down on the couch himself. He had gotten rid of his beret while he was gone.   
Jongho took it upon himself to grab the bottle and opening it, filling both cups. He pushed one over the table to Yeosang, smiling at him when he heard a small ‘thank you’ from the older.   
When everything was set up Yeosang pressed play on his laptop, the intro of the film playing. He leaned back on the couch, next to Jongho. They were pretty near, their legs almost touching. Jongho didn’t exactly felt uncomfortable but it was something new for him, this being the first time watching a movie like this with someone that wasn’t Wooyoung, Hongjoong or Seonghwa. He had his cup tightly in his hands, taking small sips before placing it back down and concentrating on the movie. His legs were now hanging off the couch and he felt Yeosangs thigh touching his. Jongho exhaled inaudibly. It was just them watching a movie, what could go wrong?

Apparently, watching a movie with Yeosang wasn’t as good for Jongho as he thought at the beginning. Not even half into the movie Yeosang had decided to lie his head on Jonghos shoulder, telling him about how bad the movie was compared to the actual musical. Jongho had to agree, the movie was horrible. He had stopped watching it after the first twenty minutes, carefully eyeing Yeosang out of the corner of his eyes. But his mind had run wild anyways when Yeosang started talking about how he once had a small role in a cats production off campus and the image of Yeosang being a cute kitty cat had resulted in Jonghos breathing getting heavy. It seemed like every time the blonde boy entered his mind he had no control left over his body and Jongho didn’t like that at all.

Yeosang turned to him, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is everything ok? Are you alright?” The older seemed genuinely worried. Jongho understood, Yeosang had saw him having several panic attacks already on the few days they actually met and this definitely sounded like the beginning of one. But he was fine, really, just gay panicking over the cute boy who was currently worried about him. 

“I’m fine”, Jongho croaked out, giving Yeosang a half smile. He just hoped the boy bought it, “Lets just watch this movie.”   
Yeosang frowned before pushed himself up from Jongho and pressed the pause button on his laptop, his eyebrows crunched together when he looked at Jongho. “You are not actually interested in the movie, aren’t you?” Yeosang leaned back on the couch, still facing Jongho. The younger swallowed. “Of course I am, we wanted to watch it, you remember?”  
“Jongho.” The blonde boy gave him a daring glance.   
Jongho sighed in defeat, his head hanging low. “I haven’t paid attention to the movie since we were twenty minutes in”, he looked back to Yeosang, a lazy smirk on his lips, “Its really bad, you know?”

Yeosang scoffed, carding one hand through his hair, grinning as well. “Yea, I know, its pretty damn bad but what have you been focusing on if it wasn’t the movie.”   
Jongho let out a gasp of air he didn’t know he was holding, looking at the older boy with slightly widened eyes. They shared an awkward moment of eye contact that Jongho couldn’t remain. He couldn’t tell him. What should he do now? Jongho felt how his hands started to sweat and he decided that the wall behind Yeosang was really pretty all of the sudden. He fiddled with his hands on his lap. “W-well, I-“ 

He got cut off mid-sentence when he felt something soft against his lips. Jongho froze. His eyes were blown wide and everything he could see was Yeosangs blonde bangs and his closed eyes. The older was kissing him. Well, more just pressing his lips against Jonghos. He could feel the lipgloss the blonde boy was wearing and that was just a bit faded due to them eating and drinking. Jongho could feel Yeosangs hands on his chest, grabbing his shirt. The older was warm, Jongho thought if he would touch Yeosang too now it would feel like burning himself. His head was spinning. What was happening? Why was Yeosang kissing him all of the sudden? This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all. Jongho did the first thing that came to his mind.

He pushed Yeosang off himself, the boy stumbling back on the couch, staring at him with a terrified expression. Jongho most definitely mirrored that emotion in his own face.  
“Oh- oh my god Jongho, I-I’m-“ Yeosang tried to reach out for the younger but Jongho flinched back by instinct. He could see the hurt in Yeosangs eyes but what was he supposed to do? The older had just kissed him! Square on the lips. Why had he done that? Jonghos head was spinning and he felt like fainting.   
Yeosang looked at him with a worried expression. “Please, Jongho, I- please say something, I-I’m sorry I-“ His voice broke, a silent sob leaving his lips but he didn’t cry.

“W-why- did you…?” Jonghos voice wasn’t above a whisper, he feared that if he talked any louder his voice would break too. He didn’t want that. Yeosang already was in despair, he didn’t want to worry him even further. “I-I don’t know! I- just felt like it! I’m so sorry, Jongho, I know you-“ The blondes gaze wandered to the floor, he couldn’t bare to look at the younger any longer. “What do you know?”, Jongho asked but shook his head even before Yeosang could answer, “I c-cant, I have to go, I’m-“ 

Jongho stood up and started massaging his temples with his hands, his headache getting worse with every second. He wouldn’t have thought that a simple request of watching a movie together could escalate like this. He didn’t want that. They barely knew each other, they were going way too fast. He was already midway to the door when he felt Yeosang grab the sleeve of his hoodie tightly in his smaller hands. “Please, Jongho, let us talk about this! I-I’m sorry that I kissed you, I know I shouldn’t have”, he sounded sad, desperate, but Jongho couldn’t get himself to look at the older. He had his eyes tightly shut just to control the raging headache he was developing. “I know you-you are not gay and I-I shouldn’t have stepped over your boundaries, I’m so sorry, b-but I really like you since the moment we met and I-” 

Jongho felt something break inside of him. He tried to surpress the distressed noise that left his throat but he couldn’t. He grabbed Yeosangs hands that were still holding him and pushed him off, hearing another hurt gasp from Yeosang. “You know what? You apparently know nothing!”, Jonghos voice broke and he pressed a hand to his chest, he suddenly felt dizzy, “I- please just let me go, I- we can talk later ok? I need to think.”  
He pulled open the front door, practically running outside. He didn’t look back to see Yeosang starting to cry. He felt awful, he felt bad, as if he was the one that did something wrong. Maybe he was? It could have all went another way if his messed up mind would just let Jongho live the life he wanted to live. He had hurt himself several times with that and now he hurt Yeosang, the first person he sincerely liked since a long time. 

Jongho went to the first place that came to his mind: the garden behind the gym hall. He had tried to level himself on the way there but as soon as he sat down on the bench, he and Wooyoung always sat at, he broke down, sobs ripping from his throat. He hid his face in his hands and just cried. He didn’t care of someone would see him like this, he didn’t care about anything at the moment. All he cared about is the fact that he probably fucked up big time. Jongho didn’t know what to do. Yeosang probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him after what Jongho had just done, pushing him away and just leaving him there. He hated himself for the way he reacted but he also couldn’t think of any other way he could have reacted at the moment. He was a wreck. Maybe it was better if Yeosang wouldn’t like him, he couldn’t even deal with himself, how could the older boy possibly deal with him. 

“Oh my god, Jongho!” At first, Jongho hadn’t realised that someone was calling his name, still too fed up in his own crying. He flinched hard though when someone lied his arms around him. Jongho didn’t have to look up to know that it was his brother. He sat up straight, looking Seonghwa in his face that was washed over by worry. “Hyung-“, he pressed out before another sob left him, burying his face in the olders chest. Seonghwas grip around him tightened. “Oh my god, Jjong, what happened to you?! Who did this to you??!” Jongho didn’t answer, he wrapped his arms around his brothers neck, gripping hard at the fabric on Seonghwas shoulders. The older whispered reassuring phrases into his ear, Jongho didn’t understand a lot but it did help him calm down. 

It took him around twenty minutes until he was calmed down enough that he didn’t had to sob and hiccup frequently. His grip on Seonghwas shoulders had eased, his head just lying exhausted on his brothers chest. Seonghwa caressed his back, stroking up and down in a soothing motion. He sighed. “You wanna talk about what happened?” Seonghwa had lied his head on top of Jonghos head, he must be already cramping with his crunched together they both sat. Jongho let out a shaky breath. “I-I fucked up, hyung”, he whispered, opening his eyes. He eyed the flowers that bloomed on the grass. Normally Jongho found them beautiful. At the moment he couldn’t bare to look at them for too long. They reminded him of Yeosang.   
“What happened, Jjong? Please tell me so I can help you”, Seonghwa pushed one hand through Jonghos black hair, lifting his own head for better excess, “I don’t like to see you like this.”

Slowly Jongho let go off his brother, wiping his face with the sleeves of his hoodie. His eyes were puffy and his face red from all the crying. Seonghwa gave him a look of sympathy, pushing stray strands of hair back behind Jonghos ears. The younger took a deep breath before he starting explaining.  
“A-After the lunch I went with Yeosang to his apartment because he said we could watch a movie together and I mean, it seemed like a good idea? And we did watch the movie but a-after some time it got…more intense? And Y-yeosang just-“, another shaky breath left Jonghos mouth before he could continue, Seonghwa concentrating on everything he said, “And Yeosang just…kissed me and I-I panicked! And I pushed him off and t-then I ran out e-even though he wanted to talk about it and I-I feel so bad, hyung! He-he will probably hate me n-now…I fucked up.” Jongho let his head fall back into his hands. He was happy he could let it all out and talk about it with his brother but he was also scared what Seonghwa would say. But all that happened was that Seonghwa lied his arms back around Jonghos shoulders and squeezed him tightly on his chest. He even heard the older giggle but stopped when Jongho punched him. 

“I’m sorry, Jongho, but you really are something sometimes. I don’t know why he kissed you, but you shouldn’t stress yourself out like this about stuff like this. Mind telling me if he told you why he kissed you?”  
“He said he likes me and he just…wanted to do it”, Jongho mumbled, his cheeks painted in a light pink at the thought. Seonghwa hummed. “Well isn’t that good? Since you like him too?” Jongho groaned, burying his face further into his brothers chest. “He apologized right after because he said he knows i’m not gay.” Jongho grumbled into the material of Seonghwas button up, the older barely understanding him. “What?” The black haired boy turned his head lightly so he wasn’t talking into the fabric anymore. “He said he knows I’m not gay and that he was sorry for kissing me.” Seonghwa could practically hear the pout in his brothers words, sighing defeatedly. “Well, maybe its time for you to come clean to him.”   
“Don’t need to, he probably hates me already anyways.” 

Jongho winced when Seonghwa slapped his back. He leaned back and gave his brother a grumpy look. “Ouch! What was that for??” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “He doesn’t hate you and you will talk to him about everything and tell him that you like him too and that you are, in fact, gay. I wont let you ruin your own life just because you are too scared.” Jongho shrunk into himself under the demanding glare from his brother. He didn’t wanna talk with Yeosang right now. He didn’t know if he could do that right now. But nevermind how pleading he looked at his older brother, Seonghwa didn’t give in. Jongho sighed.

“Okay, I will text him if we can meet. But not today, okay? I cant do that right now.”  
That earned a satisfied smile from Seonghwa. He patted his younger brothers shoulder. “That’s fine, you don’t have to do that right now, I get it, but please text him tomorrow for real.” Jongho nodded, making Seonghwa grin. “Great, and now lets go get some pizza and beers and lets just forget about it for now, ok? I’m gonna throw out Hongjoong and we will have a brother night-in, sounds good?”   
Jongho smiled brightly, nodding vigorously. 

In moments like these he remembered why Seonghwa was the best older brother he could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry


	10. About boyfriends and shorts

It took a chill night in with his brother, a few beer and an aspirin for Jongho to text Yeosang. He had contemplated a lot, he didn’t know what to say at all. He also felt bad to get back to Yeosang via text but he didnt think he could get anything out when he would be standing in front of the blonde boy.  
It took 3 deleted messages for Yeosang to text him back with a _what are you doing?_

Jongho groaned. Did he actually knew what he was doing? It all felt wrong to talk to the older boy about text why exactly he ran away the day before. He couldn’t actually come out to Yeosang via text, right? That would be unfair for both of them. Jongho sighed. He closed the messager app on his phone and opened the calling window, searching for Yeosangs contact and pressed ‘call’. His heart stopped beating every time a soft _beep_ made its way to his ear and he stopped breathing when he heard the small ‘yes’ from Yeosang.

Yeosang sounded hoarse, as if he just woke up, and he sounded sad, what made Jonghos heart break a little more. “Hey, hyung”, he muttered, playing with one edge of his blanket. He was still lying on his bed, it was barely 9AM and he hadn’t came home before two in the morning but he couldn’t sleep anymore, “I didn’t wake you up, right?”   
All he got from the older was an affirming hum before both went silent. Jongho contemplated if he should just go for it. What if Yeosang actually didn’t like him anymore and he would just make a fool out of himself? They had mutual friends at this point and they would continue seeing each other at gatherings. What if-  
“Jongho? Why did you call me this early? And what were those deleted messages about? Jongho, you still there?”  
The younger jumped, thrown out of his own thoughts. “Eh, yea, I’m still here! I-I wanted to talk to you”, he took a deep breath, “Talk to you about…yesterday.”  
He heart Yeosang sigh on the other side of the phone. “Listen, Jongho, if you called me to tell me that you didn’t like it or that you wanna stay friends, please, just don’t, I really am not in the mood for sympathy right now. I know it was my fault but please, don’t-“   
“No, no! That’s not why I called!”, Jongho quickly cut Yeosang off, throwing his free hand into the air to emphasize his statement even though Yeosang couldn’t even see him, “Eh, I mean, I do want to be friends with you! No, I- don’t want to be friends with you-, I MEAN-“ Jongho got interrupted by a chuckle and a sigh from Yeosang. “Get to the point, Jongho.”  
Jongho inhaled and exhaled slowly. _Showtime._

“I’m gay, hyung.”

Yeosang was silent. And Jongho panicked. He knew it, he knew it wasn’t a good idea to do this via phone. Yeosang would hate him even more now that he knew he was gay but still rejected him. Or he wouldn’t believe him. Should he just play it out as a joke? No, that was the worst thing he could do now. Thinking about it, Jongho felt strangely relieved to have this big piece of himself off of his chest. Coming out to Yeosang now had been easier than he had thought it would be. The silence from the older still edged him, though. Jongho decided to continue talking.   
“I-I didn’t come out to anyone except my brother, Wooyoung and Hongjoong…and now you. A-and I feel really relieved right now but could you please say something? Anything?” Still nothing from the blonde boy. Jongho wondered if he was still on the line when he heard a small puff of air. He was still with him.

“Jongho, I- were you scared of how I would react?” Jongho had been prepared for a lot but not for this question. “Eh, what do you mean, hyung?”   
“Were you scared of how I would react when you come out to me? Is that why you run away yesterday?” Jongho crunched his eyebrows together, opening his mouth to say something but closing it again. He still didn’t really know how to answer Yeosangs question. But Yeosang continued talking anyways. “Because if I seemed like I would react negatively, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…scare you away?”  
“No! That wasn’t it, I-I just…don’t like the idea of people knowing I’m gay.”, Jongho mumbled, suddenly feeling kind of dumb.  
“But why?”  
 _Yea, why?_ Jongho had asked himself that at least a thousand times over the years.   
“Probably because I’m…scared of judgement? Scared of other people? I don’t know, hyung, its just not easy.”  
Yeosang sniffled. Was he crying?  
“Jongho, know that I would never judge you. How could I judge you if I am gay myself? You are always save with me if that is what you are worried about. Even though your coming out just now seemed to get out of you kind of easier than I thought.”   
Jongho bit his lip.   
“That’s because I like you, Yeosang-hyung.”  
The older boy went silent again but not for as long as before as he cleared his throat. “I- like you too, Jongho. But please, don’t feel pressured to do things you don’t wanna do just because of me”, Yeosang stopped, Jongho could almost hear him think through the phone, “do you wanna come over? So we can actually talk about everything in person? I think- we still have a lot to talk about.” 

After Jonghos quick ‘yes’ they ended the call and Jongho practically sprang off his bed to get dressed. He threw on some skinny jeans and a simple shirt with a leather jacket on top. He at least wanted to look decent for whatever they wanted to talk about. Well, he kind of already knew what they would be talking about. About his coming out, about the kiss, about how they just equally said that they liked each other. Jongho felt his chest and ears getting hot. He had just told Yeosang he liked him. Over the phone. He groaned, he was actually an idiot.   
He quickly took his phone and his keys, taping a little note on Wooyoungs door that he was out to see Yeosang and that he would tell him everything later, before he stormed out of the door and towards Yeosangs apartment building. 

When he ringed the bell he didn’t even had to wait a second before the door opened and he quickly ran up the stairs. As he entered the right floor he already saw Yeosang standing in his door, a big hoodie thrown over his head and a pair of shorts on his legs, he looked absolutely adorable. Jongho stopped right in front of the older boy, giving him a small half smile. “Hey”, he mumbled. Yeosang just smiled took a few steps back to let Jongho in. 

Jongho had barely taken off his shoes and stood back up when he felt Yeosangs arms around his neck and his lips on his for a brief second, parting from his with a loud smack sound. The blonde boy looked up to Jongho, his face practically glowing. Jonghos arms almost automatically wandered around Yeosangs waist.  
“Didn’t we want to talk?”, he asked, playfully, and Yeosang giggled. Jongho thought he could actually get diabetes just hearing those small, cute noises leave Yeosangs mouth.   
“Well, yea, but first I wanna know how you felt about this kiss just now. And then we can talk about everything else.” A smirked curled his way on the olders lips, his arms still tightly around Jonghos neck. The younger chuckled. “I mean, now that you know that I actually like you and that I’m actually not as straight as you thought, I wouldn’t mind you kissing me more often.” That got him another peck, but this time on his cheek. Jongho was almost disappointed when Yeosang entangled his arms from around his neck but he didn’t care about it anymore when he instead took one of his hands and guided him into the living room, they both sitting down on the couch. 

Yeosang looked at Jongho with a soft smile. “I’m so proud of you for being brave enough to come out to me just now.”Jongho felt himself blush but he could see a tinge of red on Yeosang as well, his face otherwise completely bare because of the non-existent time he had until Jongho had arrived. He continued. “My friends always assumed that you like me, too, but if I’m being honest with you? I kind of lost hope yesterday after you stormed out. I didn’t think you would actually text me or even call me and I definitely didn’t think you would tell me all the stuff you told me over the phone.”  
Jongho sighed, taking one of Yeosangs hands in his own. “I know, I’m sorry. Yesterday was…really overwhelming for me. If I’m being honest too? I kind of had a panic attack right after I left and Seonghwa luckily found me because I would probably have passed out outside if he didn’t take care of me”, Jongho explained. He ignore the horrified gasp Yeosang let out as he continued, “I didn’t had a crush on anyone in a really long time and you-you just stumbled into my life with such force that I didn’t know how to handle it. You are just so talented and beautiful and caring and I love spending time with you and texting you and I feel safe to just laugh and scream when I’m with you because I know you wont look at me weirdly, even though we don’t know each other for a long time yet. It just feels right. And all of my friends told me to just come out, at least to you, but I was just scared because I’m always scared. And then you kissed me and something just-…clicked and I had to run before I freaked out more than I already was. I’m sorry, If that scared you or if I hurt you. I really like you and I have no idea how to handle that.”, he took a deep breath, squeezing Yeosangs hand, “And I still don’t feel comfortable coming out to anyone else, I just…I just wanted you to know so you know that I don’t hate you or something. I actually like kissing boys, I especially like kissing you and all I wanna do right now is hug you and cry but I wont because I’m a big boy and yea…I think I’m done.” 

A second later, Jongho found himself with an armful of Yeosang, the older burying his face in his neck. Yeosang was the one crying now. “I-I am so sorry, Jongho. If I knew how you felt I wouldn’t have kissed you like this, I wo-would have talked with you, I’m such an idiot.” Jongho patted his back, whispering reassuring nothings into Yeosangs ear. The older sniffled, his arms tightly around the youngers back. “I-I hope, we can figure this out. I really wanna be with you and if you want…us to be a secret for now its fine. I wont pressure you. I-I’m just happy that you don’t hate me.” Jongho smiled and pushed Yeosang a bit away so he could look him in the eyes. He wiped away some tears that were running down the olders cheeks. “I know, but thank you, hyung. I really appreciate that. I want to be with you as well.” And with that Jongho pressed a soft kiss onto Yeosangs lips, this one more lingering than the one they shared in the hallway when he had arrived at Yeosangs apartment. Yeosangs arms wandered to the youngers neck, keeping him in place as he started moving his lips against Jonghos, as if he was scared that the black haired boy could just disappear. Jongho placed one of his hands on Yeosangs waist, the other was softly holding Yeosangs face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. 

They both pulled back for air, smiling brightly. Yeosang lied his head back on Jonghos shoulder, his arms loosely around his back. Jongho sighed happily. “This is nice”, he heard Yeosang giggle, “And I promise you that I will do my best to at least come out to your friends as soon as possible but…please give me a few days, okay? I think I have to prepare myself for that.” Jongho scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, Yeosang chuckled lowly. He pushed himself up to look at Jongho, smiling. “Don’t worry too much about it right now. I want to spend the first days just like this anyways and when you are ready we can tell the others ok? About us”, he paused, biting his bottom lip, “Are we…a couple now, Jongho? Do you even wanna be my boyfriend??” Yeosang looked panicked but Jongho could just laugh, earning a slap on his shoulder from the older. “That’s not funny! We haven’t confirmed anything yet!”   
“Yea, we don’t, but I thought it was obvious,…boyfriend.” Jongho laughed again at the second punch on his shoulder but was quieted down with the kiss that he received right after.

Jongho and Yeosang spent the rest of the day with just the two of them, watching dramas, cuddling and with a few kisses here and there. The younger still felt shy about all this, this being his first relationship at all and the first time he actually came out to someone that wasn’t like family to him. Although, Yeosang probably would be his family soon as well, being his official boyfriend already.   
They were cuddled up together on Yeosangs bed, his laptop in front of them and the older lying on Jonghos chest when Yeosang shifted to look at the black haired boy. Jongho looked at him with one eyebrow raised.  
“What I still wanted to ask you! How did you decide that quickly to text me? I mean, I hoped you would but I hadn’t thought you actually would talk to me right the next morning.” The older boy giggled when he saw Jongho blush, pressing a quick peck on the youngers neck. 

“W-well, actually…I don’t think I would have texted you at all today if it weren’t for Seonghwa and him actually threatening me to tell you…whoops.” They were both laughing, Jongho out of embarrassment, Yeosang probably because of the way Seonghwa had that much power over his little brother. “I guess I have to thank Seonghwa-hyung then later.”   
Jongho frowned. “About that…I wrote Wooyoung a sticky note that I would tell him everything later. He probably saw it already since its already pretty late”, the younger sighed, “but I don’t know if I should tell him about us. Wouldn’t it be unfair for you if I told my friends but you cant tell yours?” Jongho avoided Yeosangs gaze, looking around the olders room. He just realised that he really likes the musical posters on the wall, they were very Yeosang-y. 

“Baby.” Jongho widened his eyes and looked down at Yeosang, feeling his chest getting hot at the nickname the older had just given him. Yeosang was smiling, but Jongho could see that it wasn’t all too sincere. “I’m being honest with you, I think it would be kind of unfair for my friends but I will not stop you if you want to tell Wooyoung or the other two”, Yeosang caressed his face with one hand, the younger leaning into the touch, “And I said I will give you the time until you are ready but they will find out eventually anyways. So, lets make a deal. You can tell your friends that we are dating and I will tell mine that I am dating someone. I don’t have to tell them who it is and when you are ready we can both tell them together, okay?” 

Jongho felt something warm in his chest. Not the kind of heat he felt when he was embarrassed but that kind of warmth he had only read about. He lied one of his hands over Yeosangs that was still caressing his cheek, slightly linking their fingers together. He smiled. “Is it too early for me to tell you that I love you?”   
That rippled a lot laugh from Yeosang, the older burying his face in Jonghos hoodie to dim the sound. He looked back up, his lips curled into a wide grin. “It probably is, but, same.” And they kissed another time, Yeosang still holding his face and Jonghos free arm tightly wrapped around the others body, holding him against the younger. Jongho couldn’t remember how many times they had already kissed but every time they did he could feel a tingle spread through his body, every kiss feeling better than the last one. 

Jongho didn’t know how long they actually kissed each other but when they parted he had Yeosang in his arms and a light numbness in his lips from all the kissing. He sighed. He wished he could just stay like this forever, with Yeosang in his arms and nobody around to annoy them. Jongho had never imagined when he had gone to that musical performance that he would end up in so much drama and with a new group of friends and actually with such a beautiful boy he could call his boyfriend. They had started with Jongho gay panicking and literally having a heart attack to end right here.   
_No, this isn’t the end_ , Jongho thought, _this is just the beginning._

“What are you thinking about?” Jongho smiled down at the boy in his arms, Yeosang already half asleep. It was already late and Jongho would just stay over, he had changed into some shorts Yeosang had said were from Yunho – however he had a pair of Yunhos shorts in his closet – before they had lied down on the bed, so he didn’t have to sleep in his jeans. He didn’t bother to tell Wooyoung. Seonghwa probably already told him and he had said that he was at Yeosangs, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Thinking about that, maybe he didn’t have to tell Wooyoung anything, maybe Seonghwa already told him and Hongjoong everything.

“You”, the younger said but thought again before he added, “well first about you, then about us and then why you had Yunhos shorts in your closet and then my brother.”   
A low chuckle left Yeosangs mouth, the older slapping Jongho on the chest but there was no force in the action at all. The boy was already far too gone. “You should have stopped your train of thought at thinking about me and not thinking about Yunho or your brother. Don’t make me jealous”, Yeosang mumbled, half into the air, half into Jonghos hoodie but he still understood him, carding his hand through Yeosangs hair. “Oh, don’t worry, I think you are the last person that needs to be jealous. You cant get rid of me anymore.”

“Good, because I don’t want to.”

~°~

Yeosang was woken up by the air that was brushing against his face. He scrunched his nose and blinked a few times before he fully opened his eyes. The blonde boy smiled as he looked directly looked into Jonghos still sleeping form, his eyes closed and his breathing even. He looked like a child like this, with the little pout on his lips and his slightly swollen face from the slumber. Yeosang moved just the tiniest bit so he could push yourself up on his elbows, careful not to wake his boyfriend up.

It still sounded weird in his mind. Boyfriend. Jongho actually was his boyfriend. He had already lost all his hope when Jongho had ran away from him two days ago. He got it now, it must have been really hard for the boy, but he did lost all his hope for a couple of hours. To be more exact: Until Jongho had texted him.   
Yes, he had thought that the younger was straight and not interested in him but deep inside his mind he knew. He knew something. That was why he kissed the black haired boy in the first place. He had thought that maybe his friends were right, that he just wasn’t seeing something the others did. He hadn’t wanted to step over Jonghos boundaries but when the boy sat next to him on his couch, looking at him like this. He had lose it. He had to do it, just had to kiss him. And, in the end, that was exactly the right thing to do, to push Jongho and himself over the edge to finally talk with each other. Now they could all figure it out together, he could hopefully, finally, get happy with someone that truly likes him. At least he hoped that Jongho did so.

“Hyung? Why are you awake already?” Yeosang heard a soft and hoarse voice next to him. Jongho had woken up, his eyes still half closed and his hands rolled in fists to rub at the corner of them. The older smiled and lied back down on his side, one of his arms under his head, gazing at his still tired boyfriend. “Sorry, baby, did I wake you up?” Jonghos lips curled into a lazy grin and Yeosang felt how one of the youngers arms snaked around his waist, pulling him closer. Jongho leaned in to press a small kiss to the tip of the blonde boys nose, making Yeosang giggle and hide his face on Jonghos chest. He had sweated a bit in the hoodie but Yeosang didn’t care, he still thought that Jongho smelled good, even when he was sweaty. It didn’t matter back in the gym hall and it didn’t matter now. 

Jonghos face was pressed against his blonde locks. “Did you sleep well?” Yeosang nodded as best as he could with his face still pressed into Jongho and mumbled a quiet “yes, I slept great” that was barely understood by the latter. They went silent again, just enjoying each others presence. The sun was already shining through the curtains but Yeosang didn’t have any schedules until afternoon but he did have to practice a song and a bit of a script for class. He sighed. “Do you have anything to do today?”, he asked the younger, pushing away, just enough to look into Jonghos face. Yeosang raised his not occupied hand to push a strand of hair out of the youngers face, making him blush a bit. Jongho nodded. “Yes I have Judo practice at twelve and I have two lectures. I’m sorry, baby, but I cant stay too long today. I should probably also go and see how Wooyoung is doing”, Jongho chuckled, “we wouldn’t want him to worry too much about his best friend.” 

Yeosang pouted, he looked over Jongho to his nightstand. His alarm telling him that it was already ten. Jongho would have to go soon to get his stuff and go to practice. He didn’t want the other to leave. “Can you come back tonight? After your lectures and all? You can bring your own clothes this time so you don’t have to sleep in Yunhos shorts.” He sent Jongho a small smirk but pouted again when Jongho cooed at him. “I can do that, hyung, but only after I got everything done today.” And with that he pressed a soft (but slightly lingering) kiss onto Yeosangs lips before parting and sitting up. “If I get to my apartment early and I catch Wooyoung I can come earlier tonight, so I will get going now.” Jongho smiled down at   
Yeosang who just frowned, still lying down.

“You better make tonight come fast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they finally talked and they finally figured it out. Jongsang is sailing guys


	11. About friendship and relationships

Jongho couldn’t stop smiling. He had just left Yeosangs apartment and he already missed him. He had really enjoyed his evening with the blonde boy and it was really hard for him to leave his new found boyfriend behind even though they said they would see each other again later in the day. 

But first he had to talk with Wooyoung. Jongho gulped. He had just put a sticky note on the olders door and hadn’t answered his phone the whole time he was at Yeosangs place. He had seen the messages Wooyoung had sent him when he had opened his phone as he was walking down the stairs earlier. He didn’t exactly know how Wooyoung would react to Jongho telling him that he was in a relationship with Yeosang. And that he couldn’t tell anyone else yet. Not even San. 

The black haired boy sighed. Would Wooyoung be angry at him that he hadn’t really talked with him about this all? He knew about his crush but he had neither told him about the kiss incident nor that he had decided to come out to Yeosang. The smaller boy would probably be pissed off at him but to be honest? Clearing things with Yeosang in peace was worth an temporarily angry Wooyoung. 

Jongho searched for his keys in the pockets of his jackets when he arrived at their apartment but just as he had found them he heard the door ‘click’ and Wooyoung stood before him. Jongho gasped. Wooyoung looked…expressionless. The younger couldn’t identify what exactly his best friend was feeling but he didn’t have a good feeling about it.   
“Hey, Woo.” He smiled Wooyoung just turned around and went into the kitchen, leaving the door open for him. 

“Don’t ‘Woo’ me, Mr. Park. I’m angry with you.” Jongho followed Wooyoung in the kitchen. The smaller had a cup of coffee on the kitchen counter he had one hand curled around. The coffee was still steaming. Jongho stopped in the doorframe, sighing. “I’m sorry, Wooyoung. Let me tell you everything.”  
He could hear a scoff from the art student who was still sternly looking at his mug.   
“You know? Seonghwa and Hongjoong were here yesterday, your brother wasn’t even surprised that you weren’t here. He told us everything you know? Would have been nice to hear about it from my best friend himself.” 

Wooyoungs grip around the hot mug tightened, his hand already red from the warmth of the hot coffee. Jongho went over to him and gently pulled the hand from the mug, squeezing it. “If I’m really honest with you, it was all pretty spontaneously”, he took a hold on the smallers shoulders, turning him to look at Jongho, “but I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yesterday before I went to Yeosangs. I should have called you or talked with you after I came back from Seonghwas place.” Jongho tried to look into Wooyoungs eyes but his gaze was still plastered on the floor. Jongho sighed again. “I’m sorry you had to hear about my plans from Seonghwa. And I should have answered your texts yesterday, I’m sorry about that too.”

Finally, Wooyoung looked up, a small pout on his face. He looked sad. Jongho felt guilty. He should have included his best friend a bit more the past days. All he and Wooyoung had done had argue about the topic of Jonghos crush and when he was finally brave enough to talk to Yeosang he had totally forgot about Wooyoung. But he got pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the older sigh.   
“I know that I’m being selfish and that it was completely alright for you to just go to m being selfish and that it was completely alright for you to just go to Yeosang like this but…we always have talked about everything and then the first time you actually have a mutual crush on someone you don’t talk to me anymore? I know its stupid, I’m sorry too, I just felt…exchanged.” 

Jongho took that as cue to wrap his arms around Wooyoungs smaller frame, holding him tightly, his face on his best friends shoulder. “You will never ever be exchanged. There will never be someone that is more annoying than you”, Jongho laughed, earning a slap on his back but he could feel Wooyung smile into his neck, “You will always be my best friend. It doesn’t matter if I have a boyfriend or not. You wont get rid of me.”  
They started laughing, Wooyoungs arms around Jonghos waist and Jongho rubbing circles onto Wooyoungs back. “I don’t want to get rid of you, Jongho, never.” Wooyoung mumbled. At least they had the same intentions.

After what felt like hours they let go of each other, smiling. Wooyoung turned to his cup of coffee, it had cooled down already. Wooyoung chuckled. “Well, you want a coffee too, now? You still have to tell me everything that happened yesterday and this morning.” Jongho threw a grin towards the smaller boy and taking the second cup of coffee Wooyoung had just filled for him. “Oh yea, I have a lot to tell you.”

~°~

“So you finally got yourself a boyfriend, huh?”  
The two boys had made themselves comfortable on Wooyoungs bed, Jongho leaning against the headboard and Wooyoung against the wall. His legs were comfortably draped over Jonghos lap. The latter laughed lightly. “Yea, since…yesterday. We decided we would try after…I came out to him and he realised that I liked him too.” Jongho crossed his arms over his chest, smiling at the wall. _Yeosang had been so cute yesterday._  
Wooyoung scoffed, shaking his head. “Took you long enough to do so.” The younger playfully hit Wooyoungs knee. “Shut up already, it was hard enough without your nagging”, Jongho mumbled, ignoring his best friends giggle. “Yea, I know, I know, sorry. So let me get it clear: He kissed you, you ran away, Seonghwa found you and you decided to come out to Yeosang.” Jongho nodded, scratching his chin lightly. “And then he kissed you again when you arrived at his apartment and you coward didn’t run away.” Wooyoung giggled again but raised both his hands in in defense. “Don’t hit me, I’m telling the truth! And _then_ you two talked again and became boyfriends? Am I right? Did I miss something?”

Jongho shaked his head but he couldn’t supress the grin spreading on his lips. “Nah, its fine like this but we did make out after we made it official”, he laughed loudly at Wooyoungs fake gagging sound, his bestfriend scrunching his face into a grimace. Jongho continued, “but I do have something to ask from you.”   
Wooyoung raised his eyes to Jonghos face, raising an eyebrow. “It sounds like you have bad news. Did something else happen?” The younger bit his lip, fidgeting with his hands. “Well…you have to keep quiet about mine and Yeosangs relarionship. At least for now. I will go to Hongjoongs and Seonghwas place later today but you cant tell San or the others. I’m…not ready to come out to them too right now.”  
Wooyoung sighed. Then silence. He sighed again. The older raised his hand to lie his hand on Jonghos left knee, opening his mouth to speak but Jongho was faster. “Its fine with Yeosang like this! I will…tell them soon, just not…right now.”  
“Well, if Yeosang is fine with this then I’m fine with it as well, I wont tell San or the others. But please, Jongho, you cant take to long. Not for me but for Yeosang.” 

Wooyoung was right, he couldn’t take that long to come out to Yeosangs friends. Jongho knew his boyfriend was sad about the fact that he couldn’t openly love the younger but he was nice enough to say yes to Jonghos absurd plead. Yeosang truly was the best thing that could happen to Jongho and he would do anything to keep him for as long a he can.  
“I know, I wont, Woo. I will tell them soon.”  
Wooyoung smiled at him. He moved his legs off Jonghos lap and crawled up to his best friend, wrapping his arms around Jonghos neck. “I know, you love Yeosang, right?”, Jongho nodded, leaning into Wooyoungs touch, “That’s the reason why I know you will do it soon.”

Wooyoung just knew him too well.

~°~

“Jongho?”  
Jongho smiled at Hongjoong who had just opened him the door to his and Seonghwas apartment. After practice at noon he had grabbed a fast lunch so he would still have around an hour to talk with his brother and the smaller boy before his lectures and before he could go back to Yeosang. 

“Hi, hyung.” 

Hongjoong looked at him confused but stepped back to let the younger in. Jongho recognized the paint on his fingers and his bare face. The older didn’t seem like he wanted to go anywhere today and also didn’t expect anyone. Not that Jongho would care how the smaller boy looked, he was always cute. “What are you doing here, honey?”  
Jongho took off his shoes and looked around. “Is Seonghwa here?”, he asked.  
“In the kitchen!” Jongho heard his older brother scream, apparently from the kitchen. Hongjoong closed the door and they went into the kitchen, Seonghwa already had two cups of tea in his hands, smiling at the two boys. He gave one of the cups to Hongjoong who smiled at him and leaned into the oldest side. With his now free hand Seonghwa massaged Hongjoongs neck, the art student giving him a sweet smile before turning back to the youngest in the room. 

Jongho raised one eyebrow. “You two seem even more touchy than normally.” The youngest didn’t miss the fade blush on his brothers neck and Hongjoongs quiet giggle but decided against further questions, he would ask another time. “Well, aren’t we always?”, Seonghwa said after he cleared his throat, “but tell me why you’re here. Come, lets go to the living room.” They made their way to the living room, Seonghwa and Hongjoong both sitting down on the couch and Jongho on the armchair on the right. Hongjoong sipped on his tea, giving him a gaze that told him to speak. “Well, you know that I was here two days ago, right?”, the youngest started and he could already see the smirk on Seonghwas face. Hongjoong just nodded. 

“Yes, I do remember. Are you here to tell us that you got yourself a boyfriend?”  
Hongjoong choked on his tea, coughing loudly. Seonghwa patted his back, cooing quietly, Jongho just laughed.   
“Are you for real?? Have you talked with Yeosang???”, the smallest pressed out between coughs. Jongho smiled at the art student, nodding slightly. “Yes, for real.” 

Suddenly, Hongjoong slammed his cup on the little coffee table, jumping up and clapping vigorously. “Oh my god, Jongho! And you and Yeosang are boyfriends now?? Oh my God, I’m so happy for you, my baby!!” He ran around the table and jumped onto Jongho lap, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boys neck. Jongho couldn’t stop laughing, hugging Hongjoong back. “Thank you, hyung, yes, we are boyfriends now. I’m happy too.” 

He giggled when Hongjoong pressed his cheek against Jonghos. The art student didn’t seem to stop cuddling the law student any time soon. Seonghwa just rolled his eyes but smiled fondly at the two boys on the armchair. There was never any jealously from Seonghwas side towards Hongjoong and Jongho. He knew that his little brother would never ever want anything from the older boy and Hongjoong always saw Jongho as his little brother since the first second. They had always been cuddling and hugging and holding hands just because they could and Seonghwa never saw Jongho as a threat. He just loved those two boys, on two different levels but he did love them with his whole heart and that’s why it was all fine. 

Jongho started telling them about his day at Yeosangs in more detail when…  
“But don’t mess it up now, sweetpea! I know you’re good in that!” Hongjoong suddenly said, leaning back in the youngers lap and pointed his index finger at him. Jongho pouted. Seonghwa just chuckled – if he was the middle finger his little brother gave him he chose to ignore it.   
“I wont fuck it up. I’m even going over to his place again after my lectures are over”, Jongho said through his pout before it fell and his expression getting more serious, “but I have to request something from you two.” He sighed, painting weird circles onto Hongjoongs lower back with his fingers. His brother looked at him irritated. 

“You cant tell anyone yet. I’m not ready yet. I talked with Yeosang about it and he said its fine as long as I come out quickly to his friends but till then please don’t tell anyone”, Jongho turned his eyes to Hongjoong who softly smiled at him, “you also cant tell Mingi, I know you are friends but I just…I need a few more days, okay? And Yeosang and I just want to spend those few days together, see how its going, anyways, evem though I have a really good feeling about him.”  
The youngest bit his lip. He wasn’t quiet sure how Seonghwa and Hongjoong would react. But he sighed in relief when he felt Hongjoong kiss his cheek lightly before smiling down at him, his brother also smiling and nodding. 

“That is your decision to make and I will not take that from you or Yeosang. And if Yeosang is fine with you telling us but not his friends right now for your sake, I’m”, the art student looked back to Seonghwa, grinning widely, “I mean, we are fine with it too.” With that Hongjoong stood up and went back to the couch, cuddling into Seonghwas side. Jongho smiled at the two boys, leaning back on the armchair. “Thank you, I really appreciate that.”   
“Of course, we will always support you in matters like this.” Seonghwa lied one of his arms around Hongjoongs shoulders and Jongho couldn’t stop the giggle that left his throat.   
“So now that I told you about my boyfriend, you two have to tell me whats up with you two today. I mean you two are always close but something is different today.”

Hongjoong bit his bottom lip, throwing a questioning look to Seonghwa. The oldest sighed, tightening his arm around Hongjoongs shoulder. “W-well, we may have talked a bit a few days ago”, he started but Jongho interrupted him with a loud laughter. “And you two finally decided that the tip toeing around each other has to end and talked about your feelings?”  
Hongjoong pouted but his cheeks were painted in a bright pink. “Y-yea, we did. We may have been a bit blind but we thought we should give it a try”, he smiled at Seonghwa, “Seonghwa had been a bit inspired by your sudden crush I think and he came to me and told me about his feelings and well, what can I say. I guess it was always obvious but yea…”

Jongho couldn’t stop smiling. He stood up, went over to the couch and squeezed his way between the two boys, hugging them both tightly. “I was just waiting for you two to do this and I’m so proud of you two. Not that you haven’t been an old married couple already.” The youngest pushed his tongue out but giggled when Hongjoong hit his shoulder playfully.   
“But you HAVE to tell Wooyoung asap or he will officially be pissed that nobody tells him anything”, Jongho added quickly. Wooyoung would probably officially hate him if he would also didn’t tell him about Seonghwa and Hongjoong but the two should do it themselves. And still that evening or they would never hear the end of it.

Jongho was more than happy. Everything came together now. He had told his crush about his feelings, he had got himself a boyfriend, Wooyoung got himself a boyfriend – would they be related now that they dated cousins? – and Seonghwa and Hongjoong finally realised their undying love for each other. He couldn’t be happier at the moment. And when he would come out to Yeosangs friends as well everything would be perfect. He didn’t think it was necessary to come out to all at the college. People would eventually come around to realise that he wasn’t as straight as he played to be. But that thought didn’t scare him anymore, well, at least not as much as it did before. It wouldn’t effect him, not in his studies, not in his sport and as long as he had his friends and Yeosang he couldn’t care any less what other people thought about him. 

~°~

Jongho just partially paid attention to his lectures, his mind fully on the blonde boy that hadn’t left his mind all day long. He was already carrying some toiletries and something to sleep in in his bagpack so he could immediately go to Yeosang after the lecture. Unfortunately, he got a lot of homeworks still to work on – the papers and books for that also in his bagpack – so he probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy his stay at the olders apartment to the fullest but having the theatre kid around him was already enough. 

Jongho chuckled. _We don’t even know each other for that long but I feel like I know him since forever._ It was weird that he felt that at ease when he was with Yeosang even though they barely knew each other for two weeks. If someone would have told him that he would have a boyfriend now that he barely even knew Jongho would have laughed but that was now his reality and he was more than happy to live with it.

 _Only five minutes left._ Five minutes before his last lecture for the day ended. Jongho was pretty sure that he would have to read into it again a lot, not remembering anything the professor talked about and this close to the finals he couldn’t forget anything.   
Thinking about finals made him nervous too. Finals meant that Yeosang probably had finals too and more shows to play which meant that he probably had less time for Jongho. The boy sighed. Of course they would both be busy but they were still pretty fresh – well, exactly one day – into their relationship and he just hoped that it would all be fine once they wouldn’t have time to see each other more often, when Jongho had to concentrate on his exams and when Yeosang had to go to practice more frequently. On top of that was that competition season came closer, his trainer already wasn’t as pleased with him as he was a few weeks ago.   
_Maybe Yeosang could come visit me on competitions. And I could go to more of his shows._ However they had to do it, Jongho would do anything to have them spend all the time together they could. 

“….you are dismissed!” 

Jongho was the first one jumping up from his chair, taking his bagpack and storming out the lecture hall. He took his phone out of his pants pocket and texted Yeosang.   
_I’m on my way now!_  
He didn’t have to wait a minute before Yeosang replied: _Door is open!_  
Jongho rolled his eyes and walked faster, luckily Yeosangs apartment complex wasn’t that far away from the lecture building. 

He skipped up the stairs once he reached the building, carefully pushing open the door to Yeosangs apartment. He took off his shoes when he heard Yeosangs laugh from the kitchen. “Good evening, baby.” Jongho smiled, letting his bagpack in the hallway before he made his way to the kitchen. “You shouldn’t let the door open, what if someone else would come inside while you wait for me?” He backhugged the blonde boy who was preparing some coffee for himself and Jongho. The younger lied his head on Yeosangs shoulder and pressed a small kiss to his jaw. The older boy giggled. “Who would want to come in here except you?” Yeosang turned around in Jonghos embrace, circling his arms around the black haired boys neck. Jonghos lips curled into a lazy smirk. “You are a pretty boy, I’m just scared something will happen to you.”   
“But my strong boyfriend will always protect me, wont he?”, Yeosang asked, his voice was laced with something sweet but his smirk told otherwise. His hands moved to Jonghos biceps, holding onto his jacket clothed arm. Jongho rolled his eyes, smiling. “Well, I am a strong boy but I cant protect you when I’m not around.” 

Yeosang laughed and let go of the younger, turning back to the counter and grabbed the two cups of coffee, handing one to Jongho. “I can protect myself, don’t worry. San trained in martial arts and he showed me some moves.”   
Jongho grinned. “That’s good to know”, he said before pressing a kiss to Yeosangs temple and took one of the coffees from the blondes hand.


	12. About sexuality and love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: panic attack

Today was the day. It had took Jongho a week to finally come out to Yeosangs friends. It had took him at least three phone calls with Seonghwa, two nights in with Wooyoung and five sleepovers at Yeosangs apartment before he had told his boyfriend that he was ready. Yeosang had been more than happy when Jongho had told him, hugging him tightly and kissing him all over. Jongho had just smiled nervously when his boyfriend had took his phone and texted his cousin and his two other friends to come over to his place around evening. 

Jongho was even more nervous now that Yeosang and him were sitting on the olders couch, waiting for his friends to arrive. He fiddled with his fingers that were linked with Yeosangs. The older sighed.   
“Please, chill a bit. It will all be fine, don’t worry so much about it, baby.” Jongho blushed and muttered an apology which made Yeosang groan even more. The older leaned his head on Jonghos chest, wrapping his free arm around the youngers torso. “My friends wont judge you and wont kill you either. They are all big gays too. Well, except for Yunho, he is big bi but still, all big ol’ gays.”   
That made Jongho chuckle, hiding his face in Yeosangs hair. “I know, Sangie, Its just…it’s the first time I come out to someone that isn’t practically part of my family. Its kind of a scary thought, you know?” 

Yeosang looked up, smiling softly at his boyfriend. “I know, Jongho, and I’m so proud of you that you’re doing this.” The older moved a bit, straddling one of Jonghos thighs. The black haired boys hands fall almost automatically to Yeosangs waist, this being normal for them. Yeosang pressed a kiss to Jonghos lips, a feather light touch before he pulled back again, smiling. Jongho smiled too. 

He loved these moments with Yeosang. This was all he really wanted, just being with his boyfriend, holding him in his arms and kissing him. They hadn’t gone any further than light makeouts. Not that he had felt the urge for anything more till now, he was quite content with how it was right now. But he also felt that every time the air between them got hotter the older boy stiffened, his hands tightening on any part he was touching that instant. He probably thought that Jongho hadn’t noticed but he had and the younger couldn’t really understand why. Was he scared of something? Was there something he still didn’t know?

But Jongho chose not to think about that right now, their relationship was still new and fresh, they had all the time in the world and Jongho would be the last person to make Yeosang do anything he didn’t want to.   
Besides, Jongho couldn’t continue his train of thoughts as he was ripped out of it by the door bell. “Oh god”, he muttered, receiving a reassuring pat on his thigh from his boyfriend before the latter stood up to open up the door for his friends. The younger sighed. He knew he was ready. Well, he at least believed that he was ready, wanted to be ready for Yeosang, and Seonghwa. Wanting to make them proud. And he knew that everything would be fine. But he was still hella scared. 

“Hey guys!”, Jongho could hear Yeosang greet his friends, it instantly getting louder in the medium sized apartment. Jongho bit his lip and stood up, to greet the others as well. He made his way over to the hallway and was already running into San when he stood in the doorframe between hallway and living room. The older boy looked a bit confused. “Oh, Jongho! I didn’t know you are here. Yeosang didn’t tell us you would be here too but I’m glad to see you!”   
Jongho threw an angry glare to his boyfriend over Yeosangs shoulder. _Why hadn’t he told his friends he would be here? They probably think something is off now._  
He turned back to San, giving the theatre kid the brightest smile he could give him right now. “I’m glad to see you too, hyung.” 

After also greeting Mingi and Yunho – the former would have practically suffocated him with his hug if his boyfriend wouldn’t have pulled him off Jongho and into his own arms. – they settled down in the living room, Yunho and Mingi both on the floor, San in the armchair and Yeosang and Jongho on the couch, a fair amount of space between them. It all felt kinda awkward, nobody actually knew what to say and Jongho slowly started to go crazy. He would have rather just send a text into their groupchat – yes they had a groupchat now – saying ‘I’m gay’ but Yeosang would have killed him. So now they were all here, in Yeosangs living room, staring at the walls. 

San was the first to break the silence. He cleared his throat and looked at his cousin. “So is there a special occasion why you invited us over so spontaneously?”  
Jongho stiffened in his seat. _Showtime._ Yeosang saw the change in his boyfriends posture, his slightly clenched fists and his heavy, but steady, breathing. He sighed before turning back to his cousin.   
“Well, actually…you are right. This isn’t just a plain hangout. Its actually”, he looked over to Jongho, the younger giving him a nervous look. He grabbed the youngers hand which received confused looks from his friends, “Actually, Jongho wanted to tell you something.” His voice was low but it was so quiet in the room that everyone understand. Mingi let out a sound of irritation, a lot like a confused puppy, his perfectly contoured nose scrunched together. Yunho just raised an eyebrow at the two boys. An just kinda looked…knowing? Waiting? Jongho couldn’t really tell. The youngest sighed, tightening his hold on his boyfriends hands. 

“I’m gay.”  
It was a simple sentence. No explanations, no fireworks. And Jonghos body still trembled like a deer in headlight. He couldn’t look at Yeosangs friends, his cheeks were dusted in a dark red. He fought the urge to just run and never return. But he was also relieved. Relieved that he and Yeosang finally had no barriers for an open relationship anymore. He felt Yeosangs hand squeeze his one tightly, the older smiling at him with the proudest expression on his face.   
The first one to clear his throat was Yunho, the one Jongho had least talked to, the only not gay one – well Yunho was still bisexual and in a longterm relationship with a man but Jongho liked to differ – and Jongho mentally prepared himself for everything. One of his biggest fears were that people would react without understanding, why he would keep his sexuality a secret. He didn’t want to explain that to everyone. Damn, he didn’t even know it himself. But he was prepared for this question – his plan just mainly being running away.

“That’s…great, that’s wonderful. I’m happy you told us, Jongho.”  
That’s all Yunho said. Mingi just nodded and smiled brightly at the younger boy on the couch. San let out an approving sound, grinning brightly. Jongho was kinda perplex. _That’s it? That was all they gonna say?_  
“That’s…it?”  
“That’s what?”, San asked, raising one eyebrow. Jongho swallowed heavily. “You…not gonna ask why I kept it a secret? Or about Yeosang and me?”  
Yunho snorted, and San and Mingi giggled quietly. The latter stood up and went besides Jongho, sitting down next to him and hugged him around the shoulders.   
“Its none of our business right? And we are just happy that you told us anyways.”, San explained, shrugging his shoulders. Mingi smiled and added: “But we still wanna know everything about you and Yeosangie-hyung.” He winked and Yeosang snorted. All Jongho could do was blush deeply, biting on his bottom lip. 

He couldn’t believe it. Everything was good now. They weren’t judging him, they weren’t even asking questions – and the questions they did ask he didn’t have to answer because Yeosang was all over the place explaining his friends how he and Jongho got together – and he could finally be happy.   
He hadn’t even noticed that he was crying when Mingis arm around him tightened and they all looked at him with worry in their eyes. 

“Hey, baby, why are you crying?”, Yeosang asked next to him, taking his face into his hands and wiping away some tears that rolled down his cheeks and nose. San und Yunho also gathered around him, Yunho sitting half on the coffee table and San seated on the armrest of the couch. “Did we say something that upset you?”, asked the dark haired theatre kid, his eyebrows scrunched together. Jongho looked at him with wide eyes. Quickly, he touched his face, feeling the wetness on it and wiping some of it off. The youngest cleared his throat.   
“No- no I’m-…I think I’m just happy.” His voice was quiet, not more than a whisper, but he smiled up at one after the other, ending with looking directly into his lovers eyes. He swore he saw some unshed tears in Yeosangs eyes as well. Yeosang cradled the youngers face in his hands, smiling brightly. “I’m happy too, baby, I’m so happy.” And then he found himself in Yeosangs arms, and in Mingis and in no time they all were tangled in one big group hug, Jongho being the middle of it. San cooed at the youngest, saying things like “you’re all grown up now!” making the law student giggle quietly.   
Coming out never felt happier for him.

~°~

The door closed loudly behind Yeosang and Jongho when the younger slammed his boyfriend against hit, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. His hands found its way onto Yeosangs waist while the older wrapped his arms tightly around Jonghos neck.

Yeosang and San had just played the last show for _Chicago_ , and all his friends went to support them. That including Jongho of course. He knew that him in a wig and a corset had an effect on Jongho and he hadn’t complained when Jongho just wanted to go home straight after dinner because he was tired. What he hadn’t expected was situation he know found himself in.   
It wasn’t that they never made out before, and he loved kissing Jongho, but he hadn’t expected the younger to take the intiative right when they arrived at the olders place.  
The two clumsily toed off their shoes, Yeosang shrugged the jacket off Jonghos broad shoulders, letting his hands wander of the black haired boys shoulders. He sighed into the kiss. “Jongho…”   
Jongho pulled back and pressed his forehead onto Yeosangs, panting heavily. His eyes were a shade darker than normal, his lips curled into a slight smirk before he moved down and pressed small kisses onto the olders neck. His arms wandered under Yeosangs thighs and he pulled him up into his arms with ease which made Yeosang gasp. They made his way – a bit chaotic since Jongho still kissed his neck – to the bed, Jongho letting his smaller boyfriend down onto the sheets carefully as if Yeosang could break any minute. 

Yeosang hadn’t even realised he had closed his eyes when he opened them and saw Jongho kneeling over him on the bed. His heart started to beat faster. Jongho leaned down to press another kiss onto the smallers lips, mumbling against them: “You were so pretty on stage, my beautiful Sangie.” And one of Jonhos hands made his way under Yeosangs shirt.

Yeosangs heart stopped. He suddenly felt hot, uncomfortably hot. Jongho was kissing him again, his tongue swiping over the olders bottom lip. But he couldn’t move. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly, old pictures of past “lovers” popping up in his mind. His mouth went dry and he tried his best to not just push Jongho off him. He was his boyfriend. He wouldn’t do anything he wouldn’t want right? _Right?_

Yeosang saw red. He turned his head away, eyes still shut, trying to push Jongho off him, yelling and screaming. Panic rising in him even though he didn’t want to. The panic attack came automatically.  
Jongho looked at him with shock, kneeling in front of his panicking boyfriend. Yeosang, now, had also started to cry, pulling his legs up his to his chest, rolling into a small ball. He saw Jongho approaching him and he started whimpering.   
“Please, don’t hurt me-“, his voice was low and not more than a whimper. Through his tear stained view he could see Jonghos hurt expression. _Its over, he hates me now._

But all Jongho did was looking at him, not saying a word until Yeosang started to calm down again. The older sat up against the headboard, his heart beat and his breathing started to calm down and he lowered his head onto his knees. He couldn’t look Jongho in the eyes.

“Yeosang, baby, what was that?” The youngers voice was calm but Yeosang could hear the hurt in his tone. He sighed. He could already feel the tears well up again. He couldn’t speak. It was time to explain himself but he didn’t know how. _What if Jongho will leave me? What if he cant accept me?_ Yeosang didn’t think he could deal with the heartbreak right now. He sighed again but his breathing stopped when he felt Jonghos arms around him.   
Jongho sighed as well. “Please talk with me so I know what I did wrong.” The older slowly raised his arms to wrap them around Jongho as well.

“I-…”, Yeosang started, a silent sob interrupting him. Jonghos arms around him tightened. “Take your time”, he whispered into the olders ear, rubbing his back lightly. Yeosang couldn’t love this boy any more.  
“I-…I cant have sex with you.”, he said, quiet, and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He prepared himself for Jongho to go or scream at him why he would have started a relationship with him when he wouldn’t sleep with him. And he knew he should have told Jongho from the beginning because it was an important part of him and for Jongho as well. But he didn’t wanted to be rejected. He still didn’t want to but it was unfair to keep it from Jongho and clearly he couldn’t play it off anymore after (not so) small panic attack.

Jonghos hand on Yeosangs back stopped rubbing circles and Yeosang knew it was over when he also leaned back a bit. But all Jongho did was look into Yeosangs eyes. And he started smiling. Yeosang raised one eyebrow in confusion.   
“What-?”

And then Jongho even started to laugh and Yeosang couldn’t help but feel annoyed. He slapped Jongho slightly on the shoulder, frowning deeply. “This isn’t funny, Park Jongho!”  
The younger giggled quietly, one of his hands holding Yeosangs face. “Yeosang, baby, you are so silly. You are the silliest boy I ever met and I know myself.”  
Yeosangs frown deepened. “What? Why?”  
“You know that you could just have told me? Did you think I wouldn’t love you anymore if you told me that you don’t want to have sex? I mean, we can wait, its-“

“No!”, Yeosang almost screamed. That wasn’t what he meant! Jongho looked at him with confusion in his eyes. Yeosang sighed heavily. “I-…wont ever wanna have sex. Not just with you but with anyone. I’m…asexual.” 

It was silent again. Jongho eyes were wide. “Oh.” Yeosang felt sad.  
“I…I didn’t tell you because I know it’s a hard pill to swallow and I didn’t-didn’t want you to n-not like me anymore when you knew I wouldn’t have sex with you. B-but when you touched me, I…” he gasped, but calmed himself down again quickly before continuing, “I was raped before after I told someone I didn’t want to have sex. I…was sexually assaulted more than once a-and this pictures just popped up in my head and I panicked! I-I’m so sorry, Jongho, I love you b-but I cant do it.” The last words weren’t more than a whisper and tears spilled on his cheeks again. Jonghos arms still were loosely around him, he hadn’t let go. The youngers eyes were filled with worry and…love. He looked on the edge of crying as well. 

“Oh my god, Yeosang, I-…you should have told me! What if you hadn’t stopped me? What if we had gone further?? I-I didn’t know! Please, I’m so sorry, baby, I didn’t know…”, Jongho ranted, hugging his boyfriend tightly to his chest. Yeosang was irritated. “You…are sorry?” His voice was broken from tears but he didn’t felt as sad anymore now that it looked like Jongho wouldn’t leave him. Jongho carded one hand through his hair. “Of course I’m sorry! I triggered you into a panic attack! I did stuff you weren’t comfortable with, of course I’m sorry for that even though I didn’t know”, he smiled down at the blonde boy, “And I wont leave you because you don’t wanna have sex. I would be stupid to let such an adorable and intelligent boy go just because of some instincts that are practically useless for us anyways. I lived great without sex my whole life, I can life with it now too.” Jongho lips crooked into a bright grin and Yeosang couldn’t help but laugh at his boyfriend. He leaned against the youngers broad chest, his laughing being interrupted sometimes by quiet sobs but he wasn’t crying anymore because he was upset or sad. He was…happy. 

“God, Jongho, I love you so much. Stop being so perfect”, he fake complained before he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriends waist, hiding his face on his shoulder. Jongho chuckled. “And I love you too, my perfect boyfriend. Don’t think about me leaving you ever again because that wont happen, no matter if you wanna have sex or not, if you suddenly wanna wear dresses or if you suddenly have two heads. I will never leave you because I don’t think I can find anyone more perfect for me than you.” 

Yeosang looked up at Jongho, smiling before he pressed his lips to the youngers soft ones. They smiled into the kiss, embracing each other and started giggling in the middle of it. They fell back onto the sheets, hugging each other, Jongho pressing kisses all over Yeosangs face. Yeosang playfully tried to push Jongho off but with no real intention to actually push him off. After some time passed they just lied down, Yeosangs head on Jonghos chest and his arms wrapped around the youngers waist. He sighed happily. “I’m so happy that you don’t hate me. I’m so happy its out now. And I’m sorry if I scared you earlier with my panic attack.”   
Jongho just shrugged. “Its fine, baby, lets just forget about it. It wont happen again anyways, I will make sure. Nobody will ever hurt you again even if I have to fight someone for you. You know I will, I’m strong, I could probably break someones arm.”

Yeosang snorted but heat creeped up his chest, wandering into his cheeks, and he hid his face in Jonghos neck. “You are an idiot, Park Jongho.”

“I’m your idiot, though.”


	13. Epilogue

“Jongho, sweetpea, you were amazing!!” 

Jongho, dabbing a towel on his neck and face that Yeosang had gave him when he came off the stage, smiled brightly when he heard Hongjoong approach him even before he saw him. When he looked up he could see The smaller boy, hair dyed dark blue – Wooyoung and him had spontaneously decided to dye their hair. Jongho couldn’t run away fast enough too which was the reason why he was blonde now. Yeosang liked it though so it was fine with him. – and his left hand tightly clutched into the hand of his brother, who smirked at him as well. Next to them were Woosan. They had gave Wooyoung and San that ship name after the two couldn’t be separated anymore. Since Jongho spent most of his time with Yeosang at his apartment, San had practically moved in with Wooyoung and they were so sweet together, Jongho believed he would get diabetes soon. Behind them were Yunho and Mingi, the older had one arm wrapped around Mingis waist but the younger freed him from his embrace to ran to Jongho to hug him tightly.

“Oh my god, hyung, don’t hug me, I’m stinky and sweaty!”, Jongho whined, trying to free himself from the taller male but Mingis grip on him was tighter than grip his opponent had had on him.   
He had just won his first tournament of the season, all his training finally paid off. He had trained more than anyone else in the team, his trainer pushing him over his limits more than once but in the end it all paid off. The hours he spent in the gym, the hours he couldn’t see Yeosang or his friends and all the times Wooyoung and Hongjoong had whined at him that he didn’t have time for them anymore. He had been more than stressed the last week before the competition but now that it was over he was also kinda sad that it was over. He loved Judo and he loved fighting but he was also happy that he finally got time for his loved ones again.   
When Hongjoong reached him he wrapped his arms around him too besides Mingi and Jongho groaned. “When you stink too later don’t blame me”, he complained but wrapped his arms around the boys anyways. When he didn’t get them off he could also just give them love too. 

Yeosang giggled besides him and Jongho sticked his tongue out to him. Yeosang mimicked his action but smiled at him right after. Wooyoung patted his best friend on his back, grinning brightly, Seonghwa did the same. “I knew you would kick their ass! You trained too hard to not win”, the art student yelled into his ear what made Jongho flinch. “God, Woo, don’t scream at me, I hear you perfectly.” Wooyoung giggled and went back to San to hug him around the waist. The latter gave Jongho a thumbs up before he turned his attention back to his boyfriend. Jongho rolled his eyes and smiled brightly.

After Jongho took a shower and changed into his normal clothes they decided to go to that taco place they all met together for the first time. Yeosang had grabbed his hand as soon as he left the changing room and on the whole way to the small restaurant. They all fell into comfortable chatter, already knowing each other for a longer time and being used to each other. He and Yeosang had already been together now for more than two months and it had been beautiful. They worked together perfectly. Yeosang never was upset when he had to stay late for training and Jongho had always tried to be a good boyfriend and help the older with his scripts even though he sucked at acting which was ironic because he played a role most of his life. They were happy and that was all that mattered to them. His friends were supporting them and even though people slowly started to find out that Jongho, in fact, wasn’t as straight as they thought, they were too intimidated by the couple to talk about them, Yeosang being the star of the university and Jongho being one of the strongest guys on campus. Jongho had once caught a student in his class talking about them behind his back and lets just say: the poor boy knows better now. But Jongho would never actually hurt someone, he just knew his way with people like this. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa were happy together too. Of course they were, they were meant to be since the day they met. They had been all over each other since they had ‘come out’ as a couple to their friends. Hongjoong clung to the older more than ever and they were kissing every second they could. To be honest, Jongho was a bit annoyed from time to time but he loved the two of them too much to tell them to stop. He was happy that Seonghwa and Hongjoong finally had each other and weren’t oblivious anymore that he couldn’t bring himself to tell them to stop being so lovey dovey in front of him. And their new relationship didn’t stop the younger one from coddling and showering Jongho with his love and Jongho still pretended sometimes that he didn’t like it and that he should go hug his brother instead but if he is honest with himself he loves the small art student too and he did like to get his attention. 

Yunho and Mingi were going as good as always. Jongho had always admired them for being the actual perfect couple. And even though they sometimes had arguments they always came around to apologize because they couldn’t leave their hands off each other. They needed each other to exist, at least Jongho strongly believed in that. They depended on each other and cared for each other so much that Jongho almost felt envy for them.

Same could be said about San and Wooyoung. The two were all over each other, having hearts in their eyes since minute one. Wooyoung had found his personal muse in San, often watching him while he practiced in the dance studio. They also kept each other from falling apart. Every time San stayed too long in the studio, dancing and forgetting to eat or drink, or every time Wooyoung styed up to late worrying about a fashion show he hadn’t prepared for yet, banging his head on his desk full of materials. They held each other and gave each other strength and Jongho was happy that his best friend had found someone he could relate on other than Jongho himself. 

They settled down in a far corner of the restaurant, Jongho squeezed between Hongjoong and Yeosang. Seonghwa sat next to the small art student and the other four sat in front of them. They had already ordered and it got loud, Mingi, San and Hongjoong debating about the cheerleading choreography. San had helped them a bit and Mingi was more than sad that he didn’t even get one flick-flack or flip in their new routine. Jongho didn’t really listen to them. Not that he wasn’t interested in his friends activities but he didn’t want to interfere when the three of them were arguing. Yeosang was talking with Yunho about some lectures they were both visiting and Seonghwa was deep in his thoughts. That happened a lot lately now that he was a lot closer to graduate after he aced his finals.   
Jongho fell into thoughts as well. He thought about how lucky he got with all those amazing people around them. He thought about his major. He had passed his exams but it wasn’t as easy as it was for his brother. He thought about his scholarship. And he also thought about Yeosang, about how he came out to the younger and how Yeosang also came out to him. 

Since Yeosangs panic attack they had worked out a way that worked for both of them. Since Yeosang had no problem with kissing they established something like a stop or safe word. Every time Yeosang didn’t wanted to go any further, sometimes that was when they both had already lost their shirts and sometimes it was already after the first kiss, he tapped on Jonghos shoulder 2 times when he couldn’t talk or said “pink banana”. Jongho couldn’t remember why they settled on that word but it worked for them and that was the most important. He never ever wanted Yeosang to feel as bad again as he did on that one evening. And when Yeosang said their safe word they would just settle in to cuddle. Yeosang sometimes felt bad for leaving Jongho blue-balled but he always made sure to reassure the older that it was fine and if he really couldn’t handle it he could still excuse himself to the bathroom. But Jongho was fine with how their relationship worked, he wouldn’t ask for something else. 

When someone would have told Jongho a few months ago that he would now sit on a table in a medium priced taco place with his best friends, his boyfriend and his new friends, talking about everything and anything and holding hands openly with his _boyfriend_ , he would have laughed and told them they are crazy but that was his reality now. His reality and the reality of his friends as well. 

And he wouldn’t change that reality for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its over! I hope you liked it! I would love to read your thoughts about the story in the comments because its the first story i actually finished!   
> The next thing i will work on will be an OneWe AU, lets see how that will go heheh

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @hyukimchii


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